Archive for November, 2007

The thing is this. As a species, our history is
fraught with violence. It is positively grotesquely
laden. Laden grotesquely I’m quite positive.

Our last century really has been the first to
highlight that the smarter we become, the less safe we
are.

Our ability to visit death on our fellow humans has
enjoyed a particularly effecient yet bloody and cruel
renaissance in the last hundred years.

What exactly are we doing?

We race our technological prowess along side our
ethical morality every day. Is the end game merely to
see which prevails?

What are we doing?

Ladies and the rest of you, The Republican Party.

I watched over half of the youtube Republican
debates tonight on CNN. I gotta tell ya, they spent
most of that time talking about God, guns, war,
abortion and fags.

Ludicrous.

They didn’t let Ron Paul talk. Frustrating. I want
to hear this guy. He is by far the most compelling.
The rest, to a man, are dickwads.

Format: Good.

Questions: Better than I anticipated. Not saying much.

Performances: Just about everyone of these losers
turned straight into the wind and began pissing. Battle of invalids. Pretty goddamn sad.

And shut up. I’m all too aware that the Democrats
aren’t much better on paper. At least they afford us
enough respect to entertain substantial issues like
the economy, how to get the fuck out of Iraq and talk
to it’s neighbors, saving the
constitution………….you know, the little stuff.

The Republicans look stoopid as they scramble for a base
that has lost it’s mojo and all but abandoned them
anyway. It would be tragic if they all weren’t such
assholes. Instead, it’s kinda funny.

Fred Thompson suffers from delusions of Reaganesque
grandeur. When he turns sideways he disappears. He’s constructed entirely of paper.

Guiliani is fucking skeletor as well as an idiot. Let
me tell you about this fuck. He’s the worst kinda
dangerous because he believes he’s smarter than he is.
He is absent conscience, conviction, compassion and
brains. He is nothing but an opportunist.

I wouldn’t be suprised if Rudy got his ass kicked in High School.

Mike Huckabee seems like he’s real swell. Every
Republican in America is worried about the size of
this sweet man’s honker.

Duncan Hunter is clearly on medication that isn’t
working. Am I out of the loop here? Does he have
some disability? Tourettes? I swear he jerked like
he had gills.

John Mccain has been reduced to a testy little fire
plug. He’s got a modicum of conviction but he
practically cancelled himself out with his passionate
denunciation of torture and then vehement support for
the war. Weird.

Ron Paul actually comported himself well. Smart. He
quite simply has no charisma. This man has no better
chance than Kucinich. Neither fit what we’ve been
sold about what “presidential” is.

What they should do is join forces and go third party.
Neither one or the twain of the two will ever get
elected but this would be the best way to wreak some
wrought. Seriously, Perot split the vote between Bush
Sr. and Clinton. If that crazy little bastard can get
that far……….

There will never be a realistic third party candidate
in this country until we have zero bullshit campaign
finance reform and forego the nonsense of an electoral
college.

But these two could do some damage. Now’s the time.
Major combat operations are over. How many debates
are left? Time to hold hands and do a Butch &
Sundance.

“Take me to the river, drop me in the water
Take me to the river, dip me in the water
Washing me down, washing me down”

See what I’m saying?

HA!

Drinks for my friends.

Merely the events of the day as reported by CNN are enough to inspire one to spray precious liquor.

As they come around the first corner, all presidential candidates, republican and democrat, are pulling ever closer to even as they break sweat for Iowa and New Hampshire.

They are stallions regardless of sex and even the ponies out front are beginning to bite and kick.

Methinks this is a good sign as it reveals an electorate that is unhappy and pining for change.

Soon, Oprah begins to stump for Obama. Interesting. A sociological laboratory in real time.

I gotta tell ya that the only republican that isn’t an absolute dickhead is Ron Paul. The rest of these guys are appallingly worthless. Guiliani and Romney are spineless, absent even nascent conviction and overtly hypocritic.

Save for Mr. Paul, this is a low gene pool walking the dog group of talentless insincere asshats. Empty suits all.

By the way, Cheney’s black Darthheart had to have a kickstart this morning. Ha! He’s recovering at home this evening after “electroshock therapy to jolt his upper heart chamber back into a natural rythm.”

Then Dumbya had to do the photo op with Gore for the Nobel Prize thing. They both looked like they’d just smoked a choad, but Dumbya’s gaze was beyond compare.

It was clear that his sack had wrinkled. His testes had retreated. He did not swing low and in fact, had no swing at all.

I saved this next one for last because it’s my favorite.

Dennis Hof, brothel entrepreneur, shameless and therefore efficacious self promoter and a friend of mine, has made national news by declaring his support for presidential candidate Ron Paul.

He says he’s willing to put his money where his mouth is.

I know Dennis. We’re not close, but I know the man and I grew up in Carson City Nevada. And yes, he owns The World Famous Bunny Ranch.

I don’t doubt for a second that he is absolutely sincere. Mr Hof, in my experience, is a man who does what he says and says what he does.

Not only that, he takes my calls and when he calls me, he tries to convince the receptionist that he’s calling because he found my credit card in a house of prostitution.

I need to add here that I’m also friends with a mayoral candidate for the city of San Francisco. He’s a crossdressing bodybuilder republican who owns and operates the most notorious and infamous sex club on the west coast.

Sometimes, one has to stop and smell the roses, pay attention to real people and real things.

Drinks for my friends.

So, Scott McClellan, the former White House Press Secretary shat a nuke last week.

I remember watching the puffy squinty eyed little bastard behind the dais obfuscate with abandon while marveling at how he could just stand there and lie with so much conviction on national television.

I loathed him for his lack of integrity. For something like three years his job was to foist copious quantities of egregious bullshit on a lazy and often complicit news media to be disseminated to the the rest of us.

Absent any sympathy, I still couldn’t help but gawk at a man doing what was surely one of the most difficult and filthy jobs that exists in this country.

He was the official liar of the Executive branch. Talk about state sponsored terrorism. He was responsible for fooling a lot of the people a lot of the time.

“The most powerful leader in the world had called upon me to speak on his behalf and help restore credibility he lost amid the failure to find weapons of mass destruction in Iraq. So I stood at the White house briefing room podium in front of the glare of the klieg lights for the better part of two weeks and publicly exonerated two of the senior-most aides in the White House: Karl Rove and Scooter Libby.
“There was one problem. It was not true.
“I had unknowingly passed along false information. And five of the highest ranking officials in the administration were involved in my doing so: Rove, Libby, the vice President, the President’s chief of staff, and the president himself.”

This, from a book written by the boy of dough himself. Not due to be available for purchase until April of next year.

You have got to be fucking kidding me.

Think about it. Some of the biggest breakers of this administration’s back have been former first stringers.

It began with “terrorism Czar” Richard Clarke and Secretary of The Treasury Paul O’Neill. They both published early in the reign of terror and both tomes blistered with indictments against what we see now as their most raw and gaping wounds.

Since then, former CIA and FBI agents, generals, people from his own father’s administration have been unapologetically vehement with crticism and even disdain.

There’s another rogue wave that has yet to bear fruit. The dead men walking that will haunt this corpse while it’s consumed by ugly scavengers. An entire deckfull of the good, the bad and the ugly. All of them pissed off.

Rumsfeld, Rove, Powell, Ashcroft, Gonzales and Christi Todd Whitman. Medal of Freedom recipientsTommy Franks, Paul Bremer and George Tenet. Scott McClellan, Ari Fleischer and Tony Snow. Tom Ridge, Norm Mineta, Tommy Thompson…….

Legislative Republicans en masse are in exodus. The party itself divided, fractured, in tatters and not bothering with the wounded.

This thing is rotten from the inside.

Dick-in-Bush are now a malignant cancer metastasizing at an exponential clip. They’re infected and fucked and they know it.

Ever seen a cornered opossum? Huge pissed off marsupial rodents. Really ugly and mean. Corner one and it will hiss, drool, growl and charge right at you and then disappear.

Let’s hope so huh?

The facilitating infrastructure has either walked away or been cast aside. What we are left with is an obese plutocracy and an utterly naked emperor. They are very, very dangerous.

No smoking, no open flame and do not approach the cage. Helmets mandatory at all times.

This is about to get very ugly.

What once was drunk with power, now cannot afford a drink yet still grips the reigns.

Man, I hate these fucks.

Don’t sit by the window.

Drinks for my friends.

Know something?

There is an entire buffet of
problems this war in Iraq has been forcing down our
gullets for years now.

All for obscenely avaricious corporate profit. All
one ever has to do in discovering the culpable in any
crime is follow the lucre.

America is just now waking up to the fat and calorie
dense hangover of a nutrient free feast catered by
corporate media and the plutocracy.

I’m talking about the damage done.

The hundreds of billions of dollars necessary to at
least attempt to provide the tens of thousands of
young men and women coming home with something
resembling a
normal life who’ve had their heads and bodies blown
apart.

Then there is PTSD, homelessness and a woefully
underfunded VA.

Until now we’ve only ever talked about the dead and
not the nightmare being lived by the survivors. Kudos
to CNN and 60 Minutes for shining a light this last
weekend.

The damage to America’s reputation and standing in the
community of the world will take decades to mitigate.

An alarming number of Americans are
unapologetic dipshits. Willfully ignorant. They
can’t be helped.

Just the other night I flamed some asshole on his blog
for
asking the stupidest question these dickheads can
muster, something about why do all liberals hate
America.

This kind of simple one dimensional thinking makes me
want to smash melons with a fucking bat. Melons and
people. People’s melons.

What follows is the comment I left on the
aforementioned asshole’s blog:

“Let me begin by saying for someone who cannot
construct a proper sentence, spell worth a damn or
cojugate a verb, you have a lot of courage asking such
an inspid question.

Then again, there’s a fine line between courage and
stupidity.

I will answer your question with my own.

Why do so many ignorant “conservatives” like youreself
cling so desperately to the notion that “liberals”
hate America? Newsflash asswipe; liberals love their
country and our troops just as much as you do.

Since when is patriotism the exclusive provenance of
retarded inarticulate conservatives?”

This brand of stupid fuck is not even thinikng about
consequences and costs beyond today. War is hell and
it’s a hell that keeps on giving.

I’ll be blunt. We’re spending over
seven hundred million a day. Over a half a million a
minute. Ain’t very many talking about the over six
hundred billion that will surely morph into a
trillion that will be needed to simply provide for the
disabled as of today.

AS OF TODAY.

Two words. Embarrassing and Tragic.

The lives lost, people displaced and shattered bodies
is beyond
horrific for something that began for not a single
valid
reason. Something that begat a house of cards so
embarrassing, and the didsaster it manifested
something
so thoroughly devastating, it is beyond those of us
who actually care, to understand.

It’s fucking sick.

Now, let me take you another step down this woeful
road. Dick-in-Bush pine and covet visiting the same
vivisection on Iran. Thus, more than doubling the
size of it’s cancer on America and the world.

The crimson tide devolves into a tsunami of human
viscera and an economic slide turns into a world wide
avalanche.

The price will take a century to pay.

So, forgive me for taking just one more step down this
wretched road.

Imagine that the good old US of A pops the cork on the
bottle with the nuclear genie inside.

Our last world war was some sixty years ago. It was
fought with conventional weapons until the the end.
Estimated deaths are 70 million.

Think about it. Do the math.

Drinks for my friends.

The most watched debate yet.

Hillary says she’s not playing the gender card but
that she’s playing the “winning” card and she get’s
applause.

Edwards, whom I like, get’s booed for pointing out that
she is accepting bank from the plutocracy. Summarily handed her own ass over a decade ago over health care reform and now takes humongous quantities of the filthy lucre from big pharma et al.

The very same lobby that smeared her smiling cheekbones visage in shit so long ago.

Edwards was right, for this we deserve an explanation.

It makes me crazy. Even on CNN, the direction of the
post game analysis is so completely wrongheaded. Who
won? Did Hillary get the better of Obama as opposed
to last time?

Who won?

Why aren’t we talking more about what they were talking about? About what they had to say?

How about when Blitzer prefaced a question by pointing
out that Kucinich was the only guy on the stage that
voted against the Patriot Act and his response was,
“That’s because I read it” ?

I doubt our little paste eater’s wife was in the
audience last night because she would have inevitably
gotten more camera time than him. He looked a little
tired but there’s no less light in his eyes.

I always come away from these things pretty much
digging the field. Yeah, most of these Democrats who
would be king are gladhanding, insincerely populist, well, politicians.

Biden was smooth, although his hair was kinda purple whenever he looked down.

I gotta tell ya though, there’s miles between this circus and that of a Republican debate where all they do is compare dicks and level of devotion to their imaginary friend.

Except Mr. Paul, of course.

I didn’t watch the whole thing. Who has that kind of
time? I think I fucked up when I set the DVR.

I have to say I had way too much fun hitting pause the
second a candidate closed eyes before making a point
with a tsunami of syrupy conviction, merely to imagine
them pushing out the most dank and rotten fecal air
biscuit with great vengeance and furious anger.

Ha!

Yep, I devoted too much time to freezing an image that made a candidate appear as if they were farting.

Blitzer had one of the best knots I’ve ever seen in a
tie. Kucinich’s tie sucked from hell to breakfast.

Then I thought to myself, I like these people.
A solid group. Well spoken, in possesion of subtlety and nuance and a comprehensive grasp of issues. Indeed, they make the Republicans
look like, well, like complete cunts.

You know, when I see this brain trust debate and
discuss, parry and thrust, they all glisten more than
a little. It occurs to me that most of these people
would be excellent cabinet members, diplomats or
otherwise executive appointees.

And yes, Hillary is quite impressive.

But our man Dennis speaks the truth.

The truth.

Is the surge working? No. It’s fueling the
insurgency.

Voted against the war and it’s funding 100 percent of
the time.

He also says the “Democrats in Congress have not done
the right thing for the American people. They should
tell President Bush, we’re not giving you another
dime, we’re not putting a bill on the floor, bring ’em
home now.”

And, “impeach Cheney”.

I do adore the little paste eater, the little engine that can and will.

And then this woman, I’ve no idea who she is, asks the
most inspid fucking question about the onset of
Christmas and Chinese toys. Work with me here. I
understand this is an issue and that steps must be
taken and things must be done.

What fucking ever.

Do we have a death toll?

I hate the idea of another American losing a few IQ
points because their favorite toy was painted with a
bright lead paint that was pretty but chipped easily.

My point being that although we’re already so goddamn stupid that we can’t afford another intelligence compromising contaminant, there are far more important fish to fry.

They indicted Barry Bonds today for lying about steroids to a Grand Jury. Why is this the government’s business and in the scheme of things, who gives a mad fuck?

Here I smoked some old tennis shoes.

Edwards was good too.

This is a brain trust. I’m not kidding.

Let’s see how smart these folks are.

Hillary will need a running mate. It is then that we’ll see just how
smart and progressive she is. This will be her test.
It will matter more than the selection of any Vice
Presidential running mate ever has.

Drinks for my friends.

The deal is this:

America tortures people. Americans are complicit in
allowing the torture of innocents to occur. Americans
don’t care.

Could this be true?

It pains me to point out that at least the last
sentence is specifically true.

“America” doesn’t torture, “Americans” are not directly complicit.
Yet it’s true when I say that Americans don’t care.
Sad.

Perhaps just as sad, the rest of the world pretty much
believes the first two sentences to be absolutely
true. And they have a point. Because if Americans
knew what the rest of the civilized world
knows……..

See what I’m saying?

Why don’t we know?

Whatever the reason we don’t know, it won’t let us off the hook, because all three statements are true. Americans are complicit in torture and we really are incapable of giving anything beyond less than a mad fuck.

Sometimes it all seems so hopeless.

A new Attorney General for America was approved by our
Senate last week. It goes without saying that the
shoes this poor sap steps into are filled with all
kinds of rot, foul, fish gore and insect larvae in a mature
and robust decay.

Bear with me, I’m assembling a burger.

Mukasey will need surgery on his stumps before
Dick-in-Bush skip off stage doing the best they can to
avoid looking like they’re being chased.

This man couldn’t speak ill of Waterboarding because
he claimed not to know exactly what it was. How
the fuck does one get nominated for Attorney
General of the United States of America without
knowing what waterboarding is?

He was obviously in laconic opposition to the Constitution about
silly things like privacy et al. as well.

You know, that illegal wire tapping/spying/monitoring stuff?

That comes up tommorrow and Feinstein will probably fold and all the fat telecom conglomerates will be immune from prosecution for spying on us illegally the second that turd leaves the Judiciary and hits the floor.

I digress. Another obsequious fucking meat puppet standing in the
same place Bobby Kennedy once did. Michael Mukasey.

The invertebrates held the gates open. They insured
him an “up or down vote” on the floor of the Senate
where his confirmation was a given.

OUR invertebrates. Schumer, who with righteous
indignation, brought this malleable dickhead to this
rodeo. He and our esteemed liberal from California,
Feinstein, held the gate open into the Senate
judiciary committee. And out.

This after Schumer beat Gertie (Gonzales) like a baby
seal on national TV. What new hypocritical devilry is
this?

We now have no excuse for not knowing. The practice
of “rendition” has been documented everywhere. It’s
been covered by 60 Minutes and CNN. Waterboarding
too.

Gitmo and abu Ghraib and torture. America tortures.
We drown and electrocute. We beat and humiliate.

America is guilty and hands itself a pass with this
asshat Mukasey.

“Who are these men of lust, greed, and glory?
Rip off the masks and let’s see.
But that’s no right – oh no, what’s the story?
There’s you and there’s me” -Supertramp “Crime Of The Century”

What have we become when the political party that has
staked it’s reputation on civil rights and truth and
justice for all, presides over this level of of overt
fuckery so successfully as to make it appear as not
but a covert whisper?

A once prestigious office designed to direct it’s
concern towards the rule of law and order exclusive to
any other ideal has fallen so far in so short a time
into the soil of common fear and manipulation.

Coated with human waste, the office of Attorney General of The
United States of America now paddles in the thick
sewage of executive deception and crime with the only
goal being to save these bastards, Dick-in-Bush, from
prosecution until they are confronted by the onus of
law that says they must go.

Fuck these fucks. Man I hate these fucks. Man.

Ashcroft was really bad news. Breasts on national monuments caused him to sputter and drool. Dancing was evil. He was tragically disturbed.

Gonzales was actually worse. He was truly evil and blind shithouse crazy loyal. Abstained from thinking for his fellow human at age six. Nearly a stereotypical sociopath. Probably a cool hang at a BBQ.

And now, for all intents and purposes, we have
a dickhead like Mukasey clutching a golden ticket
handed to him by our own.

Really good show you fucks.

I doubt I could be more thrilled that we handed you
assholes the majority.

Maybe you should have given Dick-in-Bush another 200
billion for the war at the same time and gone home
early.

Drinks for my friends.

Our little paste eater Kucinich pissed all over Darth Cheney yesterday.

I’ll begin by saying that I’m not willing to discount the role of hubris and posterity here. It is however, exceptionally brave, given that Mr. Kucinich aspires to be President and what he’s done here is opposed vehemently by the leadership of his own party.

Well, opposed by giant vaginas like Harry and Nancy. Reid and Pelosi. A sitcom about fearful, nervous elected representatives who find themselves so fearful they cannot operate in the interest of the people.

I am impressed. The little paste eater from Ohio is not here to fuck around. He undertakes and follows through on an endeavor that may be judged as magnanimous, artful and just; prosecuted for the good of the people, in the interest of subverting a consumate evil that jerked the wheel and steers America down a very bad road.

Or, when the empire suffers no restraint whatsoever, Mr. Kucinich will be seen as having pissed into the inevitable wind of greed and power. Perhaps hubris, posterity and humility.

What this man did yesterday is now a permanent part of the Congressional record. He conducted himself with aplomb and conviction. The case he made was intelligent and compelling. Richard Bruce Cheney should be tried for high crimes et. al.

This man, Dennis Kucinich, rocks.

Watch and listen.

Meanwhile, back at the theater of short attention spans and willfull ignorance, a young black man who may or may not have sold his political soul, battles an older establishment white woman who most definitely has.

They dominate our attention. Woe is us.

There are two candidates. Two. Dennis Kucinich and Ron Paul are the only two running for president who give a mad fuck about your future and the future of us. There are but two who presume to talk about the kind of change that might reverse this descent into the maelstrom.

You people scare me because your eyes are not on the ball.

We have far less than one year.

C’mon now.

brainspank.org IS coming.

Drinks for my friends.

The Democrats deliver us from evil again.

Ha!

Not!

Diane Feinstein and Chuck Schumer have indicated they will give the nod to Michael Mukasey. Mukasey being Dick-in-Bush’s choice to replace that absent minded and/or blatant liar Gonzales for the US Attorney General gig.

Yep, Feinstein, a Democrat from here on the left coast and Schumer, a Democrat from over there on the right coast have decided that this asshat Mukasey is acceptable to them despite his unwillingness to define “waterboarding” as torture.

This means it will leave committee for a confirmation vote on the Senate floor where it will sail like a frisbee over an entire gallery of a hundred men and women, who work for us, yet refuse to acknowledge that we’ve stopped asking and started demanding some very specific things. Some of us are screaming.

Waterboarding, by the way, is an interrogation technique whereby the individual being questioned is strapped to a board and nearly drowned over and over and over. They may lose consciousness. They may need to be resuscitated. Don’t know about you, but I might opt to have electrodes attached to my ball sack.

Goodtimes.

While defending him, Dumbya said, “He doesn’t know whether we use that technique or not”. And then, “The American people must know that whatever techniques we use are within the law.” Hee Haw, and then he said, “I’m not going to talk about techniques. There’s an enemy out there.”

Courtesy of:
Bush: No Attorney General if Not Mukasey
By Laurie Kellman
The Associated Press and Truthout.org

I see Alfred E. Newman in my minds eye. This is one empty suit out of his element motherfucker.

More disturbing and perhaps more ominous, Mukasey has left the door ajar on executive power to bypass the statutes and precedents that should be the sole jurisdiction of the FISA court.

He’s perfect! What more could this administration ask for but to have immunity from prosecution for torture and a pass to do-si-do around FISA? Schumer and Feinstein are willing. Oh joy. God love their obsequious hearts.

You have got to be fucking kidding me.

Kind of ironic that it was Schumer who was so vociferous with Gonzales when he was on the stand. Chuck was a house a fire, tore little Gertie apart. Showed him his liberal cock. Must be detachable. Probably in a jar next to the preserves in the back of the fridge this week.

Dick-in-Bush are chum in the open ocean without a complicit judiciary. The best chance so far to knee cap these pricks just may be squandered tommorrow by our friends Schumer and Feinstein.

How does that happen? How the fuck do they do that?

The future’s so bright, I’m gonna need me some blast proof goggles.

On a warm and fuzzy note…….

Our man Kucinich takes the floor of the House of Representatives tommorrow to openly call bullshit on Darth Cheney. He’ll be imlporing his fellow congresspeople to join him in impeaching The Darth Cheney.

Mr. Kucinich pursues this because of crimes committed against our republic’s most hallowed document on the rule of law. Our Constitution. He understands very well that he doesn’t have a root beer float’s chance in a blast furnace of succeeding.

Perhaps he has posterity in mind. I wouldn’t be suprised. I think though, he does it because it’s the right thing to do. It’s simple to him.

He can’t not.

brainspank.org now coming VERY soon.

Drinks for my friends