Batting Cleanup

The notion of inevitability Hillary Clinton enjoyed has all but expired. The patina of feminism Clinton has assumed is deteriorating to the point of liability. Her broad but shallow support is crumbling. Her corporate ties and establishment history have become a point of contention with supporters and potential voters and she can’t seem to address any of it with anything other than tone deaf clumsiness.

She has become the parody of a democratic candidate for president.

Bernie Sanders has yet to attack her directly because he just doesn’t need to.  He has taken control of the debate.

With a discipline and consistency of message, he’s made the prevailing issue not about Clinton in particular,  but about the corrupt engines supplying horsepower to the political drive train and torque to the wheels of economic injustice system wide.

It’s a good thing that he’s not some iron jawed, graying at the temples, tailored suit.  It’s a good thing he’s a 74 year old son of Jewish immigrants with a thick as a brick Brooklyn accent that isn’t exactly the picture of sartorial splendor. We don’t need superheroes in capes and costumes.  We need ordinary men with the courage of conviction.

He is authentic.

His “artful smear” merely includes Hillary among the entire republican bench of goofecocks.  All he does is imply that despite being a democrat and a female, she is no different and he’s absolutely right.

He’s completely right when he says our biggest threat to national security is climate change and that North Korea makes ISIS look positively Fisher Price.

He’s absolutely right when he calls health care and education a right as opposed to a privilege and he’s blisteringly correct when he declares that as the richest first world country in the history of human kind, all it takes is the will of America to make it so.

He’s right about everything.

There hasn’t been a candidate like him in my lifetime.

Bernie Sanders is calling for a political revolution.  He’s talking about the opposite of what we do.  We elect and walk away.  Getting elected to any national level office in this country is analogous to getting a record deal in the 90’s.  Pun intended.  It was just the beginning.  97% of the artists lucky enough to get a recording contract were never heard from again.  I know, I made records back then and about five people have heard the best ones.

Once he’s elected, if we don’t engage, petition, write letters, march and generally make a shit load of noise, we will not just be disappointed, we will be embarrassed and demoralized.


We’ll end up with an elder statesman like Jimmy Carter who only served one term and subsequently shames us with his energy and morality by actually doing important and humane things at the age of 91. It will be way too late by then.  Jimmy put solar panels on the White House and that fucking idiot Reagan removed them.

Half of Reagan’s administration was indicted or convicted.

Somehow, Carter was a failure without a shot fired on his watch.

Fuck me.

And now Big Bad Bill is on the campaign trail, nose blind and spreading the same brand of shit sauce that lost Hillary the election the first time.  Newsflash Bill, the Sanders supporters that are vulgar and sexist are matched by Hillary supporters who are just as despicable and loathsome.  Trust me, your people are just as mean and just as ugly.  Old news Bill.  It’s been going on for months by both camps.  You’re killing me.  You Bill Clinton, are an official surrogate and a spouse.  Do you have an excuse other than naked desperation?

Is the plan for you and Chelsea to lie more so Hillary can lie less?

Hypocrite much?

The Clintons have lost me completely.

It’s starting to look like Hillary isn’t any threat at all.  And it’s starting to look like Donald Trump is.  The thing is this, there’s a corollary between Sanders and Trump supporters.  It makes sense.  The catalyst is shared.  The whole anti-establishment, anti-government thing.

The problem is Trump supporters are mean, selfish, bigoted and ignorant fuckheads.

He brags about a net worth of ten billion and he’s lying.

Sanders supporters are aware, engaged human beings who give a shit about other human beings that they will never even know.

His net worth is about three hundred thousand and he’s hiding nothing.


Vote bitches.

Drinks for my friends.



Too close to call as I contemplated bed with a smile on my face.

So I’ll just take this as a win because it wasn’t even supposed to be close mere months ago.

There’s that and his speech.

He followed Clinton on purpose.

He killed it.

He’s more toothsome these days.  And what beautiful horse teeth he has.

He was laughing.

I realize now I’m gonna have to join this team. I need to volunteer. Not just the eleven dollars I carry in my pocket on any given day, but my time.

California matters again.

He’s electable. I’m most afraid he’ll be a Carter in terms of perception. If that happens it will be because the people who elect him do only that.  Vote and then do the opposite of what he’s telling us.  Nothing at all.  Just sit back and expect miracles.  It’s not how revolutions work.

I read something the other day that posited Hillary was the legacy of Obama’s presidency and Bernie was the legacy of his candidacy.

I couldn’t agree more.

Health care and education as a right.  It’s our godamn money.  How do we expect to compete with all the countries who have been providing it for decades?  Seriously Hillary, how?  It’s not just about competing.  It’s about catching up.

So sometime in the last few days, she stuck her finger in the wind and is now stumping on universal health care. Just like the TPP, just like LGBT rights…… goes on and on.  She’s an awfully transparent phony.  The more she talks, the less I like her.  Really, I’m starting to loath her.  I gave up feeling like she was trustworthy long ago.

She’s getting harder to watch.

Bernie though, he’s smiling now.  He’s laughing and even laughing at himself a little.  He seems to be having a good time more and more.  I worried that he was a little too, ‘get off my lawn!’.  His message is deadly serious and now that he’s being taken seriously, he’s losing a little of the cranky but wise uncle thing.

Meanwhile, Hillary gets more Stepford, stiffer, more desperate.  Shrill.  Cackling instead of laughing.  Nobody likes desperate.  Don’t be like Hillary. Nobody wants to be like Hillary.  She’s becoming the cunty, judgmental neighbor in the expensive but gaudy pantsuit.  She drives a late model yellow Cadillac.  Remember that cloying perfume from the eighties “Giorgio”?  I imagine she smells like that.

Okay, that last paragraph was sophomoric.  Mean spirited.  I’m guilty but earnest.

I’ve just engaged in the kind of immature crap that I go on and on about.  But really, Hillary Clinton has always been her own worst enemy.  She clearly wants to be president more than she wants to make a difference in the average American life.

I will tell you this, Hillary definitely did not win in Iowa last night and Bernie Sanders sure as fuck didn’t lose.

Drinks for my friends.


I’ve just finished watching the latest republican presidential debate while participating on a liberal facebook thread where the back and forth was between Hillary and Bernie supporters.

I need a goddamn shower.

I am thoroughly disgusted by the hopeless stupidity of American voters.

I am more convinced than ever that we are never going to evolve as a society or as an electorate beyond this very minute.  It is hopeless.  The republican candidates are serial liars.  They are awful.  Just awful and shameless. Democratic voters are just as clueless as republican ones.  Republican candidates still court the pasty white evaporating evangelical vote.  Democratic voters still believe in hope as a euphemism for incremental change.

The republican candidates rarely debate actual issues.  Instead, they devote all their disingenuous bluster to fear. Fear of foreign terrorism when we are so successful at killing each other that a far more more legitimate concern is literally being shot by a fucking toddler.  Fear of an insurance law that is is protecting some 17 million Americans from death and bankruptcy.  Fear of a shrinking military when we outspend China by a ratio of ten to one.  When our military expenditure has in fact, not shrunk at all, but expanded under our fearless leader, Obama.  They have fomented fear of the poor and immigrants so successfully, that every knuckle dragging, mouth breathing teapublican is convinced they are one lottery ticket away from not having to pay taxes on their winnings.

If you want proof of republican insanity, look no further than the fact Sarah fucking Palin has been granted a third act by Donald fucking Trump.

Democratic voters are hardly any better.  They trade lies back and forth all day or resort to bickering over issues that just don’t matter.  Rarely is there a topic among them either salient or germane.  Most of them, despite which candidate they support,  are neither informed or attentive.  They actually debate pant suits versus hair, Bill’s philandering versus Bernie’s clumsy efforts at explaining human sexuality four decades ago.  When actual substantive issues emerge, potential democratic voters prove over and over without a doubt that they don’t know shit.

I’ve said it before, everyone seems to think this is one football or basketball team against another.  Some silly sports rivalry and that’s their intellectual investment in it.  It makes me want to puke.

I am despondent.

Awash in tsunami of dumb.

Assaulted, day in and day out by ignorance.

There is, as of now, only one man talking about the very real problems we face and his name is Bernie Sanders.  He will likely lose because we just don’t deserve him.  Because we just can’t be bothered to pay enough attention to realize that he is neither democrat or republican.  That he is genuinely, earnestly and sincerely for all of us.  No matter what color, no matter what political affiliation and no matter what socioeconomic class.

He is the only Don Quixote tipping at the windmills of capitalism.  The single most evil economic model humankind has ever suffered.  Unregulated capitalism will always implode.  History is relentless with this singular lesson. Capitalism is never as pure as conservatives dream.  Never. Unchecked, it erodes liberty, equality and opportunity. Institutions for public welfare atrophy and eventually fail.  At the very end, human dignity is beset by the virus of greed and hubris and there is no antibody available at such a late stage.

We are in the last throes of it as I write this.

Reality television, hate radio, cable news, social media all provide refuge for our individual insanity.

I can’t stand it.

The most important election of our lifetime and either no one is taking it seriously or there is a chronic lack of serious people.

I can’t decide if it would be better if if everyone voted or if no one does.

We may just be too goddamn dumb to save ourselves.

Drinks for my friends.


Middle Earth

I am in awe.

We the people attack and bomb an launch against other people everyday and our excuse is as pathetic as it gets.

Because they are Muslims, they will kill us if we don’t kill them first.

That’s it.

That’s why.

We’ve been doing it for decades.

We make them fear our allmighty capability to rain death and destruction in their lands indiscriminately and then we impugn their culture and demonize their religion when they have the audacity to flee the mess we’ve made.  Our media works overtime to paint them as medieval savages when the volume of atrocity committed by our own Christianity against our own people makes all foreign terrorism look positively Fisher Price.

As of today, Americans have more to fear from a toddler with a gun than a foreign terrorist.

It’s insane.

Abortion clinics.

Movie theaters, malls, military bases and elementary schools.

Rampant, racially motivated violence by our own public servants against our own people.

Our protectors.

Dickheaded teabaggers burning down mosques and screeching that somehow, someway, Sharia law is some kind of existential threat.  They can’t be bothered to discern between Muslims and Sikhs for crying out loud.  Anyone in a turban must be plotting the the destruction of our once great country.

Oh my god ISIS.

It’s really starting to piss me the fuck off.

15 of the 19 hijackers were Saudis.  So we waged war in Iraq and screwed the whole thing up so clumsily and egregiously that that the entire region is exploding and a new world war is now somewhere between possible and likely.

I’m starting to think this can only end in fire.

Meanwhile, the most obtuse reaction possible is being championed by the republican front runner.  Millions of idiots are cheerleading bigotry.  The new normal is the excuse of nationalism for patriotism.

We just keep bombing the shit out of them but so far we haven’t committed cannon fodder to the sand again.  A minor but moral difference I guess.   The agenda of a military industrial complex in the throes of corrupting completely.

This is insane.

What makes us think that visiting death and destruction on these ordinary people between the rock and the hard place all day and all night is gonna keep them from blowing us up over here whenever they can?

It guarantees it.  It’s what their leaders want.  It’s what our leaders lust for.  Everyone but the people who will suffer the consequences just loves this shit.

Why is this so hard?

There are four or five million troops in the region that are more than capable of handling whatever the new iteration of terror is.

The redneck mouth breathers are jerking off to the fear porn in public.  Self justified and emboldened by a reckless media.  Septic with addiction to rage while they adore their own ignorance.  Confident and justified in arming themselves further and sporting their new hardware and camouflage at the local grocery store.

Hey it’s fucking awesome now we’re hanging out with Trump.

It’s disgusting.

We have to stop looking at this as a war between Christianity and Islam.  It’s a bullshit script.  It’s the most destructive path there is.  I can’t stand it.  It might be proof that we are idiots.  It has nothing to do with faith and everything to do with money.

We support Saudi Arabia with weapons, money and trade while they are world champion decapitators, ISIS and Iran don’t have shit on the Saudis when it comes to human rights abuses and vulgar misogyny.  But we never say a word about it.  The same with Israel.  Don’t get me started on Israel when it comes to human rights.

We suck too.

At the very least we are a nation of hypocrites, at worst we’re so confused we have no idea who the enemy is or why.

It’s insane.

Religion is a futility that convinces me we have not even come close to evolving.  But is not the fault of religion. Culpability belongs to the oligarchs and plutocrats who are so deliberate with religion that when they assail us with a fusillade of propaganda insidious enough, we are beside ourselves.

But it will still be our fault.

Drinks for my friends.



Ain’t that America

This Saturday I parked my car at a meter on Ventura Boulevard for my monthly haircut. I fed the meter enough quarters for an hour and fifteen minutes. The same woman, now semi retired, has been cutting my hair for nearly thirty years. Sometimes we get to talking and I’m usually her last customer of the day, so I always hedge with a few extra coins to insure against a parking ticket because I’ll probably forget about it or procrastinate over until it triples.

I emerged coiffed, shampooed and replete with pleasant smelling hair elixirs wafting, contemplating lunch, only to witness my car on a flatbed on its way to an impound.  My tags were expired.  Months earlier, when registering my car at Triple A, I learned that my insurance had yet to appear in the DMV data base so they issued me a sort of temporary certificate of registration.  Proof that I was paid up.  It goes without saying it wasn’t good enough for the department of transportation dickwad who’d initiated the whole miscarriage of justice.  After a brief and heated exchange where I made sure he understood that I was indeed not in arrears with documents in hand, after I precipitated a definitive end to the conversation by congratulating him on his career and remarking that his parents must be proud, he rolled up his window and sped off and my car did the same on the flatbed truck.

It was really nobody’s fault but mine, but still, because it was a Saturday and the bureaucracy with authority to release my car was closed for the weekend, it ended up being a nearly $500 mistake.  Three days of storage fees.

Over expired tags that I had actually paid for.

Fuck me.

I’m lucky.

I could take the hit.

I’ve been in a position where it would have sunk me.

But I’m confident that most people with expired tags simply can’t afford the fees yet need their vehicles to get back and forth from their shitty jobs, pick up their kids, go to the grocery store and the doctor.

People need their cars in Southern California.  They don’t neglect due diligence when it comes to livelihood.  In Los Angeles, you need a car.

I thought about how this morally absent kind of fuckery results in people becoming homeless.

There are European countries that base fines and penalties for minor infractions on income.  If you’re income is modest, it’s like ten bucks, if you’re flush, it’s like $500.

Makes sense.

I read somewhere recently that American banks collected about $300 million in overdraft fees last year.

That’s bullshit.  These huge, outrageously profitable financial institutions preyed on the people who can least afford it.

That’s America goddamnit.

Love it or leave it.

We just hate the poor.

You’re a loser in America if you’re poor, even if you went broke because you got sick.

You’re a loser in America if you can’t afford a college education in America despite the fact that housing and tuition have risen by something like 800% in the last couple decades.

You’re a loser in America if some greedy asshole CEO outsourced your job to another country, not to save the company, but merely to further line his and board member pockets and you need unemployment compensation and food stamps because they fucked you over amounts of money they’ll never even be able to spend.

This is why our middle class is evaporating.

This is why we have record rates of poverty, homelessness and child hunger.

This is how unchecked, unregulated capitalism is a slow motion catastrophe.

This is why America is well on its way to becoming a third world country.

Be sure to check under your bed for Muslims and root for your favorite team.

Drinks for my friends.




Conspiracy Theory

You already know that there’s a far more efficient and an eco friendly way to power all transportation other than fossil fuels.

You already know there’s a way to manufacture every kind of textile, plastic and construction material with renewable, non petroleum sourced commodities.

You already know there is an easily available way to power our homes and businesses with energy from the natural cycles and rhythms of the earth.

You already understand that war is waged exclusively because of greed, lust for power and  control and that is why we are where we are.

You already know these problems are solvable.

Ninety nine percent of world scientists agree.

Exxon Mobile and Shell have publicly acquiesced to the reality of climate change.

What exactly is the deal with oligarchs vehemently campaigning against any notion of climate change or the cause thereof?  Why exactly are they so determined for us to believe such a blatant lie?  I’m not paranoid for wondering at the impetus here.  I’m saying it’s pretty obvious.  They want less of us and more for themselves.  They would rather most of us kill each other or die somehow.

So it makes sense that captains of industry, CEOs and modern day kings like the Koch brothers spend millions if not billions to persuade us otherwise.

They have a plan.

You already know that ridiculously rich people are sociopaths.  They are more than willing to risk the destruction of our ecosystems, mass extinction of species and humans.  They are betting on a planet that is only inhabitable by a select few and with so much goddamn money, they can literally construct their own bio-domes or underground castles or whatever it takes to ride it out .  And of course, just enough of the rest of us for manual labor and other necessities.

The rest of the world’s population will starve or burn or drown or suffocate outside their fortresses.

Nothing else makes sense. They have run our shit for centuries, now this small but outrageously wealthy and powerful cabal is denying hard science.  Obvious truth.  There is only one reason for all this mendacity.

There’s too fucking many humans and they know it and perpetual war, famine, disease  etc. aren’t quite doing the trick.

Not quick enough.

They are terraforming the earth into a more manageable population for themselves by polluting the shit out of it and sucking it dry.  They are deliberately destroying the planet in order to exert complete dominance over what will be left for only them.

Whatever it takes.  Fear of the the innocent.  Religious zealotry.  Racial animus. Xenophobia.  Nationalism.  Media manipulation. Blind hatred and an addiction to self righteous rage.  Whatever it takes to distract us from exactly what they are up to.

Let them eat cake indeed.

When the fuck are we going to get this?

An asteroid or a comet may end life on earth as we know it someday but the 1% could do it long before that.

Drinks for my friends.

Deep Thoughts

I don’t care what anyone says. The music of the seventies was easily as rich and inventive and innovative as the music of the sixties.  The eighties didn’t suck by any means.

I don’t practice much in the way of brand loyalty but there is no substitute for Best Foods/Hellman’s Mayonnaise, Bob’s Big Boy Bleu Cheese Dressing or Jif Extra Crunchy Peanut Butter.

The problem with children is they eat a lot, they can’t drive, they have no money and they are always around.

It doesn’t matter whether you win or lose. What matters is how good you looked.

The two most attractive things about a woman are confidence and intelligence. A foreign accent doesn’t hurt.

If there is such a thing as a soul, animals have them too.  Having said that, there isn’t much that puts me in the red faster than animal abuse.

If only people would take their politics as seriously as their sports, America would be a much better place.

A vacation is a drink in your hand,a nice view and the means to afford a really good meal.

If I could choose a superpower, it would probably be invisibility. I could get away with all kinds of shit.

I like living in Los Angeles but it doesn’t have shit on New York or even San Francisco.  It’s too bad that there isn’t a Waffle House in any of them.

Wearing sunglasses indoors or at night is an egregious character flaw. I won’t even fucking talk to you.

One of the biggest mistakes you can make in life is taking yourself too seriously. I’m still trying to learn that.

If “to go” cups were bottom heavy instead of top heavy, cars wouldn’t need cup holders.

When I was a kid, sixteen or seventeen, in Carson City Nevada, there were three or four brothels just over the county line at the end of a cul-de -sac.  Me and my buddies would visit them on a Friday or Saturday night.  We didn’t have any money but they didn’t know that.  They would buzz us in, we’d sit on couches and the hookers would do a lineup and introduce themselves with ridiculous names.  We’d politely decline to make a decision and the madame would offer us a cocktail.  The implication was that we wanted to see what other women were available who were busy at the time of our arrival.  After a time, a few free drinks and some light conversation and flirtation with the working girls, the madame would figure out we didn’t have any money and ask us to leave.  It was all very amicable.  We would thank her and depart politely.  She would buzz us out. Then we would walk to the next one to ring the buzzer.

A booze mop should always consist of eggs, some iteration of greasy fried potatoes and sauce ranging from ketchup to Tobasco or Siracha.

The phrase “Happy Holidays” is just fine.  Get over yourself if you think otherwise asshole.

I like big boobs and can’t fathom why I should be impugned for it.

Never had a Bigwheel. That’s my problem. The television commercials were amazing. They kept coming out with new models.  There ended up being a super cool green one. You could go pretty fast on one of those machines and slide across some serious amount of driveway with the genius braking mechanisms. I was at least twelve and riding bicycles by then.

Nobody knows the trouble I’ve seen.

Also, tomatoes don’t taste like they used to.  They are fire engine red but over the last decade or two, supermarket tomatoes have become flavorless and have a texture like sand in a flavorless pudding.  I remember when my mother would slice one in the kitchen and I could smell it in the living room.  That only happens these days if I buy heirlooms from a farmer’s market in the fall.

I think I want to live in the forties.  No smart phones, no internet and flavorful produce.  Really great radio programs. And I could wear a fedora without looking like a hipster or a lesbian.

The internet is a comedy to those who think and a tragedy to those who feel.

Green Day was playing in the supermarket tonight.  I’m bothered by this because Green Day is apparently innocuous enough to enhance my grocery shopping experience.  I can’t stand the idea of it.  As I write this, seniors in senior living facilities are enjoying the music of Led Zeppelin and Deep Purple.

What if I end up with with varicose veins?

What then?

Drinks for my friends.

Absent courage

It’s not really baffling that the only republican candidates calling Trump out on his lowest common denominator obsequiousness to the knuckle dragging mouth breathers are the ones at the back of the pack looking for anything to gain traction.

What’s disturbing is that the media keeps serving at the pleasure of this malignant narcissist scion. They just broadcast his vicious brand of fear porn without reservation.

Nevermind the worthless American citizens who lap his shit up. Where the fuck is the responsibility or accountability of our journalists?  They sit with composure and deference while this anti-articulate dickhead vomits hate and vitriol all over our airwaves.

So far the the only “journalist” to even approach a come to Jesus moment with Trump is Bill O’Reilly.

Fuck me.

It’s malpractice.  They should all be sued.  I am disgusted. Bigoted liars like Trump used to fear or at least respect the media, now somehow the media fears Trump. Because they are cowards and he is a bully.  Chuck Todd actually said he was afraid to call Trump on his shit because  he wouldn’t come on his show anymore.  So fucking what?  Skewer him for being afraid.  That  puts asses in the seats at least as much as allowing the blowhard to pollute your bandwidth.  Zero integrity.  Zero respect for what used to be an esteemed institution.  What if Trump was actually afraid to show up because he knew he was going to be held to one goddamn standard or another?  Isn’t that the way it used to be?

Remember David Duke?

He flamed out because he was a piece of shit and the media weren’t such pussies.

The same actually goes for the rest of the champion liars posing as candidates.  Like Carly Fiorina and Ted Cruz.    These two are vaudeville mendacious and debate moderators aren’t just complicit, they are participants for not shaming them on live television.  It was embarrassing to watch.  They got away with a metric ton of crap.

The same spineless talking heads that call every right wing, evangelical gun nut a radical or misunderstood or simply, the shooter.  Instead of what they are.  Terrorists.  Because they are always white.

So much for the “liberal media”.

And here’s the thing about Trump in particular, he’s barely spent a dime.  Our media is his Super PAC.  He is playing us like we’ve never been played before.  It’s not just FOX aiding and abetting here boys and girls.  It’s all of us.

Me too.

“The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars, but in ourselves……..”


All the way around.

Drinks for my friends.

Eat it and smile

I can’t help it. I’ve done it before and I’m sure I’ll do it again. Like millions before and millions hence. So forgive me. Donald Trump is the biggest asshole to ever run for president of this country by a fucking mile. He is a stain on American dignity. An indictment of our ignorance and cruel stupidity.  This one piece of lamentable shit has managed to expose our most profound moral and ethical shortcomings so completely that I have never been more embarrassed to be an American.

If this man gets elected, we deserve it.  Because it will be our own consequence of laziness and apathy and complacency.  A low brow campaign of distraction and obfuscation.  Because we are rubes.  Suckers.  And it will mean that our only hope for salvation by wisdom is even more abject suffering.  It will be a sign that we require further self abuse to learn our lesson.

It will mean we asked for it.

And this is exactly why Brainspank officially endorses Bernard Sanders for president of the United States of America.  Because he is our last chance at embarrassing these idiots.  Our last chance at shutting them the fuck up.  I believe he is our last hope at extinguishing the rampant and chronic fuckery that has infected us as a country and a people.

Yup, alert the media.

This is big.

Because Hillary Clinton is basically an opportunist.

She is full of shit.

She is on record speaking glowingly of the TPP and Keystone XL before she stuck her finger in the wind.  Among the most disingenuous things she’s opined is that somehow as secretary of state, she had no knowledge of either one in any way so only now has she made up her mind.  She is lying.

She won’t commit to expanding medicare, medicaid and Social Security.  She won’t in fact commit to not weakening them.  She won’t commit to a $15 an hour minimum wage.  She has earned millions of dollars in speaking fees and collected millions more from the very institutions that flirted with the financial demise of the millions of people in this country who actually work for a living.  She is committed to allowing them another chance at the table.  I don’t care who you are or what you think you know, she absolutely has their backs.  And just recently, the last straw for me, she criticized Sanders for his support of the notion that we deserve single payer health coverage as a right, not a privilege.  It’s our money, it’s not goddamn  free and we deserve to have our money spent on our well being as opposed to our money spent on multiple ridiculous wars that enrich the rich even further.

Bernie Sanders is the only candidate that even talks about this.  Our money.

I will admit this, I will vote for her if she gets the nomination, because she is as Sanders said, better on her worst day than any of these goofecock republicans.  Because it will then be about nominations to the supreme court.  Corporate democrats will punch you in the back of the head just as hard as republicans over sparing the filthy rich but they have a soft spot when it comes to social imperatives.

I won’t be capitulating.

If this woman gets elected, we deserve it.  Because it will be our own consequence of laziness and apathy and complacency. A low brow campaign of distraction and obfuscation.  Because we are rubes.  Suckers.  And it will mean that our only hope for salvation by wisdom is even more abject suffering.  It will be a sign that we require further self abuse to learn our lesson.

It will mean we asked for it.

We have one shot at this.

Go Bernie go.

Drinks for my friends.


I could not be more thoroughly disgusted that we live in a world where things like this occur.

I am all but hollowed out by the empty headed reactions to it.

France begins by stepping up their bombing in Syria with fierce and ignorant determination.  The Russian bear is doing the same. Here in the homeland, we’re all fired up jingoistic. Our rednecks are beside themselves with xenophobic lust even though the only word they recognize that starts with “x” is “xmas”.  Our neocons are masturbating in public. Some asshole on cable news just now said Saudi Arabia is cool because they have never attacked us.

Instead of admitting we made this mess, we insist on pursuing the same obtuse path, the same binary policies that led directly and predictably to this minor horror.

Yup,  A minor horror.

Spare the sentimentalism, it really is awful.

I get that.

We’re doing big picture here.

A minor horror in the scheme of things.  Merely awful compared to the horrific shit we pull over there. We kill these fuckers wholesale.  Everyday.  All the time. All day long. We don’t care. We see them as cockroaches. And they are sick and fucking tired of us wading in with overwhelming military force, obscene wealth and ginormous resources, only to make things exponentially worse.  We are the architects of their hell.

They have every reason to fucking hate us and we show no sign of giving up stepping on our dicks anytime soon.

I am loath to be the bearer of the obvious, but all these tragedies are of our own device.  Well, to be fair, it’s us and all the oligarchies, plutocracies and theocracies we call allies.  Our coalition.

Understand that our lethally modern military is about as useful as a machine gun against a nest of hornets.  We didn’t defeat The Soviet Union, they did.  We have way more money by virtue of raping our middle class, but the more we turn our machines of modern warfare on them, the more they will visit destruction on innocents.

They don’t have a goddamn army and it’s their biggest advantage.

They don’t hate us for our goddamn freedoms. They hate us because we refuse to stay the fuck out of their lives. They cheer us on as it blows up in our faces. We create the petri dish for recruitment and chaos.  Clumsy giants. Clueless oafs with aircraft carriers in a theater where it just doesn’t matter. At all. We are being lured into boots on the ground. We can make blast craters every hundred yards in the entire Middle East and they will laugh at us.  It’s not like that’s never happened  before.

We have but three choices if we genuinely want to prevail.  Stop utilizing fossile fuels tomorrow, turn all the sand into glass or leave.  I’m not kidding.  We’re not going to abandon the absurdly archaic and obsolete monopoly of petroleum anytime soon.  So yes,  kill every single last one of them with our aging nuclear arsenal or move the fuck on.

Again, don’t get all sentimental on me here, we’re doing big picture.

I’m in favor of the latter.

Here’s the rub, and this is my point, there is no surplus in either one of the only two viable solutions.  No need for exorbitant defense contractors, no nutrition for the military industrial complex, no reason to perpetuate the insanity and therefore no reason not to pursue the not so new normal of endless war.  Neither solution supplies reason to continue a closed loop enterprise that generates enormous revenue for the sick bastards who collect the filthy lucre and worship at the altar of death and violence.

So I’m in favor of walking away.

It is the most sensible, compassionate and courageous thing we could possibly do.  Help in whatever way we can.  Welcome as many refugees fleeing this nightmare we created as we have capacity for and otherwise abdicate the blackening of sand with blood to the five million troops that are already there.

Drinks for my friends.

Fight Chewbacca

All you jackasses understand is a goddamn brand. You don’t give a mad fuck what the brand stands for. You don’t care what the brand does. You’ll never take it upon yourself to seriously question the brand. Your brand cannot do any wrong no matter what. No matter what anyone who opposes your brand says or does, you reject it without ever considering it.

You are useless.

We have abandoned the civic responsibility of being informed.  Too much information is the new normal.  Clearly, people are stupefied.

Everybody needs a brand.

I understand now why we are where we are.

We have always been willing to work hard but are otherwise intellectually lazy.  It is more confusing than ever but we are so convinced that nose to the grindstone is paramount, we have forgotten to think  for ourselves.  Hard work is the key to the universe and failure to be rich means you’re a lazy bastard.  We actually believe all that.

Right and left.

Every single one of the republicans is an asshole with really shitty branding.

But they sell the shit out of anything.

They do it with fear.

It works.

Democrats are just as stupid as republicans.  Liberals are just as stupid as conservatives.  Progressives are just as stupid as the freedom caucus. Real issues are tertiary at best. It’s all about the cult of personality.  We really are all the same.  Hillary supporters don’t know shit about Bernie but think he’s a lazy commie ammosexual and Bernie supporters think Hillary is a corporate whore who abdicated her responsibility for blowjobs to an intern.  Reminds me of the other party in black hats.

It’s goddamn depressing.  I watch these assholes online, on social media, posting memes and links to polls and vines that are completely absent any effort whatsoever.  No adult discussion of issues, policy or legislation.  And these are liberals, progressives and democrats.  Madness.  It really is like they are rooting for their favorite wrestler.

See, democrats do it with hope.

Republicans have completely lost the will to do legitimate, germane topics.  They no longer even bother.  They surrendered to the culture wars and other idiocy. Democrats are close behind.  They screech, whine and explode over their candidate.  Hillary supporters get ugly and Bernie supporters get mean at the drop of a hat. Neither side offers anything salient, both sides just start shooting.

It has burst my bubble for sure.

I understand now why we are where we are.

Drinks for my friends.


Opposite day

I’m sitting here watching yet another clusterfuck republican debate.

They talk about taxes like that’s the problem. We are paying less in taxes, particularly corporations and the wealthy, than we have in five decades.  They ignore what we spend that tax revenue on.

They talk about government being too big but never mention that government spending, with the exception of the ridiculously bloated defense budget, has been going down for years.

They talk about immigration like it is is some sort of cancer on the economy and that deporting all the dirty wetbacks is the path to remission when our economy would collapse in a goddamn month if they could somehow manifest this fantasy.

They talk about too much regulation when the lack thereof is what’s literally killing us.

They talk about the need to spend even more on “defense”.  A trillion dollars more.  I shit you not.  When was the last time American soil actually needed defending? We don’t defend shit.  We start wars and we already spend a trillion dollars a year to do it.  Ten times more, a thousand percent more, than any other country.  It is insane.

They talk about terrorism being our most compelling threat.  The last time we were attacked was by Saudis but they’re one of our most important allies so we attacked a country that didn’t have shit to do with it and destabilized the whole region so thoroughly that a third world war is now a realistic possibility.

They talk about concentration of wealth and income inequality but only to blame it on Obama as opposed to republican obstructionism while they all pissed on a $15 minimum wage by lying about it’s effects.  They actually argued that wages were too high.  Seriously.  Fuck me.

The very things that are strangling us are the same things that earn the most enthusiastic and boisterous applause.  They all talk about cutting taxes, eliminating regulation and making more war when those three things exclusively are the reason for the the shit storm we are in.

They don’t talk about climate change, despite our very own pentagon identifying it as our most existential threat.

They don’t talk about homeless veterans, homeless in general, poverty etc.  No solutions, no substance, nothing salient or germane.

They don’t talk about how we can possibly hope to compete with countries that pay to educate their populace and provide access to health care with tax revenue instead of starving their middle class with absurd “defense” budgets.

They don’t talk about gun violence and racial inequality.

It’s fucking brain damage on parade.

Then, right in the goddamn middle of the whole masturbatory circus, there’s a fucking commercial for some bullshit, nationalistic propaganda movie about Benghazi. I swear I imagined millions of FOX viewers simultaneously commencing to diddle themselves with this guarantee of actualization for their addiction to rage.  Fear porn just like they crave it. I feel sorry for the mouth breathing viewers who mistook it for the actual money shot and spent the second half of the debate flagellating themselves back to inspiration.

Drinks for my friends.

The Company You Keep

The whole notion that Americans are somehow morally superior or righteous in some God given way is one of the fattest loads of crap ever served up.

We are not.

We do adore these handiest and laziest of myths.

We are not possibly any better than the millions our government has murdered in pursuit of imperialistic adventure.  How can we stomach ourselves after sending our youngest adults with the common denominator of least potential to commit these atrocities and then ignore them once they return from being murderous pawns in a rigged game of geopolitical brinkmanship?  We sloganeer relentlessly about supporting our troops.  It’s disgusting.  We say it with bumper stickers and memes and yellow ribbons but we never discuss the mental anguish our greed has visited upon these completely clueless innocent soldiers.  They come back missing arms and legs.  They come back missing scoops of their brains.  They come back missing a reason to live because they were ordered to participate in the absolute worst humans are capable of and we can’t wait to lionize them right before we completely blow them off.

We never have to look at them.

We never actually see them.

We cheer lead and wax all jingoistic with the requisite poison dose of nationalism that justifies might being right.

We’re so badass.

We rewrite history books and even textbooks to hide the blood on our hands.  Holocaust is a word that Americans know because of WWII, not because of our own systematic genocide of native Americans.  We ascribe our very worst behaviors to God’s will and then we pray.  That fucks with me.  Really hard.

Just last week our hope and change democratic president committed to putting boots on the ground in Syria.  A small number.  Sure.  But after he basically swore he wouldn’t. Five million goddamn soldiers in that region with fat fucking defense budgets and we somehow have to put our kids in another hopeless goddamn mess.

For what?

For profit.

For advantage.

For the bullshit that no one but the 1% cares about.


And half of us take these assholes seriously.  These candidates that preach about our moral and ethical responsibility in a world gone mad that they either made or hope to make or keep making.  How can we be so goddamn dumb?  It’s completely useless unless you’re stinking rich.  America makes war for profit.  Exclusively. How many did we kill in Vietnam,  Korea,  Libya, or  Iraq?  What’s it gonna take for us to learn this lesson?  Shit gets exponentially worse when profits soar.

These wars, this massive amount of death and destruction cannot possibly make the world anything other than worse.  It makes the filthy rich even richer and exposes the rest of us as rubes. We haven’t actually won a war since WWII.  We haven’t actually declared a war since then.  We haven’t actually fought a war since then that didn’t make everything ten times worse.


We have the most devastating military in the history of humankind and that’s our biggest goddamn problem.

We really have to stop being such patsies.

We need to get over ourselves.

ISIS and Al Qaeda are not a threat to you.  Not even close to the threat domestic right wing evangelical nut job gun nuts are.  America’s most compelling problems are all domestic. All of our worries and troubles are homegrown.

The very best evidence of this is the concerted effort to convince us otherwise.

If we could just shave twenty five percent from our national aspiration to visit misery and death on whomever stands in our way, we could spend it on taking care of most of our problems and people.  We would still be, by far, the most powerful military in the history of our species.  There would then be the extra added benefit of us being roughly one quarter less giant dickheads on the world stage.

Drinks for my friends.


We no longer give a shit about anybody we don’t actually know.  It’s how assholes are allowed to become even bigger assholes and believe all Mexicans and Blacks are lazy and nobody deserves food stamps.  It’s why rednecks think people even less fortunate than them are stealing from them instead of corporations, the military industrial complex and Wall Street. It’s how Ben Carson and Donald Trump are dominating the truncated attention span of the roughly one quarter of of our electorate that just can’t vote responsibly.

Think about it.  I’ve always called it the The One Quarter Paradigm.  When Nixon fled office ahead of impeachment, his approval rating was roughly 25%.  When Cheney and Bush escaped, somewhere around one quarter of our national pie was still rooting for the bastards.  The two most gigantic goofecocks of the century so far and brother Jeb is actually running on the keeping us safe thing.

One fourth of us are just enough of idiot to still get all wistful about them.

I don’t care who you are, that’s disgusting.

We must automatically saw 25% of all American voters off the top.

Too goddamn stupid to reach, much less help.


Trump and Carson are less than the paradigm already.  They will fade.  Their replacements will perform the same.  The entire bench cannot be more than half of the paradigm.  Do the math. Republicans are going to lose big unless democrats learn lickety split to eat there own the way the GOP has been for a decade.  Margins could be pregnant enough to make all patrician efforts by the paradigm no different than pissing in the wind. Gerrymandering and disenfranchisement won’t matter.  The GOP is not a threat in the context of national elections. They have nobody with legs or lungs.  They will cheat like bastards and it won’t matter.

Me, I like Kasich. I bet he’s a lush.

So let’s stop wringing our hands and sweating through our frilly liberal blouses over them.

Two candidates.

Sanders and Clinton.

Unless we screw the pooch.

I believe one is far better than the other but that’s not important right now.  Bernie supporters that intend to write him in for the general election if they don’t get their way are idiots.  This isn’t a campaign for student body president.  Clinton supporters who screech about Bernie not being a democrat or claim that he’s never accomplished anything are just assholes.

If anyone tries to tell me there’s a sexist element here I’ll swing hard for the center of the face.

The Supreme Court above all else.

The republicans are doing an excellent job of making Americans look like dickheads around the world.  If liberals keep it up the world will finally figure out what dickheads all of us really are. They will turn against us and the weird places around the world who still covet our culture will just dry up.

Canada just showed us.


Grow the fuck up.

Drinks for my friends.



I’ve been pretty skeptical about the substantive differences between our two political parties for awhile.

Having said that, I still believe the democratic party is the lesser of two evils. So it it makes complete angry sense to me to avail myself of every opportunity to to mock, impugn, malign, insult and deride the spectacularly ridiculous and transparent antics of republicans. If for no other reason than to put democrats on notice that we smell bullshit and if we ever manage to wade our way through all of the republican fuckery foisted on us by the hour, democrats need to get that they are next.

It only makes sense to staunch blood from the most prolific wound first.

I fully expected Hillary to maintain calm and control during the Benghazi burlesque.  She did not disappoint.  She has balls.  There’s no other way to say it.  She was playing chess while the republicans on the committee dabbled at checkers.  She is whip smart and solid. She played them and I don’t doubt she actually set them up. With grace and aplomb.  She flat out outlasted them.  It was an awesome display of composure and command of facts, specifics and patience.

She crushed it.

I am enthusiastic about Bernie Sanders for reasons I think are pretty obvious.  But Hillary Clinton doesn’t suck.  I will vote for her in the general if that’s the lay of the land come next summer.  I’ll feel better about it because of her performance today.

If we’re ever actually able to make the entire republican bench cry in front of their mouth breathing, knuckle dragging base, it will be Hillary under the next microscope, not Bernie Sanders.

So here’s my point, Bernie Sanders’ influence on this election has been nothing but a net positive.  He absolutely has moved the entire conversation further left.  He alone is responsible for Hillary’s “coming out” on Keystone and more importantly, the TPP.  I do not trust her newfound positions on these things but it is measurable progress nonetheless.  She is too cozy with the puppet masters and that is a fact.

What it amounts to is whether we we move forward or keep from sliding back.  It’s either a political and social revolution or not losing too much more ground for at least four more years.  Maybe we’ll be more sick of this crap after that long but I doubt it.  The time is now.  It’s pretty plain that none of these jackasses on the republican bench stands a chance against pinball wizards like Hillary or Bernie.

Imagine Trump or Carson trying to pile on against either of them.

Light sabers versus cap pistols.

It makes me wish I was a comedian.

I can’t wait.

It’s ours to lose.

Drinks for my friends.

Confessions Of An Electron Director (A&M Chapter Nineteen V2.0)

Once upon a time there was a band named Dumpster.

A Brian Huttenhower project. Famous A&R guy who signed Soundgarden and then succumbed to crack.

The lead singer was a dude named Robert English. He simmered. Brilliant blues eyes, big front teeth, one chipped in half and a bald head. Burly and coiled like he’d just been released from prison.  My sense was he would combust with violence like taking a breath.

I was afraid of him.

His girlfriend was all tall amber pale and vampy. She was a B level porn star and he was a heroin junkie. I feared him when he needed his demon but I liked him. Very smart and very funny. Tons of dark charisma. Nosferatu and Anton LeVey.

An anarchist.

A nihilist.

He showed up one morning to the recording session with an eyebrow missing. When I asked about it, he smirked, looked away and said he’d woken up with it  resting perfectly on his pillow. He said he decided to leave it there, just as he found it.  He described it with his hands as he explained.  He was lying to me.  Of course.

I wondered out loud if there was maybe a radiation leak nearby.

Dumpster was an angry band. Furious punk rock with excellent pop hooks. Kelly, the drummer told me that Robert’s girlfriend had the ugliest pussy he’d ever seen. I didn’t understand until he popped in a VHS one day. It was an incredibly ugly pussy. The color was wrong. Like those badly lit menu photos overhead in cheap ethnic restaurants. Garish and glistening color with fucked up contrast.

We took a break everyday around six when she showed up with Robert’s rig in a small tin.  He didn’t want it around otherwise because he was serious about what we were doing.  He was limiting himself.  She nurtured with slender hands and a soft voice until he was high and then patronized with long fingers and dirty nails once he was.  She was was afraid of him but in love with what she wanted him to be.

She smelled of dryer sheets and feminine deodorant.

It was far from my first experience with a drug addicted musician but something about Robert intrigued me way beyond any of it.

He told me a story about getting hit in the face with a full can of beer while walking along side a highway in South Carolina on a hot summer day. He said he figured he deserved it because he was just some fucking punk and that was how his front tooth was chipped. He said it didn’t hurt much. He was lying to me, about all of it.

I hated that.

He was a lion, just sitting and staring at me, tail flicking, sizing me up and down. Robert was some kind of predator.

Until we did smack together, when he became a very dangerous cartoon.

We began to talk about it. I did my best to lure him into conversations about it.  It took a few days. He ended up being a pretty forthright guy. He knew what I was getting at. Heroin was pretty much the only drug I’d never experimented with. I was more than curious. I knew full well the hold it took. I’d already seen people die from it. I was crazy dumb and fearless.

Eventually he relented, with the firm disclaimer that he was not about to be responsible for what came of it. He warned me with brutal candor about what we were going to do. No way would he have anything to do with me shooting it. He had just enough evil maliciousness to wonder would happen if he abetted and indulged me.

So we waited until we were finished recording one night and smoked it off aluminium foil, inhaling it with a glass tube.  Chasing the dragon. Bubbling brown sugar streaming down burning chrome as we followed it with a Bic flame from underneath.

He coached me the entire time.

Making sure I got a good hit and wasn’t wasting his dope.

It was pungent but sweet.

Curry and honey.

The high was ridiculous and overwhelming. Almost hot. Molasses in my head. I could not believe how comfortable I was.  An earthquake would have been a curiosity. We had beers and talked about what we were working on. We had another hit. He walked me through it again. We talked about his life. I didn’t understand how such an angry man could succumb to such flowery observations in such a syrupy calm and swampy Carolina drawl.

I wondered if he would be homicidal without it.

The heroin.

Some people need to be medicated.

The next night we finished and waited for the band to leave. We took a plate from the kitchen and I snorted grainy beige sugar into each nostril. His lines were longer and fatter than mine. I was glad of that. We took  a walk. I told the guard we’d be back in a while on the way out the front gates.

Up La Brea and onto Sunset. We walked for about an hour without saying much. The lights and neon were gorgeous and the smells of exhaust and fast food coated me in a way so spectacularly pleasant but impossible to describe. My small town boy enveloped in the city and it’s most lethal drug. Glazed and nestled in the soft wholesome fibers of Hollywood autumn twilight. I asked about his anger and whether heroin might be what balanced him. He took his time and finally said he imagined there were better things out there for him but he didn’t know what they were.

He was telling me the truth as best he could.

He asked me if I was having fun and I told him I was floating in bliss. I said to him I can never do this again and he smiled for the first and last time I ever saw and said he hoped not under his breath.

I never did.

It still haunts me.

Don’t doubt that the randomness of life is in someway synchronized with all the things that we don’tunderstand about the universe. It’s what we do know that confounds us. All the while, what we don’t know blows us along.

Drinks for my friends.


It’s interesting isn’t it?

Two republicans have dropped out of the race because God told them to get in and then God told them to get out.

Right there on live television they lie.  And they are incredible, massively audacious, thundering lies. There has never been more effrontery.

These motherfuckers.

The entire GOP is completely bereft of anything at all.

Anything at all.

Then there’s us.

If you don’t support Hillary, you’re a he-man woman hater.  A chauvinist.  You  bristle at her pantsuits or criticize her for big bad Bill’s blow jobs.  She shamelessly milked that the other night. Waiting for the swinging dicks and the feminists to clash.  She’s a corporate trollop and a hawk.  She has mad skills.

It’s not untrue.

Or, because you dare to hope a consistent man of integrity like Bernie Sanders has a chance of finally breaking the forty year grip of neoconservative and neoliberal fuckery, well then you must just be looking to suck a fart out of a unicorns ass.  Because he’s a grumpy loser who’s never accomplished anything.  Because he’s a “socialist” and too radical.  He’s a populist.

It’s not untrue.

Like this is some sports rivalry.

The pregame for the democratic debate the other night might as well have been produced for the goddamn Superbowl. I was offended.  I was thoroughly nonplussed by Cheryl Crow singing the national anthem.   It’s what’s on TV so what the hell. It had tremendous production value.  I was expecting a prize fight and tons of blood.  I didn’t get that.

Social media is a petri dish for this nonsense.

There’s no way left to get the masses to understand that we’re all in the same boat.

Liberals are just as goddamn dumb as conservatives and the corollary is that democrats are no longer different in any meaningful way than republicans. Yes, the democratic debate was classier and far less callow.  But it’s over and not one thing has changed. There is no better evidence than assholes from both parties acting and responding in exactly the same way. Like it’s recess on the playground.  It not the democratic debate this that proves this, it’s the obsession with who won.

It occurs to me that the entire point of a political debate is not whether there is a winner or a loser, but rather how the game was played.  In other words, how good you looked.  The problem is with the immaturity of the electorate.

They can’t all be assholes.

Drinks for my friends.




Rich Man Poor Man

Let’s set an arbitrary figure.  Say $100 million. If you have 100 million dollars all to your lonesome and you are not a world class, king hell, reigning champion philanthropist, you suck. That’s more money than you can ever spend on yourself and like five generations to come.

Here’s what’s worse.  If you aren’t spectacularly generous,  you are saying that somehow you have been gifted with a provenance of wisdom and prudence so divine as to allow you to decide who eats and who starves. Who freezes and who gets a bed and a blanket.  Because you could make an actual difference and you don’t.  If all you bastards got together, you could literally save the world.

I’m talking about the 1% here.

The filthy.

Rich people can be disgusting. Most seem to hate the poor.  They actually believe poor people are somehow infected with failure.  Like it’s a disease.  They are are afraid of them.  Afraid of us.

I’ve always wondered, in terms of personal fortune, what really is the difference between $20 million and $200 million?  What the hell?  When do you stop caring how much you can accumulate?  How do the vulgar rich not understand there’s a finite amount of money and at a certain point  they are manufacturing poverty?

I’m paraphrasing a famous author when I say that socialism never caught on in America because most of the electorate view themselves as temporarily inconvenienced millionaires.  The pollution of ideology.  The absurdity of the carrot and the stick we’ve all been offered.

So we worship wealth.  And products that make us look wealthier than we are.  The rich do the very same thing only better.  We envy them.  We want to live in those cool living rooms we see in the movies. They do.  They live there.  Prosperity has become a euphemism for greed.

Cat puke would confuse them.  It would ruin their day.

I don’t get it.  But, I like money too.  Who doesn’t?  I was at the mall today and I shopped.  I didn’t buy much but I enjoyed my consumer experience.  I really love ostentatious indoor shopping malls.  I could spend hours in Williams Sonoma.  I could live there.  L’occitane is my favorite goddamn store.  I chose between Hot Dog On a Stick and a Mongolian barbecue.  I came home with a gorgeous cologne on my wrist.  I loves me some mall.  Retail therapy.  I love that shit.

I’d like to believe that if I won the lottery to the tune of say, five million, I’d buy an Audi R8, some new clothes, a nice watch and a modest house.  Then I’d enroll in some history and literature classes and find an animal shelter to volunteer at.  I’d get organized enough to eat mostly healthy food, exercise and spend way more time with friends and family.  I wouldn’t be available before noon no matter what.

I don’t understand why people who hoard houses full to bursting with useless possessions are regarded differently than people who hoard more money than they can ever possibly spend.  We are disgusted by the former but celebrate the latter.  Seems like the same disease to me.

Most filthy rich people in the world didn’t earn it.  They have no idea what it’s like to spend physical, intellectual or emotional capital day in and day out to barely get by.  Most of them inherited it from ancestors who made a career of screwing labor and they, the scions, make a career of the same.

Not a novel conclusion I know.

I’m not here to split the atom but i’d like to point out the obvious.

Understand.  The decisions we make every day are because of decisions they have already made.  They are running our shit.

It’s just weird how we revere these people.  With few exceptions, they contribute nothing to society.  Most of them are in fact, a cancer infecting the rest us one way or another.  They buy our representatives, they buy entire governments.  They pollute our air and water and food without fear of sanction or censure or punishment.  They invest in and make shit loads of money off of war.  Most of them don’t give a mad fuck about anyone but themselves.  They are sociopaths without the habit of serial murder.

Yet we have at least two presidential candidates running based solely on the credential that they are oily affluent.  One is leading in the polls and the other is gaining.

Their popularity is far more an indictment of us than it is of them.

Hang the rich.

Drinks for my friends.




The Year of The Cat

I don’t cry very often but when I do the tears start by coming out the sides of my eyes, run past my ears and my jaw, down my neck,  kinda like sweat.  It’s not until I’m really bawling that the front of my face gets soaked and my nose is running.

Once that happens, that’s when I know I’m fucked up.

My cat is dying.  She’s seventeen or eighteen years old.  Her kidneys are in an irreversible state of atrophy.

She’s old and all stove up.

Her coat is matted.  She doesn’t groom much these days.

I pet her and there are clumps.

I guess she can’t reach anymore.

Otherwise she’s still rabbit soft.

She’s a spectacularly patterned calico with huge eyes even for a cat.  Gold or green depending on kelvin temperature or her mood ring head.  Those big eyes sit a little deeper than they used too.  Despite very old bones, she walks the apartment with dignity.  Always regal but those eyes are a little confused of late.

She’s never been sweet or loving.

She’s always been cranky and particular.

I adore her.

Her name is Swirly and she’s gorgeous.

She weighs about nine pounds.

Down from twelve.

Like I said, she’s not sweet.

She can actually be a little cunty.

She happened upon me during my salad days so I’m not exactly sure how old she is.  I’ve been her dad forever. She came to the warehouse as a kitten and started visiting my office and sleeping in my chair when I was gone for the day so I became her dad.  I bought her food and scooped her box.  Took her to vet.

When I got to work back in the day, I’d drop my Starbucks and backpack in my office and head out to the warehouse where she was always waiting to announce her self from various corners and elevations.

She would say my name.

I would go to her, say her name and rub her face and chin.

When I left that job I took her with me.

She’s lived with me in seven different places and in two states.  Over a thousand miles in my car.

Now I come home and she’s bathing in the sun coming through the sliding glass door.

I always stop to watch her breathe.

To make sure she’s breathing.

She doesn’t like the new low protein food for senior kitties in the beginning stages of renal failure.  She did at first.  Now she won’t eat it.  She wants the fast food. Fancy Feast and Sheba.  She hoovers that shit and ignores the food that will prolong her life.  She doesn’t have many teeth left so I always get the kind with gravy. She’s not big on fish or seafood.

She gets dehydrated and bound up so she can’t poop.  We take her for an enema.  We have an aircraft carrier sized sectional that she owns about one quarter of.  A blue camping tarp half way between the east and west wings of it that we put the puppy pads on. She does her business there as exclusively as she can.  She lost interest in the litter box some time back.  We have a deal.  It helps me to monitor her progress.

She still likes to piss on whatever is on the bathroom floor.

The worst part is dosing her.  The irregularity regimen.  Holding her down, holding her head, prying her jaw open to squirt two different medicines down her throat from syringes.  She hates it and so do we.  It takes two of us.  I feel really bad when I miss or it spills out of her mouth because she can’t deal with it just then.

She gets a stay from the dosing for a day every time she bequeaths a turd with any heft.

Someday soon I’ll be holding her while she dies or after she’s dead.

One way or another it’s coming.

I’ve known her for a very long time and I’m watching the end of her life and she seems to know all about it.

Maybe the best and worst parts of people animal relationships is that we can’t actually explain things to each other.  We talk.  We communicate.  But we’re never sure how thorough we are being with each other.

Maybe that’s best.

Her end might be up to me.  It could be my decision.   I’m agnostic.  No “Rainbow Bridge” for me.  I hear they will come to your house now.  Home pet euthanasia. I’m pretty confused but I imagine that will be the most comfortable way for both of us.

She hangs a little closer these days.

These days she flops at my feet while I’m at the computer.  These days she doesn’t always look me straight in the eye and hiss when I pick her up to kiss her voluptuous head.  These days she seems to finally appreciate the comfort of love and affection while realizing it has nothing to do with her dignity.

We’re getting to know each other better.

She’s still beautiful and she talks more than she used to.

I’m her dad.

I’ll remember her sleeping.


This one is gonna hurt.

Drinks for my friends.


Oh Big Brother

I’m so over all this government is evil crap.

So I’m all over it.

Government is evil because we are losers.

Passing the buck and blaming the government has become an American institution. Reagan started this bullshit in earnest..  We the people are the problem.  We get lulled into complacency by the next big and shiny anything. From Pong to the latest  iphone.  Ridiculous gun racks and ludicrous sub-woofers.  Or goddamn religion. Meantime, the middle class is getting really hammered while the poor are nothing but screwed.  We know this to be true because even republicans are beginning to acknowledge it.  The high fructose generation is just mad for the cult of political personality and identity politics. Substance is always boring unless it bites you on the ass.  So we keep walking, blind eye on all the racial injustice and economic inequity. We reelect these greasy pricks over and over despite the overwhelming disgust and shame we feel.

These days the morning after sucks for everyone regardless of political affiliation.

It’s national cop out.  We keep failing at responsibility and accountability for just how fucked we are.

We are a nation of self loathers.

We have exactly the government we deserve.

We know this to be true because if everyone voted, we’d be much better off.  The percentage of voters who actually vote in this country is embarrassing.

Whoever those bastards are on TV, they aren’t us.  So instead of doing something about it, we throw a tantrum.  We don’t vote.  We disengage or get all self righteous and wallow in indignation.  The smarter ones say fuck it  and rob banks or run for office and join a bank.  Most of us who bother are just punching ourselves in the face by voting for whatever carnival barker is most successful at convincing us this new shit sandwich is really gonna be mouthwatering.

Or, they run around beseeching that voting is futile.  Despite the corporate sponsored concert of effort to disenfranchise every voter who has a legitimate axe to grind.

We are loathsome.

If I didn’t know better, I’d get me a tin foil hat and obsess over chemtrails.

Tell me what’s wrong with NASA. Going to the moon and all the attendant technology.  All that climate science and understanding of our world.  The EPA, other than being rendered so anemic and addled it can barely cross the road to file the legal equivalent of a fuck you against the Koch brothers.  The EPA used to be a contender. There’s no good reason government isn’t building and repairing bridges and roads.  The postal service is fine and costs us nothing but postage.  Social security is awesome and whatever is wrong with it is an easy fix.  

Tell me, just how the ACA is failing.  

We need Medicare and Medicaid.  

The biggest lie America believes is that we can’t afford these things.

We are the richest goddamn country in written history.

It’s stupid.

How do we govern without government?

Tell me. 

Frankly, the truth is we could put any one of these goofecock deadbeats on the republican bench in office and make them do anything we want.  We the people ended a war.  We did.  We the people rose and demanded the vote for women and blacks and all kinds of other things like reversing an amendment so we could get drunk in public again of all things.  This all happened long before we lapsed into lazy and disaffected and gave up.

You can’t just vote for a president and complain once he is elected or pout and hold your breath when she isn’t.

The price of this democratic republic is our attention and participation.

Voting is a right but it doesn’t end there.  In all reality, it’s where individual responsibility begins.

Ever notice the people who blame the government for everything are the ones counting on God to fix it all?

Drinks for my friends.


Clusterfuck Revisited

So I watched as much of it as I could stomach.

Almost the whole thing.

Actually, my DVR cut off the end of it and I found myself all little grateful.


I’d had enough.

Here’s what I learned:

The most important issue America faces today is the funding of Planned Parenthood.  All them goddamn job stealing Mexican rapists is second.  Third,  America is being bullied by every country from Mexico to China so we need to spend even more money to  somehow rebuild what is already the most powerful and well funded military the human race has ever seen.  A globally celebrated deal with Iran to prevent them from enriching material to build a nuclear weapon is a deliberate betrayal of Israel that will inevitably lead to the apocalypse comes in at number four.  Last but not least and a solid number five, is Donald Trump’s acuity for substance free ad hominem improvisation.


Carly Fiorina has poise, charisma, specifics and is completely full of shit.  She won the debate for the biggest lie about a fully formed fetus, heart beating, legs kicking, being kept alive so it’s brain could be harvested.  Unfuckingbelievable.  Jeb Bush is a weak chinned wuss that thinks Margaret Thatcher should be pictured on American currency.  Huckabee is a shameless theocratic zealot.  Ted Cruz is becoming so transparent he’ll soon disappear.  Chris Christie is the last dipshit in America who thinks marijuana is a gateway drug.  Donald Trump will solve EVERYTHING by getting along with EVERYONE even though he’s a belligerent asshole. George W. Bush kept us safe because 911 never happened despite the aftermath, which was a bonus.  Ronald  Reagan, notwithstanding selling weapons to Iran for six years and flooding our inner cities with crack as well as presiding over the most indicted, arrested and convicted administration in American history,  is virtually indistinguishable from Jesus by anyone running for president as a republican.

Rand Paul, despite being a hypocritical, plagiarizing, racist, was sane, sensible and compassionate on the issues of national drug policy and American aggression.  It was the only fresh air all evening.

It was exactly the festival of outrageous mendacity and deliberate fomentation of fear appropriate for the level of emotional intelligence that has become the common denominator for the republican party as a whole.

Drinks for my friends.

Free at last, free at last…….

I’m not going to comment on this.

I’m not going to.

Fuck me.

I’ll keep it short.

This woman, this sociopathic hypocrite, just sucks. From what I understand, the bible she’s so conveniently and contemporaneously enchanted with, would have had her stoned to to death for transgressions committed against it long ago.

One thing I know for sure, she’s a loser and does not have the courage of her convictions.

I’m absolutely sure of it.

This is why I loathe her.

She’s just another self righteous fraud.

And that is why I can’t stand this vulgar burlesque of moral pageantry, this shameless politicization, prostration, hucksterism, pandering and cheap fucking shilling by Mike Huckabee and every other loser republican polling under five percent,  it’s just embarrassing.

I’m ashamed that our politics and attention have become so goddamn cheap as to afford this bullshit any spectacle whatsoever.

That bigotry and ignorant hatred is celebrated or merely even allowed to be displayed for our indignant despise, coast to coast in the national media, virtually wall to wall, just fills me with disgust.

Goddamn this is stupid and I intend every iteration of whatever pun you perceive there.

Count me among the idiots for even acknowledging it.

I’m guilty.

Fuck me.

Somebody help me to look away.


Kim Kardashian’s ass is more worthy.

Drinks for my friends.

American Graffiti

Immigration is not a problem in America.

It is not an issue.

It never has been.


It’s not a deficit in any way.

It’s a goddamn net positive for all of us.

It always has been.

What it is now, is what it always has been.

A deliberately organized, thoroughly pernicious distraction.

No immigrant has ever stolen a job from an American.

Teabilly fucks should be grateful for the brown folks because without them their colons would  be bound up like mummified sausages.  Their rectums would be like packed with concrete for not being able to afford roughage in their diet.  Brown people are the only reason these miscreants can afford to supplement their ramen, spaghettio and pancake diets with fiber in the form of leafy greens, vegetables and grains so they can take a decent crap in whatever they recognize as a toilet.

Build a wall.

Fuck me that’s stupid.

When was the last time a goddamn wall worked?

Lord of The Rings?

You wanna end it?  Go after the fat white business owners who exploit the slave labor.  They capitalize the profits and socialize the losses and  never miss an opportunity to propagate the xenophobic hatred.  Demonizing the poor brown folks and their wives and children is the only way to insure they get to abuse the help at restaurants, hotels and on cruises and still turn a profit.


We don’t need a northern border because they understand we’re fucking nuts and want no part of this.  Pretty soon they will need a wall.

Nevermind that Mexican immigration is at damn near net zero and the only reason anyone from south of our border ever wanted to come here is to flee the horrific conditions that American greed and lust created in their countries in the first place.

We complain they breed irresponsibly but never acknowledge that it’s because we forced religion down their necks with muskets hundreds of years ago to “civilize” them.

The tacit agreement is they can avail themselves of emergency rooms and a limited amount of other social services and our hamburgers and salads don’t cost fifty bucks a pop.

We absolutely enjoy this transaction whether we’re aware of it or not.

It’s the most disgusting thing I’ve ever observed about American culture save for the open air practice of slavery.

And here’s what flat out amazes me.  It’s the number one republican campaign issue.  Number fucking one.  Of all the issues facing us, like our survival as a species, perpetual war and America’s own very real potential for becoming a third world country, this is what the mouth breathers are screeching about.  Something like half of us are self righteously indignant enough about brown people to somehow single them out for costing us a few dollars a month for the services they provide at an insane bargain rate.

What the fuck is wrong with us?

Like any of them would risk voting or reporting a crime or trying to get food stamps or welfare.

So once again half of us are so consumed with worry about this “problem” of our own device, it’s become a single issue litmus test for every single republican candidate.


There is one racist prick jackmammering the rest of us with this message and instead of calling him on it, the republican bench struggles to say the stupidest shit they can think of hoping for a spotlight in his venue.  It’s like they all fell off a truck he was driving and can’t think of anything but to chase it.


Drinks for my friends.

The Importance of Being Lubricated

I want sauce with everything I eat.

From burritos to apples, all food is better with a sauce.

The sauce for cereal is whatever kind of milk and the sauce for salad is whatever kind of dressing.  The sauce for bagels is butter and or cream cheese etc.  The sauce for a peanut butter and jelly sandwich is the jelly and so is the peanut butter.  It’s a sauce sandwich, stupid.

And how lovely is your very own formula of the wasabi and the soy when you’re dunking the albacore and the salmon?

Fuckin’ ponzu sauce rocks because scallions and sesame oil.

Sauce is one of life’s most obvious secrets.  The lubricant of existence.  Alchemy.  Sauce is proof of evolution and the superiority of our species. There are a plethora of synonyms for the concept of sauce, like condiment, side, gravy, baste, brine, juice, glaze, drippings, Miracle Whip……… realistically anything liquid that is orally consumable meant to accompany anything solid that is orally consumable is sauce and it’s an achievement right up there with our ability to split the atom and explore other planets.

Hardly as intrinsically rewarding though.

Here’s more proof.  Considerable science and technology has been brought to bear to preserve sauces and condiments indefinitely in little pillows or packets of foil and plastic.  I have a small drawer full just in case I need some kind of sauce in an emergency or as some kind of powerful afterthought.  I never worry about using them. Flavorful and safe until after the apocalypse.  An entire door of my refrigerator devoted to nothing but liquid flavor in various jars.

Cheese is an awesome food because of the relative ease in transforming it into a sauce.  Cheese sauce is among humankind’s highest achievements.  Proof of our right to dominion.  Animals have no concept of sauce.  Butter is awesome for the same reason. Combine butter and cheese and you have Alfredo or, a relatively cold fusion the way I see it.

I’ve lapsed to such profound and despicable indulgence that I have, on occasion, experienced the glee and shame of rubbing a deliciously tangy Hollandaise in my hair. I believed it had properties beyond my imagination based purely on the fact that it tasted divine. There’s nothing quite as simultaneously disturbing and invigorating as staring at yourself in the bathroom mirror, your own head festooned with the gore of a uniquely delicious sauce intended for a perfectly poached chicken egg.

I admit, booze is the sauce for joy and despair.

Okay so,  liquids, what about gases?

Wood smoke is a gas and it’s a goddamn bona fide sauce.

I’ll think of another example in a minute.

I argue that seasonings like salt and pepper for example, are sauce.  Oregano, dill, cayenne, coriander, lemon zest, cinnamon………see?


So there we have it.

All three states of matter.

Just the other day I made a sauce that raised high the roof beams.  I started off with a deep sorta sauce pan with way too much really good olive oil on medium heat.  Half a garlic bulb, a whole large red onion and a whole shallot, all chopped coarse.  Added the onions first, the shallots second and the garlic last.  Cooked it until the onion is translucent  and before anything gets brown at all.  Add a couple generous glugs of a decent dry white and turn the burner way up so it can boil off for just a minute or so.

Then came the aggregate of my prep.  Eight medium vine ripened tomatoes, diced.  About a pint total of a couple varieties of chopped green, black and Kalamata olives along with big chunks of slippery roasted garlic.  Bold amounts of colorful ground peppercorns, lemon pepper and oregano in powder form.  The juice and zest of one whole lemon.

It was just like the Food Network I swear.

Then I exercised patience.

It needed to cook down for a spell.

An hour here and there with me tasting and doctoring.

A little smoked  sea salt once in a while as it reduced.

Got the farfalla boiling (24 oz.) and began grating and adding handfulls of parmesan, asiago and this hard, aged jack I found to the saucepan.  When executed correctly, the oily, chunky textured concoction behaves like a friendly emulsifier and it all evolves into a gooey, pizza flavored amalgam in no time.

Dumped the pasta in a mesh strainer and poured about half the sauce in the bottom of the giant pasta pot.  Poured the butterfly in and it clicked and smacked while it tumbled and then dumped the rest of the sauce on top and stirred it like a bastard with a giant black plastic spoon.

The sound was like a churning of wax teeth but the aroma was fabulous.

I left the three cheeses out with the grater.

Awesome sauce.

Drinks for my friends.

Dancing With The Devil

I’ve got a bit of a library. I read a lot of books. There’s always one in my briefcase. I try to put a book by the toilet I’ve already read and liked for any number of reasons so I can be reacquainted with whatever I thought was important about it.

A few days ago ago I put “Stupid White Men” by Michael Moore beside the throne and I’ve been struck by a few things.  He’s actually a good writer. He’s pretty funny and every thing he talks about from fifteen years ago is discouragingly worse today.  It’s spooky prescient.  No wonder he’s so disgusted these days.

Just today I read that Dick Cheney’s Haliburton is suing the very Iraq war veterans they poisoned. Somebody please explain to me how this real life Darth Vader fuck has not been carried from his lair and roasted on a spit jammed up his ass and out his mouth live on television.

I started this blog over seven years ago with one idea, most people aren’t stupid, they just don’t pay attention.  I’m not sure I own that anymore.

Here’s what happened.  Before Obama ever announced for ’08, he knew exactly what the transaction was.  In exchange for however much he could accomplish, he knew he’d be making a deal at the crossroads at some point. He’s done just that.  He hosts the evil while he does what he can. I believe that’s who he is now.  I’m pretty cynical so that’s how I see it.

Part of what happened to the inspired left is their naivete.  They never factored Satan into it.  I don’t actually believe in Satan but you know what I’m saying.  A lot of us on the left are kittens.  We find ourselves asking if drones and a bullshit trade deal are worth marriage equality and a far from perfect health care mandate.  If allowing big banks to consolidate even more power than before is a fair trade for for his populist rhetoric and a deficit cut in half. We wonder very hard.  And we weep.

The answer is maybe.

Two steps forward and one step back may be worth it merely because we’re  more fucked without it?

So we applaud and celebrate.

Therein lies our mistake.

We take what we are given and lament it all once the deal is done.

It really is our fault.

This is life in the fast lane.  This is America.  Everything is incremental except rage and lust for power and money.  Those things are exponential. Otherwise, it happens one step at a time.  Because most of us are fools we allow for it.  We are flawed.  We will not do the right thing this cycle.  We will not and we will sit around again and wonder what happened.

It will be obvious.

We will have elected a Clinton or a Bush.

We’ll take to the streets again in small numbers and demand change.

The world will marvel at our stupidity.


Any liberal who complains we didn’t have a choice this time or were faced again with the lesser of two evils is full of shit.

The entire republican bench is astoundingly hollow.

There really is no there, there.

There is nothing to lose.

They are all complete fuckups.

Donald Trump says what they all think and he’s scaring the shit out of them.  He’s leading the polls by double digits.  He’s not going to last but he’s swinging for the fences.  He is a singular and insular instrument of arrogance and stupidity laying bare the arrogance and stupidity of almost half of us.

As of today, Hillary Clinton refuses to stake a claim on the Keystone pipeline or the TPP.  These issues are settled among progressives.  She’s swinging the lumber of plutocrats and Wall Street.

I usually swing for the fences and I’ve enjoyed some pretty rewarding successes because of it.  I’ve also had my ass cheese grated in a painful and regrettable fashion for the same reason.  I always swing for the fences when there’s nothing to lose.  Always.  As of today there are seventeen republican contenders and three or four democratic ones.

We have nothing to lose by supporting the one democratic candidate that has never bullshitted us.

Not once.


Bernie Sanders says what we all think and he’s scaring the shit out of them.  He has no problem speaking against the pipeline or the trade deal.  His whole platform is every single issue that was not discussed in the first republican debate.  He is now and always has talked about them.  He’s not lying about any of them and he’s not avoiding any them.

Bernie Sanders is swinging for the fences.

He has nothing to lose.

Drinks for my friends.

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