Archive for September, 2007

Allow me to come at you correct, Ahmadinejad is not the most savory character on the world stage these days. He is in fact, a punk ass bitch. He’s a micro-penis in the power structure of his own country. He holds no currency. And, he’s a dipshit. He says they don’t have gays in his country, despite the fact than one can be executed for it.

Oh, and he questions the Holocaust.

However, he’s on the world stage and he regularly commands a spotlight. His influence over Sunnis in the Arab world is powerful, yet callow. He is extraordinarily well educated, accomplished and probably very smart.

He knows what he’s doing.

The stupid among you will be smug in your estimation that a savage dared to visit our shores and summarily had his ass handed to him.

He already knows what you think and you just spent three days with his hand up your ass. That, is why he came.

By the way, you guys did great. Your jingoistic outraged hubris was spot on. When the president of Columbia university lacks the basic courage to respond to Ahmadinejad’s remarks after the fact, as opposed to engaging in sophomoric rhetoric and insults before he utters a single word, it’s obvious there’s still a majority in this country that can’t get enough Kool Aid.

While America stands with hands on hips and thinks that we showed that bastard, and who the fuck did he think he was anyway, the rest of the world bowed it’s head and shook it.

More than a few covered their eyes.

“A man walks down the street
He says why am I short of attention
Got a short little span of attention
And woe my nights are so long
Where’s my wife and family
What if I die here
Who’ll be my role model
Now that my role model is
Gone gone
He ducked back down the alley
With some roly-poly little bat-faced girl
All along along
There were incidents and accidents
There were hints and allegations” – Paul Simon

Soon we will have been in Iraq for FIVE YEARS. Already longer than the big one.

Every aspect of this clusterfuck has played underneath and just behind the proscenium of a short attention span theater. Dumbsfeld said weeks, maybe months. All these years and it’s still unmitigated chaos. And it’s costing in excess of 700 million dollars a day.

A brief caveat: Today Dumbya vowed to veto a bill that would increase health care for uninsured children.

You have got to be fucking kidding me.

Now, imagine if you will, that this same scenario was taking place in Canada. Would we be selling them arms? No. We would be giving them away. Or maybe selling them to both sides because we’re dirty, filthy, greedy pigs.

You can bet your ass we’d be involved. Neck deep. So Ahmadinejad gets torn apart for wading into the power vacuum that we left behind out of myopic stupidity right next door to his house.

Is our attention span so short that we’ve forgotten that we made this goddamn mess? We made this mess with a country that didn’t have dick to do with the original mess. Mess O’ Patamia.

The only hope of stabilizing the region at all is to initiate a dialog with Ahmadinejad’s bosses. Quit kicking the little bastard and take his country seriously.

I was really looking forward to the interview with Christiane Amanpour on CNN. After 60 Minutes and the debacle at Columbia I was anticipating a more level, if still American, stage.

It didn’t happen. Ahmadinejad had already accomplished what he came here to do. In spades. He didn’t come here to talk to us. He came here to talk to the rest of the world in front of us and despite us.

Predictably and infuriatingly, we played the straight man. Well done, assholes. I predict you’ll be sorry.

Drinks for my friends.

FURTHER READING:

I need to point some shit out.

Tempted by the fruit of another

So, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, the president of Iran took the podium at Columbia University today.

Before he takes the mic, he’s pretty much savaged by the dickhead in charge. Didn’t they invite him? He’d already had his ass handed to him by 60 Minutes.

And then well, he stood up and said some really ridiculous shit and they laughed at him. He has some serious sack, this pious fuck, but he’s still a bit of a douchebag.

This pissing match between him and Dumbya is a little like a bare knuckle fist fight between a pair of geriatric invalids. It’s kinda funny. I picture them naked except for huge saggy diapers.

Yep, silly, pointless and a little tragic. Neither one holds all the cards, and neither one wields the power of their respective regimes. Punch and Judy.

People in either country think they’re both assholes.

Lest we forget, Ahmadinejad is next door to the worlds biggest conflagration/power vacuum. He may be stupid but he plays because he’s living on the slope of an active, lava filled, geopolitical zit.

Don’t blame him for attempting to influence the flow of puss from the boil America picked at.

He’s here, but so far he’s talking to and playing for, his own people. Meanwhile, we don’t talk to very many besides our own either. We sure as hell don’t talk to Iran.

What if we did?

What if we tried being friends instead of arrogant red neck war mongering ignorant pricks? See, right or wrong that’s the path that they have been led down. That is what they think.

Bear in mind that Iran is fairly progressive society in the context of that region. And although it’s people regard some of our policies as idiotic, let’s face it some are, they don’t hate Americans.

Not yet anyway. Dick-in-Bush are doing their damndest to squander that goodwill.

“Comb your hair and paint and powder you act proud and I’ll act prouder
You sing loud and I’ll sing louder tonight we’re settin’ the woods on fire
You’re my gal and I’m your feller dress up in my frock and yeller
I’ll look swell but you’ll look sweller settin’ the woods on fire………..”
-Hank Williams

It’s absurd. Still, I’m a little giddy over the anticipated catfight tomorrow at the UN. Perhaps Douchebag and Dumbya will compare dicks and we can all move on.

I don’t intend to paint this embroglio as anything but really goddamn serious, because if we initiate hostilities with Iran we really are ‘arrogant red neck war mongering ignorant pricks’.

Allow me to be clear:

Attacking Iran, while we’re losing two other wars in the region, at the same time Iran exerts far more influence in the way bigger of the two conflicts than we do, is an unbelievably stupid idea.

See, despite the fact that our ground forces are a blister about to burst, there is an assload of 21st century firepower parked in the gulf right at the end of Iran’s front sidewalk.

The Navy is all fresh and ready to fuck something up. And they will. The first part will be over in a few weeks, just like both forays into Iraq.

And then, best case scenario is an even more pissed off and far larger nest of wasps who can’t wait to kill Americans any way they can.

Worst case scenario is complete chaos. Lotsa nukes over there kids.

That’s ok with Dumbya and Douchebag. They both get a little moisture over the apocolypse.

It’s gonna be great. The nighttime footage will be spectacular.

Drinks for my friends.

60 Minutes tonight delivered a message to the President of Iran on behalf of Dumbya “You’ve made terrible choices for your people, you’ve isolated your nation, you’ve taken a nation of proud and honorable people and made your country the pariah of the world”.

This guy, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, is a jackass. But is he any more of a jackass than our own president?

The Iranian president’s response should have been that he could say exactly the same of President Bush.

Certainly, as recent polls attest, Western Europe now believes that Dick-in-Bush and therefore America, are THE greatest threat to security and peace in the world today.

I pointed it out just a few days ago and tonight 60 Minutes put it out there. Russia is back and they don’t give a mad fuck about democracy.

Yeah, so the Fed cut interest rates. Band aid. Don’t forget that move simultaneously devalues the dollar; you know, the currency rapidly on it’s way to being worth the same as a peso?

Watch commodities like gold and oil. Can you say ‘recession’?

It’s kinda weird, but the Lyndon LaRouche people call me every few weeks. They called Friday night and they tell me the states are panicking over the subprime meltdown. Meanwhile it’s already on our backburner. The stockmarket bounced back didn’t it?

Oh, and China is propping us up while getting ready to strangle us for resources.

Then there’s the two wars we’re losing at $700 million a day and the one we’re lusting after in that country just to the right of the one we’re a sucking chest wound in this very evening.

You all know how we got here, but where do we go from here?

I don’t really know either. I just wanted to interrupt your Sunday evening repose with a reminder. Kucinich is my man but he stands the same chance as a fart in a whirlwind. Hillary will be a kinder gentler new boss but same as the old boss.

As much as I hate to say it, I think hope still has a home in the legislative branch. As the train speeds along the tracks this evening, she’s pointed to a Democratic executive, most likely the wife of William Jefferson Clinton.

Now, the Democrats are notorious dipshits, and they could screw this up, fail to heed an order to stop the silver bullet for a bus full of neoconservative, fundamentalist, evangelical born again christian fetuses with various disabilities, freshly aborted, for example. And the spectacular collision footage with fire and oversized heads flying everywhere will be played ad nauseum by mainstream media with even more graphic footage on the internet.

If that happens, no one will pay attention to eyewitness accounts that Sekletor Guiliani was seen at the crossing holding a mysterious handheld clumsy black box with a giant antennae while wearing his standard rictus grin.

I’m starting to wonder if the only answer is to support an even further sea change in the legislative branch. I’m getting tired of hearing Biden and friends pissing & moaning about not enough votes as an excuse for not taking off the gloves and getting down in the goddamn mud. Hey Joe, you want more of your own next November? Start swinging now. You and Reid. He used to box you know. By the way, you won’t be getting the nomination.

I don’t care about religious denomination; whether Democrat or Republican matters less each day. All I want to know is if you’re rational, truthfull and truly patriotic. Patriotic as in, let’s call an end to this failed avaricious exercise, spending lives and money we don’t have and bring these unfortunate kids home.

Then, I don’t know, explore the diplomatic tip with the same brand of conviction?

It sounds kinda weak, I know. But it would be pretty handy to be able to say to Congress, “Shut the fuck up. Do what we tell you, you’re out of excuses”.

Face it, no matter what happens, our arsonists laureate are determined to bequeath a clusterfuck. This, is the only certain thing. So, the the time to figure out what to do with said clusterfuck is today.

My suggestion is to start looking hard at your elected representatives. Starting today.

Drinks for my friends.

Didn’t the white hats win big in ’06? Wasn’t there winds of change, maybe not blowing, but wafting? There was an anticipated shift in the breeze away from the inferno. Right?

Here we are and I can’t believe it. All fucking OJ
all the time. So a sociopathic scumbag might actually
go to jail. Good. Beyond that, I couldn’t care less.
Last week it was Paris Hilton and the week before it
was Ms. Lohan sucking paste in a toney rehab bathroom.
I may have the timeline wrong but honestly, who gives
a mad fuck?

Yesterday our very own Senate was unable to restore
the nearly nearly one thousand year old institution of
Habeas Corpus, “The Great Writ”. The Republicans
didn’t even have to fillibuster, they merely threatened to. Not enough votes for cloture, thanks in part to Benedict Joe Lieberman, so the invertebrate Democrats went to lunch.

Shouldn’t they have at least forced the Reps to read aloud
from Mein Kampf or The Enquirer on the Senate floor?
For fuck’s sake we’re talking about the Constitution here.

Today the Unites States Senate, the most powerful
legislative body in the world, took it upon itself to
admonish Moveon.org for an ad that “impugns the honor
and integrity of … all the members of the United
States Armed Force”. What kind of chickenshit move is
that?

The confederacy of callow dipshits took the time to
pass a resolution with the same bullshit hollow
rhetoric spat at everyone who has objected to this
insane war since it began. The very best they can do
is miss the point entirely. One of the reasons we
take exception to this clusterfuck is because it’s
killing our troops for no goddamn reason you idiots!

Also yesterday: “Senate Republicans yesterday rejected a bipartisan proposal to lengthen the home leaves of U.S. troops fighting in Iraq and Afghanistan, derailing a measure that war opponents viewed as one of the best chances to force President Bush to accelerate a redeployment of forces.” -The Washington Post

Our esteemed Senators have their heads so far up their
asses, their bowels don’t know which way to move.

Yet, in the last two nights I glimpsed none of this on
the news, save OJ’s latest fifteen minutes, of course.

You have got be fucking kidding me.

The future’s so bright, I gotta wear shades.

It’s not just your fault America, although you are culpable. Even if you’re one of those being gagged by the media with shit you’d rather not swallow, you’re still complicit.

How do I know? One word. Ratings.

Turn it off. Read. Ask questions.

Stop being a common patsy.

Drinks for my friends.

September 19, 2007
Today Obama proposed a tax cut and that’s a spectacularly dumb idea.
In all fairness, he did propose some much needed reforms as well as shifts in policy and ideology. He did speak to the widening income gap and therefore, simultaneous atrophy of the middle class and concentration of wealth in America right goddamn now.
But, we’ve got a whole fucking city down south that is now merely a study in compassionless governmental inept broke ass dipshitedness.
And this war is not only shamefully stupid but very expensive. Russia fell because they ran out of money. Russia crawled away from Afghanistan because the coffers were about echo, long since about ring. A radioactive water supply, shit loads of nukes and nuke fuel unaccounted for……………and Putin overtly tightens his grip.
He pretty much fired everybody and took his ball home this week.
By the way, Russia is back.
And this time we’re broke.
Then we have the housing bust, it looked to me more like a soft skull implosion, and the inevitable subprime conflagration. Greenspan maintains he missed that one. I doubt that.
Then there’s the extraordinarily ominous notion that China owns a massive chunk of our asses.
Tax cuts are a really bad idea. Simply because the best we could hope for, were Barack to prevail, is a symbolic cut in taxes to the poor and middle class and no reform at all.
Well, and because it’s a really stupid idea from every other angle as well. The Republicans tried the tax cut tango and by virtue of smoke and mirrors, murder and lasers, fucked every one but the rich.
What we need, is those proposed reforms and re-prioritizing. Repeal the Dick-in-Bush fuckery and close the damn loopholes. You know, the ones that make it free to do business offshore?
We really need to pull an assload of troops out of Iraq as our very first DIPLOMATIC move. While we’re doing that we need to start making some goddamn friends in the neighborhood for once.
We don’t need no fucking tax cuts Mr. Obama. Your move may be a shallow populist grab for the great unwashed because your fellow Donkey/steeds are bustin a nut over healthcare, while you and Hills are on the big pharma tit like no other whorse on the grounds.
Or you may be sincere. I don’t care. Bad form. Gamesmanship: Zero.
I’m simply using you as example Mr. Obama, an example of underestimating what we want and what we know is needed. We have whales to fry. Now is no time to make decreasing revenue an empty priority.
I don’t dislike you, so I’m hoping you do better.
By the way, Stewart and Greenspan tonight was a Frazetta painting of two genuine big brained geeks riffing. It rocked my taint.
Drinks for my friends.

Today Obama proposed a tax cut and that’s a spectacularly dumb idea.
In all fairness, he did propose some much needed reforms as well as shifts in policy and ideology. He did speak to the widening income gap and therefore, simultaneous atrophy of the middle class and concentration of wealth in America right goddamn now.
But, we’ve got a whole fucking city down south that is now merely a study in compassionless governmental inept broke ass dipshitedness.
And this war is not only shamefully stupid but very expensive. Russia fell because they ran out of money. Russia crawled away from Afghanistan because the coffers were about echo, long since about ring. A radioactive water supply, shit loads of nukes and nuke fuel unaccounted for……………and Putin overtly tightens his grip.
He pretty much fired everybody and took his ball home this week.
By the way, Russia is back.
And this time we’re broke.
Then we have the housing bust, it looked to me more like a soft skull implosion, and the inevitable subprime conflagration. Greenspan maintains he missed that one. I doubt that.
Then there’s the extraordinarily ominous notion that China owns a massive chunk of our asses.
Tax cuts are a really bad idea. Simply because the best we could hope for, were Barack to prevail, is a symbolic cut in taxes to the poor and middle class and no reform at all.
Well, and because it’s a really stupid idea from every other angle as well. The Republicans tried the tax cut tango and by virtue of smoke and mirrors, murder and lasers, fucked every one but the rich.
What we need, is those proposed reforms and re-prioritizing. Repeal the Dick-in-Bush fuckery and close the damn loopholes. You know, the ones that make it free to do business offshore?
We really need to pull an assload of troops out of Iraq as our very first DIPLOMATIC move. While we’re doing that we need to start making some goddamn friends in the neighborhood for once.
We don’t need no fucking tax cuts Mr. Obama. Your move may be a shallow populist grab for the great unwashed because your fellow Donkey/steeds are bustin a nut over healthcare, while you and Hills are on the big pharma tit like no other whorse on the grounds.
Or you may be sincere. I don’t care. Bad form. Gamesmanship: Zero.
I’m simply using you as example Mr. Obama, an example of underestimating what we want and what we know is needed. We have whales to fry. Now is no time to make decreasing revenue an empty priority.
I don’t dislike you, so I’m hoping you do better.
By the way, Stewart and Greenspan tonight was a Frazetta painting of two genuine big brained geeks riffing. It rocked my taint.
Drinks for my friends.

“And I saw, and behold, a pale horse: and he that sat upon him, his name was Death; and Hades followed with him………..”

Hey Chelsea, it won’t be Osama, Obama or your momma!

We’re fucked nine ways to Sunday. From hell to
breakfast.

Diseased, canker ridden rats scattering like there’s gunfire. Gonzales,
Rove, Powell, Rumsfeld, Bolton. Libby, Wolfowitz, Mike Brown, and last but not least, the three pigtardians, Franks, Tenet & Bremer.

Last three, recipients of the Presidential Medal of
Freedom. I’m guessing for being shameless at ass
licking and salad tossing at the Dick-in-Bush used car
lot.

Every once in a while I’m forced to wonder if it’s
merely stupid men for stupid times.

The answer is yes.

I really fucking hate these bastards.

Dumbya flashes across screens lastnight looking beat to
roadkill and still he foists the most ridiculous dishonest shit upon us. This smoked and spent human turd is our President. Dumb as a stump and really uncomfortable without a hand up his ass.

Then everyone piles on and does the best they can to
take our dipshit laureate seriously. Analyze and comment on the substance of his message. High fucking comedy.

Here’s an idea kids; Let Iran, Syria and the dirty
medieval Saudis help.

Why not? Stability is in their best interest. The
Saudis are pricks, but they have lots of money and
really hate the idea of a rogue nation right next door.

The Iranian people wouldn’t mind being us. It’s by
far the most progressive country in the region. They
make Saudi culture look like fucking Hee Haw with
televised executions.

This is goddamn ridiculous. Our bumbling inetptitude
resulted in a bouquet of tragedies, not the least of
which is a thorough disdain for America throughout
the region and a power vacuum in Iraq for which we are
soley culpable.

Iran’s interest might be a good idea if we thought
about inviting them to a few birthday parties and
maybe a wedding or two. We’re so fucking stupid.

All the king’s horses and all the king’s men are
idiots.

So Why?

Why do we continue to ignore all these common sense
notions?

Here’s a hint.

It weighs 800 hundred pounds, is covered in hair and
has opposable thumbs. A violent behemoth with a withering exhale and an ass that goes unwiped. The Gorilla’s name is Oil.

Actually, it’s official name is Every Natural Resource Available In The Region With An Eye Towards Greater Domination By Controlling More Of The Worlds Energy.

Dick-in-Bush have long since sublimated themselves to this reeking beast.

What we need to understand, is that there is no longer a chance to make this vile primate our bitch. At least not without a third world war which may precipitate an apocolypse of sorts.

The goddamned neocons would all experience priapism on that day I’ll tell you.

Let’s just solve this right here and now. I’m taking common sense for a hundred Alex.

The simian has left the building.

We really have only two choices:

A) Continue to make ignorant and unthinking war, including a unilateral unprovoked attack on Iran. A move that increases the probability of the US wielding nukes at some point because it will simply be all we have left. A move that may go down as humankind’s dumbest day.

B) Or, negotiate and actually enlist Iran’s help in attempting to stabilize Iraq. Stop threatining them with a radioactive ass stomping the period before recess and make friends. Introduce them to the crazy Saudis and the rest of the neighborhood kids, including those pesky Jews, and maybe start a chess club.

A lot of you still haven’t managed to wash the taste of a 70’s Iran and a dickhead Ayatollah out of your mouths. This is a fairly secular, somewhat capitalist country who’s people kind of dig us these days. They don’t like their asshole president either.

There will be horrifying bloodshed regardless. Anyone who thinks a solution is possible without rivers of it is a damn fool. This is real. So it is time to choose and these are the choices.

In the meantime it wouldn’t be a bad idea to get off the cancerous tit of fossil fuels.

Investigate hemp. Corn ruins the soil, requires toxic pesticides and is less efficient than gasoline. Turn that on it’s ear, pun intended, and you have hemp. That’s just energy.

Strongest natural fiber known to man. All textiles and plastics, viable food protein and the crop can be grown virtually anywhere and renewed every 13 to 16 weeks.

Forgive my didacticism, all I’m saying is that this not as hard as it looks. It’s solvable. Yet, only if you pay attention; back the right policies and the right people. Get your fucking heads out of your fucking asses.

OR, vote for me and I’ll save your ass.

I kinda want to be Vice President cause that’s where the power is.

Drinks for my friends.

I wasn’t impressed.

Dick-in-Bush are nothing if not adroit with the smoke
and the mirrors. Adept with the dogs and the ponies.
If it didn’t smell so damn familiar, if it didn’t give
me the creeps, if I was new, I might just swallow it.

Today General Mars Petraeus spoke, and he was full of
shit.

I’m not interested in writing a term paper here;
suffice it to say that we are further away from any
lasting solution than we were when Petraeus entered
stage right.

The potential for peril continues to swell as
Iran breathes power into the vacuum. It is an unmitigated
mess. A sigh between today and abject
failure.

The only thing mitigated is a chance for a
solution and that is by our own hand. Now we shake
fingers and rattle swords at Iran.

No wonder that the rest of the world
fears our foolishness.

I was impressed with CNN.

From Christiane Amanpour’s piece on religion and
conflict to this very evening, where I see Anderson
Cooper call into question the copious glut of charts
and statistics proffered by Mars Petraeus in front of
congress today.

Bravo.

Cooper and CNN are savvy enough to realize that
bouncing atop a wave of ever increasing Americans who
are beginning to see that they’ve been fed shit for
over six years is a wise play indeed. They are
saying, it seems, that we’ve been lied to so far, so
how do we know we aren’t being lied to now?

In other words. There seems to be an enormous war fat,
lipstick slathered swine of an emperor without any
clothes, parading gracelessly in our streets and on
our televisions.

Dumbya is not just sinking in the polls, he’s starting
to disgust us. Beware the tipping point that has us hating
ourselves. She’ll be coming ’round the mountain when
she comes.

Don’t go thinking these guys are done. They have fifteen months. It will get worse.

Read my lips. Mark my words.

You ain’t seen nothing yet.

Drinks for my friends.

Larry Craig is a self righteous prick in profound
denial. Word is, he’s eying a mulligan. A do-over.
Maybe he won’t resign after all. If he can just get
that pesky little conviction overturned.

You have got be fucking kidding me.

The depth of self delusion here is staggering.

Does he honestly think his admission of guilt and the
subsequent conviction for disturbing the peace is the
catalyst for the spectacular flame out of his career?

His Republican colleagues slammed the car of family
values and bigotry towards gays in reverse and stomped
on the gas harder and faster than I’ve ever seen a
collective of disingenuous blowhards do so before.
They wanted distance from, and condemnation for, this
dirty little self loathing faggot just as fast as
possible.

This whole thing wreaks of slowly decomposing milt
byproduct from man on man. In a landfill, of nothing
but diapers, catshit and fish guts. Maybe some
fruit in the interest of symbolism.

Larry Craig is a goddamn liar from every angle. He
lies about being gay. He lies about the morality of
homosexuality because he knows it’s not a choice. He
lies about his intentions in that bathroom and he lies
about his integrity, if he thinks he’s still worthy to
represent the backward ass rednecks in his state.
This is a man who led the charge against Clinton for
getting a blowjob from an actual woman.

This is a man who has crossed the line over and over
again in legislating against the the civil rights of
his own kind. He fucking stinks. He sucks. No pun
intended.

He is a sociopath and therefore useless to society.

Now he thinks he deserves to keep his job. What an
asshole.

Really. You have got to be fucking kidding me.

I would suggest to you Mr. Craig, that the best thing
for you to do is walk away. It’s the best thing you
can do for your family, you selfish prick, and the
best thing you can do for your constituents and this
country. It is time to look beyond yourself. I
wonder if you can.

Time to take a walk Larry, you are done and you
deserve to be.

Drinks for my friends.