Archive for May, 2007

So, it’s Memorial Day.

Happy Memorial Day.

What’s that supposed to mean?

No matter which side of the the current conflict you’re on, how could anyone possibly be happy about it?

Today we’re supposed to reflect on and be grateful for those who have served and survived as well as those who have fallen. I am. I am grateful. It is a sacrifice that I cannot imagine.

I remember my uncle Danny. He came to stay with us after serving in Vietnam and an honorable discharge from the army. I was five or six. He was quiet but happy to be home. We slept in the same room and the dial of his radium painted watch glowed perpetually in the dark. He had a bullet scar on his shoulder. He was the youngest of my mother’s ten siblings.

A number of my uncles were in the military and even a few cousins. My father’s brother fought, my father was declared 4F. Besides my father’s brother Eldon, who fought in WWII and whom I didn’t really know, uncle Danny was the only one in my extended family to see combat.

Funny how they both ended up abusing alcohol.

As far as I know, he’s uttered aproximately two sentences about it in forty years. I was present for one of those sentences last summer at a family renunion. I was drunk and so was he, I don’t remember what he said.

I then got drunker with cousins Angie, Todd, Rob, shithead Rod, Derrick my coolest inlaw cousin and his wife Marlow………….it goes on and on. Tyke and Bobby, Fred and Sharon, John and Jody, Birdy and Ken, Jim and Carlene, Uncle Larry and Und uncle Skip (Skid), Shirley and Bob…………….It was a big ass collection of at least half crazy white people in the woods of eastern Washington State. You would not have wanted to stumble into that camp after dark if you were a stranger. Most of the Hardings keep a gun close by and so do most of the inlaws. I digress.

Uncle Danny is the sum of my experience with a combat veteran. Like I said, he hasn’t had much to say.

So I’ve got no legitimate personal stake in this. But it really chaps my ass. It’s wrong. Everyone is starting to realize it. Finally.

Once you buy that it’s a lie, and that’s a crucial step because it is, there’s really not much left other than the loss of life.

The emperor is naked and really disgusting to look at. He and his administration are why everyone is dying and having their limbs blown off and brains spilling out of their fucking heads.

The world used to love us because of our global exploits in the name of “Freedom”. Now, they hate us.

Newsflash you asshats: They don’t hate us because of Rosie O’donnell, they hate us because of Dick-in-Bush. And so do I.

Just yesterday I heard some fucktard on the radio trying to make a case for Rosie not supporting the troops and equating them to terrorists. This empty, jingoistic, rhetorical whaleshit is beginning to fossilize.

In other words, that dog don’t hunt. That brush don’t hold no paint. I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say that if you disagree with the previous two sentiments, you’re either stupid or ignorant. Perhaps willfully ignorant, a fate worse than passing a stone.

It’s all over but the dying. How long that goes on is up to our elected and our ability to sneak smoldering coals into their anal clefts.

Nearly thirty thousand Americans wounded and approaching thirty five hundred dead. Estimates of Iraqi dead are well north of a half million. Nothing accomplished and for no fucking reason. In fact, not only nothing accomplished but an actual deficit in that regard.

This is really stupid and so are we. I agree with Sean Penn. They should all be in fucking jail for what they have done.

Drinks for my friends. Happy holiday.

Disclaimer: Although what I’m about to pontificate at
length upon is purposefully incendiary and willfully
derogatory, to say that democrats are bad is to
presuppose republicans are not only worse, but far
more obtuse and cowardly.

Anyway.

I’m fucking sick of spineless democrats.
When high noon spanks the day, they wring their hands
and flee with nervous puke leaking and spraying from
their lips.

Yesterday, a war funding bill was passed by our
legislative branch and it was absent any mention of a
timetable. Not even a hint or a sigh about when we
may consider an end to this madness.

I expected that.

What has my panties in a bundle, not to mention a
cluster of cacti in my anal cleft, is the fact that
the vote in the House was 86 to 194 and the vote in
the Senate was 14 to 80.

The ’06 elections were a clear clarion for sea change.
The callow and confused freshmen of the jackass party
were afforded the priviledge of office for various
reasons, the most of which was an implied promise to
put an end to this mendacity propelled violence and to
at least try to steer us from the impending global
clusterfuck.

Here’s a few more numbers for ya:
Bush 28%
Cheney 9%
Support for the war 29%
Support for withdrawl 60+%

Allow me to cut to the chase in case you’re slow. At
the end of yesterday, the legislative math was nearly
the polar opposite of the will of the people. What
planet are these assholes on and who the fuck do they
imagine themselves to be?

Yes, planes hit the towers. No, they didn’t knock
them down.

George Bush doesn’t hate black people. Unless they’re
poor.

Karl Rove and Dick Cheney are far more evil than
stupid. Unfortunately, that’s a mouthful that will
leave you gagging and heaving.

While Dick-in-Bush usurp control of the judicial
branch, our newly elected legislative branch throws a
clot and collapses into a malingering puddle of liquid
shit.

The truth is this. People are dying in ever
accelerating numbers for what is certainly one of the
greatest lies ever told. Finally, Americans are
forced to see this woman for what she is; a pink eyed, snot snouted, sticky, filth festooned, garishly made up pig in tattered fishnets and fuck me pumps that it cannot even cross a room in.

Yep, if it wasn’t so profoundly goddam tragic it would be sick
fucking funny.

10 democrats voted nay in the Senate and 140 in the
House. All the rest voted in a state of fear, avarice
and stupidity.

Drinks for my friends.

We now know that the Attorney General of the United States of America is a goddamn liar. Last week, James Comey detailed a mad dash he made to beat Gonzales and Andrew Card to one seriously ill John Ashcroft’s bedside to give him the heads up.

See, Comey was the acting AG at the time and he beat the Whitehouse Chief of Staff and the Whitehouse Counsel to the hospital. Ashcroft and Comey agreed that Dick-in-Bush were indeed breaking the law, they had been for two and a half years.

Then the Frothing Blackhats entered stage right. They commenced to vociferously and with elaborate indignity demand a reversal of the Judicial check to the Executive imbalance

Ashcroft and Comey were in agreement and they told the Blackhats to piss up a fucking rope.

Ha! Ashcroft, that crazy wierd little bastard has principles. Who knew?

Oh and, Comey had Robert Mueller with him. Mueller was the director of the FBI and he was a bit of a right wing jackass. He was there to insure that Comey not be removed. The Head Cheese of The Effa-Bee-Eye had sided with Ashcroft and Comey against the Whitehouse.

***********************************************************************

Ladies and Gentlemen:

There has been a slight emergency, a very minor constitutional crisis if you will. We just need to insure that there are no more hard right, rich neoconservatives left in the theater.

Ok, good. They’re all gone.

The lights stop flashing. The alarms go silent.

Enjoy the film.

The venue dims and we see Barbara Streisand working in an abortion clinic.

The theater fills with smoke and then flame. The liberals wail like children. Like little girls.

We now return you to our regularly…………..

************************************************************************

The date that law required the document to be endorsed passed. The Whitehouse informed the Department of Justice that it was going ahead with it’s now officially illegal domestic spying program.

See, the Blackhat Gang are headed up by Pa Cheney and Ma Rove and there’s not a mad fuck between them when it comes to what Americans need, what’s best for us or what our WILL is. They just don’t care.

What happened next was inspiringly crazy. With balls the size of casabas wrought from an alloy so pure as to allow each pair to clang in key, our heroes walked in stride and formed a chord.

Ashcroft, Mueller, Comey and various members of their respective staffs made it clear that they were willing to shoot it out with the Blackhat Gang. They did so by threatening to resign and therefore, talk about why they walked.

Are our cowboys heroes? Nope. They’d all been fitted for and owned at least one very Black hat. They were members of the Gang. What they did was turn ‘Yella’.

Should we be grateful?

You fuckin-A we should.

And that lying Prick Gonzales, said there was no internecine conflict or debate even, over an issue that is certainly among the most important in our history. He is dissonant. Tone deaf.

All of the Blackhats are deaf or damn near. That’s why they talk so loud.

Drinks for my friends.

The world’s preeminent hypocrite has taken the dirt
nap. Jerry Falwell was the epitome of everything that
is evil about organized religion.

Now he’s goddamn dead and not a microsecond too soon.
Hang on kids, this is going to be an angry piece,
and I intend to enjoy it. With all sincerity and
vigor I say fuck that piece of shit.

Forgive me or not, but this dirtbag crossed too many
lines. He sucked.

This man had the sociopathic narcistic temerity to
posit that the purple teletubby was homosexual for
carrying a purse and that gays and lesbians et al.
were the reason that three thousand people died on
September 11, 2001. I wonder if he knew that his very
own government, the same one foisted on the rest of us
by his christian fundamentalist right, was complicit
in the events of that day.

And, the events of this day.

A knave masquerading as a charlatan who devoted his
life to encouraging people with as mere a thing as a
different opinion to as all important a thing as an
inherent and genetic prediposition of gender
preference, to feel less than he and his followers.
Lots less, like burning for eternity kinda less. Like suicide kinda less. He
fomented hate and fear and bathed unapoligetically in
the filthy lucre his vitriol generated.

His worst trangression remains his calculated
vivisectional offensive into American politics. He
succeeded rather spectacularly at legislating his own
brand of morality under Reagan. It began with the usurping of that toad
Jim Baker.

Jimmy Carter, a polite man of devout faith, a man
who’s emerged as a Nobel Peace Prize winning
humanitarian and philosopher, told this prick Falwell
to go to hell.

I hope he choked or something. Really, nothing
peaceful, like passing in his slumber. See, by the
time he was finished, until the day he died, if you
were a politician, you just might be fucked without
him. And whatever you do, don’t piss him off. Present
tense intended. This ghost will haunt us.

And to all his followers; this is the best you could
do? This is your spokesman? Your man of god? This
self righteous, judgemental harlequin? You people are
ignorant, pious, frightened fools.

If the concept of justice remains exempt from archaic,
I anticipate Mr. Falwell to be waking up any minute in
his worst nightmare of hell with a mouth full of shit.

Hope I pissed somebody off.

Drinks for my friends.

A rambling response to my friends blog. PhatShady

Careful with the opiates my friend.

It is a fascinating post. If prostitution is the world’s oldest profession then perhaps slavery, in one form or another, is mankind’s oldest way of life.

Without question, America would not be the economic and military powerhouse it is today, even in it’s current wobbly state, without the broken backs of just about every color.

Look at what we did to Native Americans.

The Irish an the Italians suffered under some pretty brutal discrimination in the 19th century in America. The Irish for example, were simply here to escape poverty and a famine in their own country.

They got drunk. They were unemployed. Bastard children. The rest of America loathed them.

Long story short, forgive my brevity here, light skinned immigrants have gradually but steadily been able to integrate into American society and culture. If your skin is a different color, or your features are demonstrably different from the anglo saxon/protestant, you know, norm? Here in the melting pot? Well, the whole thing moves way slower. As we speak, it’s still a century behind in some ways and spectacularly so in some places.

I think it’s kinda funny and absurd that idiot Romney has the temerity to call Reverend Al a bigot. Boy, that was dumb. And yeah, I think Al was going after mormons. To be completely honest with you, I enjoyed it. I give him a pass. The church of latter day saints has, at least in recent history, been racist by way of DOCTRINE.

So I say, fuck ’em.

I’ve finally found something that Christopher Hitchins and I can agree on, limey arrogant prick that he is. Religion is toxic. Does more harm than good. Al’s a pentecostal minister. In my mind, much less wierd than the sacred underwear wearers.

And I like Al. I have nothing but disdain for guys like Willard Mitt Romney and Ralph Reed. Methinks they are racist pricks. And insincere. Who names their kid Willard Mitt? Sheezus.

Al’s speech at the Democratic convention in ’04 was a motherfuckin house afire. His great grandfather was owned by the Family of Strom Thurmond. I like Al.

Sorry Phat, got a little carried away.

So anyway. Baseball has been taken over by Latins and South Americans. I got no problem with that. Except the rich white infrastructure. Dumbya had a piece of the Texas Rangers ya know.

Sorry again……………..

Now we have this debate after Michael Richards emerged as an obvious asshole and Imus did the jackass reveal for the hundreth time. What took them so long? Guys like Sharpton and Geoffrey Canada (prez & Ceo of Harlem Children’s Zone) are piling on like nobody’s business.

Ten years ago Sharpton was all about no censorship, particularly in hip hop. Now I like The Reverend Al, I’m not always sure why, but I do. Always thought he was a bit of loon, sometimes a goddamn cartoon, but sincere.

By the way, where’s Jesse?

And I think it’s entirely possible that the hip hop/rap musical genre and the culture surrounding it has visited more ignorance than enlightenment on the black community. In fact, I think it’s probable.

Having said that, I remember when Tipper Gore went after everyone from Dee Snider to Frank Zappa. Ozzy Ozbourne and Judas Priest were being sued in civil court over lyrical content and potential culpability in teenage suicide.

And I fucking knew how ridiculous that was.

I am the epitome of the bleeding heart liberal and Mr. First Amendment. Censorship is my personal satan. I understand that this inherent right affords us the ability to say what we wish while simultaneously exposing us to ideas and thoughts, speech, that will offend our sensibilities to the core. There is no free lunch.

If you’ve followed me down the road this far, maybe you see the same bridge I do. It spans the fire in a crowded theatre/inciting violence chasm. It’s always been in disrepair. No more so than now and for a myriad of reasons beyond this issue.

Should all urban music be subject to censorship?

The answer is not whether or not, but if so, by whom?

The government? That’s an emphatic no for me. Morality cannot be legislated, not merely because it slides so dramatically back and forth. It’s like trying to define normal, it changes every few weeks. It’s just not a task appropriate for any body politic.

I suspect change may be needed here, but it’s up to the community that is both responsible for the damage wrought and suffers the most as a result.

The only viable and legitimate solution must come from inside the people most affected. Those with the most to gain and to lose.

Drinks for my friends.

I’m kinda aggravated. But I don’t have much. To say,
that is. Well, that’s not true.

I mean, Oprah’s getting hotter. She really is. If
you see her, tell her I said that. Tell her I like
her hair.

Dick-in-Bush swung the veto at the damp end of a
shriveled phallus today. With a retarded, clenched
orifice resolve, they smote the will of the people, as
well as the legislative arm of the republic.

Struck down, was the rather popular notion that we get
the fuck out of Iraq, because it was a mistake to
begin with and because most of us (not me), bought the
lie.

Let he who hath understanding, reckon the number of
the beast. For it is a human number. It’s number is
28%.

These guys are starting to really look like clowns.
Tenet is on 60 Minutes the other night saying it
wasn’t his fault and they all knew it was bullshit.
We already know that to be true. What’s kinda funny
is, the very next day a herd of underlings come
forward to tell us that Tenet has as much blood on his
hands as everyone else.

Don’t forget, this asswipe got the highest honor a
civilian citizen can recieve. Dumbya himself awarded
Tenet, Franks and Bremer The Presidential Medal of
Freedom at the same time, on the same stage.

The Keystone Cops of Operation Iraqi Freedom. The
Musketeers most responsible.

So much for the military. So much for the executive
and legislative branch.

Judicial branch? I don’t fucking know. Gonzalez is a
douchebag though. Dumbya has even more confidence in
him now that he was able to utter some version of “I
don’t know” over seventy times under oath and on TV
with a straight face.

See, Dumbya’s thinking, “I could do that. If that’s
all I ever had to say, you bet, I could do that”.

Meanwhile, Cheney hasn’t crapped in weeks. Poor
bastard has nothing but full, unopened cans of vienna
sausages in his colon and he just can’t seem to pass
even one. Sooner or later they will emerge as flawed
diamonds or he’s gonna explode like a caged calf on a
liquid diet intended for veal.

I’m actually waiting for the whole thing to blow wide
open. We’re close. It will be preceded by civil
unrest. Americans are stupid but this is ridiculous.
When the going gets wierd, the wierd turn pro. R.I.P.
HST.

I’m going on record here. I’m predicting the demise
of this administration before the next election. The
house of cards will fall. It will implode.

Drinks for my friends.