Archive for May, 2010

She reserves the “F” word almost exclusively for this downright context. I don’t believe I ever heard her utter it until I was about sixteen.  My mother.  She uttered it then.  She uses the the word very sparingly and only in sagacious anger to this day.  I confess it elicits a certain glee in me.  I like it when she does it.  It makes me smile like The Grinch.  When she says it these days she says it.  She confided that it’s one of her favorite words.  It was the following course of events that compelled her to disgorge the words this time.

Chapter Two

We find me exasperated, frustrated and pissed off at the concerted Republican effort to retard, malign and obfuscate with insidious bullshit, the repeal of Don’t Ask Don’t Tell.  Congruent with all gay, bi, lesbian and transgender aspirations for equality under law, I can’t help but view it as an authentic civil rights issue.  I’ve always maintained that sexual preference or identification is inherent and therefore exclusively subject to such specific purview.

NEXT.

For the purpose of due disclosure, it may be what I sincerely believe, but I don’t give a mad fuck either way.  If it is indeed a choice, it’s an exceptionally personal one and thus none of your goddamn business.  A spectacularly dumb and pointless concept for anyone to bother with at all.  When it comes to serving in our military, if a soldier is a good soldier, and by that I mean a willingness to risk and perhaps sacrifice one’s own life, who cares?

Over thirteen thousand men and women willing to literally take a bullet have been expelled from our armed forces for merely being fags or dykes or any iteration thereof since this crap began.  Some fluent in Arabic and Farsi.  Respected, beloved commanding officers.  Fierce fighters and patriots.  According to rep. Patrick Murphy, such egregious bigotry has cost taxpayers $1.3 billion.   Hello, national security.  Hello, war on terror.  Hello fiscally conservative assholes.

We, the citizenry, and the military personnel agree overwhelmingly.  Polling is consistently in favor by some seventy five to seventy eight percent for at least a couple of years now.  Americans never agree that conclusively on anything.  You’d be hard pressed to compel three quarters of the electorate to consign themselves to the notion that men possess phalluses and women vaginas.  The whole, pun sincerely intended, innie and outie thing.  The old, in and out, as it were.  Picture me penetrating the OK gesture of one hand with my index finger from the other………..

Yet the body politic does not reflect as much at all.  Every day is opposite day for just less than half the elected and at least 25% of the naturally occurring, incurably stupid.  Don’t forget “The 1/4 Paradigm”.

Who’s stupider? The just under half or the hardcore and perhaps lacking chromosomes 1/4?

I’m going with the just under half.  They actually got elected.  They understand the universe doesn’t care if they’re obtuse while they begin to reap what they sow.

Republicans have stated that they are so vehemently opposed to repeal of Don’t Ask Don’t Tell that they are willing to vote against funding the Pentagon.  Their precious Pentagon.  Their adored military industrial complex.  Their senseless $1 trillion dollars a year.

Man I hate these guys.

Fuckhead House Republican Mike Pence said, “The American people don’t want the American military to be used to advance a liberal political agenda.  And House Republicans will stand on that principle,” -Firedoglake

Mike Pence is a douchebag.  See Mike, this is just fairness for the people who will most likely fight and maybe die regardless.  “liberal political agenda”, Mike?    Good luck with that Mike.

Mike might could be a little Brokeback.

Thus far, only five house Republicans have broken ranks and voted for repeal.  They were immediately accused of having joined a “Radical Gay Lobby”.

REP LOUIE GOHMERT (R-TX): “If someone has to be overt about their sexuality, whether it’s in a bunker where they’re confined under fire, then it’s a problem. And that’s what repeal of Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell does. It says, ‘I have to be overt, I don’t care. I want this to be a social experiment.” -Think Progress

I have to say that I just love this fucktard’s last name.  “Gomer” was one of the most disparaging labels we could muster in Jr High.  Have you seen this guy?  Google him, seriously, I mean this dude is one round headed Gollum wannabe.  A can of beer to anyone who guesses which state he allegedly represents.

Louie occurs to me to be a little too concerned about being hit on in a bunker during a firefight.  Louie likes it rough.

C’mon now.

Similarly, John, can I look anymore like a deep fried poultry carcass, Boehner, had this to say:

“Rushing ahead with a political decision without understanding how it will impact the men and women of our Armed Forces who are fighting two wars is deeply irresponsible. I hope Members of Congress who care about our national security on both sides of the political aisle will stand together to stop it.”  – The shitneck’s very own website

Methinks he with the pallor of a roasted cornish game hen, said “ fighting two wars is deeply irresponsible.” See how I did that?

Nevermind the foolishness of said wars.

This next one is my favorite:

In the Senate, Armed Services Republicans threatened to filibuster the defense authorization bill “if it comes to the floor with Democrat-backed language repealing DADT.” “I’ll do everything in my power,” Sen. John McCain (R-AZ) said. “I’m going to do everything I can to support the men and women of the military and to fight what is clearly a political agenda.” Sen. Roger Wicker (R-MS) agreed, promising to support a filibuster “if the repeal language makes it into the version of the bill that goes to the floor, most likely after the Memorial Day recess.” –Rachel Maddow

Poor Pasty McSquinty.  Senators over the age of seventy five should be subject to compulsory competency examination just like they should for driving privileges.  He ain’t no maverick no more you know.

Archaic and absurd.

Still, there’s a thread here.

It’s all leading up to something.

Fire, I mean……Fear.

I know, typical and predictable but, with ever increasing obstructionism, partisan fuckery and shrill proclamations, those who would sell you fear are beginning to buy into it.  Republicans are genuinely afraid of fags.  It’s just that simple.  Don’t act all shocked, Republicans have been afraid of Negros for fifty years.  Now they fear Mexicans more than the Negros but less than the Gays.  They prioritize.

A step further.  Stay with me.  Rush Limbaugh, the Human Shitsmear, is a shameless hypocrite so he’s in my test tube.  He’s earned it.  Now, Shitsmear railed against drug users and abusers.  He fired snot rockets at Kurt Cobain post mortem.  Turns out he was one.  Exploited the help and broke all kinds of laws and nearly lost his hearing because he was a junkie.  Even got hassled by the TSA.

Rush Limbaugh, the Human Shitsmear, is a fag.  He is too you boys.

Get it?

Fucking Republicans.

Drinks for my friends.

I have a confession. I have a rather old cat, I can’t know her exact age but she must be at least thirteen. I’m sorry I can’t be sure of her age but that’s not my confession.

She’s been my daughter since the mildly jacked up former and still sometimes speeder warehouse guy brought her to us.  Back in the 60’s when everything was great.

She’s a Calico born in California so somehow he named her Cali but I think of her as, and call her Swirly Girl, The Gurry and variations thereof.  Once in awhile she licks my head or my hands and I’m not sure what to make of it.

She frowns a lot.

She frowns all the time.

Swirly bites and claws the shit out of me when I fuck with her but she likes it and we stay friends.

Heh.  Anyway, she’s getting to be a grizzled old meatwhistle.

I like the smell of her breath.  Meatwhistle breath.  This is my confession.

Her exhale is sweet and stinky.  She’s an old sod.  I love her.  My confession.

She snores and it warms the cockles of my cardiopulmonary.

The Fish and I contemplated the smell of cats.  We discussed it and agreed.  What we agreed was there was such a thing as kitty perfume.  A natural essence.  Rest In Peace my beloved Bean.  Tondaleo Bean The Negress.  Thinking of you still makes my chest constrict and my eyes water.  I loved you.  I would go back there, to that time, if I could, I surely would.  A simple and perfect life for us all.  I would, I really would.  Right now.

I would bring you two with me though.

“Wish I may
Wish I might
Get the wishes I’m wishing tonight”

Swirly frowns a lot but she always smells flowery and musky.

I don’t know how she does it.

I enjoy the stink of her yawn or hiss.  Sometimes I make her spit because it cracks me up.  All I have to do is pick her up gently, hold her gingerly and kiss the side of her head and face while her ears fold back, she rumbles and growls and pretty soon she’s a hissing fracture in the earth’s crust even though I’m loving on her.

This amuses me to no end I believe that’s what makes me do it.

I giggle and put her down.

She always walks away flapping her head in that feline way, frowning and shaking the experience of human dad love off like I’d blown mosquitoes into her ears.  Oh, the culicidae!

She’s over it seconds later.

I am also father to the complete opposite.

A muppet of a string bean of a furry post adolescent sorority hopeful.  Very feminine but with garish lipstick, zinfandel stained teeth and little social grace.  Beddy.  Yep, Beddy.   Short in truth for Bedhead, dubbed thus by The Fish.  Rescued from behind our warehouse and a community of feral cats when she was days old.  She’s a mutt.  Her coat is a mess.  She can’t help it and probably wouldn’t if she cared or could.  She does not.  I adore her.  She has no temper, no anger.  Sweet, curious and willful.

Petite black kitty.  Hair always a mess.  Barely beyond kitten size and not ever getting any bigger.

I can’t teach Beddy to comb herself, but she opens doors.  Literally.  She’s kind of opposed to my mother.  She counters her.  It appears deliberate.  When I think about it I must admit that one of the biggest conflicts on the books is between Beddy and my mother.

The sequestering makes them both indignant.

Beddy figures out how to open the bedroom door and mother devises the simplest of devices, literally a stick and rubber bands to defeat Beddy.  It impressed me.  It was so simple.  I’d imagined a wide wedge I could pull from outside the closed door with ropes.

See, Beddy likes to open the door and pee on my mother’s walls.  This is too much for all of us.  No one keeps house like my mother.  No one.  The amber stain of drizzle is an anathema to my mother.  I don’t blame her, my mother.  She has a nose like a toucan, my mother.

My poor girls.  Whenever they escape they end up within a few feet of me in not much more than a few minutes.  By my side.   They just want to hang with me.

It is necessary and it reminds that Beddy needs the surgery.  I’ve been reluctant for reasons not the least of which I’ve been a broke ass motherfucker.  Well, that’s pretty much it, but I really hope her personality doesn’t change much.  She talks a lot and what she has to say is pretty funny.  She bitches at me.  She wants the surgery.  I’m a bad dad.

Mom raps awesome tuna melts in foil.  Proof right there.  Sheezus. My queen cat has orange fur that never fails.  She leaves white and black all over.  Never orange.  My youngest leaves her black at the door.  All over in front or behind it depending on your polarity with respect to the door.  Get it?

Hey Otis, don’t gotta worry about no polarity on no cow.

“Wish I may
Wish I might
Get the wishes I’m wishing tonight”

Drinks for my friends.

ALL ABOUT HARRY (Reid)

My mother worked for him when they were both young and ambitious. They are still friends. He does not forget people.  She had occasion to call his office in DC a few years back for a favor.  He returned her call in half an hour.

When she asked for an autographed copy of his book for my birthday, he delivered it personally, inscribed, and kissed her on the cheek on live television.  His was the first ever campaign I worked in at all of eight years old.

To be fair, I’m a little prepossessed.

The thing about Harry is this: He’ll never end up in a sex or money or ethics scandal. What you see, really is what you get. He’s honest and does the best he can in a demanding and complex job. He spends his days threading needles.  He’s a good and decent man whom I don’t doubt consistently pursues what he believes to be right.  The courage of conviction.  Those like Hannity and Limbaugh would have you believe he’s a turd in the punchbowl.  Consider the source; what they are pointing at is a perfectly delicious Baby Ruth floating there in the garish red and tragically tainted froth.

The man comes from humble.  He paid for his mother’s teeth with his winnings from the ring.

I see these signs around town. Pretty random, often crude or homemade, saying anyone but him. What’s that all about? They know just enough to figure they’re pissed off at him? Too lazy to get a lungful of the alternative (s)?

Chickenshit.

What amazes me is that Nevadans would even flirt with abandoning his kind of juice. In this economy, our state economy,  highest foreclosure rate and second highest highest unemployment rate in the country (and no, it’s not his or Obama’s fault) and they wanna surrender the Senate Majority Leader? There’s everything from very sensitive and contentious water rights to Yucca Mountain, mining, gaming and our share of federal funds.

The guy’s card carrying and endorsed by the NRA. As the head of gaming during organized crime, he carried heat in his briefcase.  There was an attempted assassination. He was a boxer. He was mentored by Mike O’Callahan.  If that last name is not familiar to you, you might not have any business voting in this state.

He has the ear of and quite possibly favors in queue from the emperor.

The pinheads on the right spend as much time kicking at their best interests as they do drinking dogma with their hands protectively on their crotches. They’ll believe any goddamn thing.  No exception here.

I don’t agree with the man on everything. He’s pissed me off. I have my own mind. But I both estimate and understand him to be a good and decent man. He’s a Mormon and I think religion is silly but Mormonism tilts at hysterical.  C’mon, magic underwear? And see, you’d have to look that up; otherwise you’d be none the wiser. Wait until the right finds out or remembers Harry is a Latter Day Saint. He and Guy Smiley (Mitt Romney) might end up dancing cheek to cheek. Who names their son Willard Mitt? Ill advised.

Romney is a good looking but vacuous bastard, yet Harry could do worse. I suspect Harry’s a bit of a closeted Machiavelli. I’m not all that worried about it. Willard will either tie Harry’s shoes or be just slithering, hissing serpentine. I’m hoping for the latter. For the theatre of hypocrisy, of course.

I don’t know what will happen to Harry, but he’ll be fine either way. I hope. He’s a very bright and accomplished man, never making a show of his honesty and convictions.  Soft spoken, even tempered with a punch that most never see coming. It’s the state of the State of Nevada that should be on every mind.

Think of the State of Nevada and think about Sue Lowden in the same breath. The same sentence. She of the poltroons.  The chicken lady. My brother in law once described Dumbya as an empty suit. I kinda think of him in terms of like, less than immaculate conception.  Think gore festooned conception.  Chitty Shitty Bang Bang. Peanutbutter and pretzels and other choking hazards and their threat to infants and the infirm.  Anyway, Lowden’s clearly a pant suit of a whistling breeze. Bimbo flotation device. Not for saying it, but for flogging it without apology over and over. She’s way cheese short of a pizza but you never know. She could be your next spectacularly dumb and least powerful member of the senate.  The line between clever and stupid has rarely been so vast.

Were this to happen, her ascendence, good luck fucktards.

My mother knows her and she confirmed as much. She might have used the word ‘ding-a-ling”.  Without understanding as much, my mother really means “fucktard”.

Maybe she and Michele Bachmann could wrestle in actual toxic crude with Palin as the referee. I digress. It’s what can happen to you on cheap pot and gin you bitches.

Sharron Angle is barely worth mentioning, so that’s all I’ll do.  Eh, Teaparty…..

Danny Tarkanian has his father, a former UNLV basketball coach and his own prowess as an athlete to thank for name recognition.  I kinda like his position on foreign policy, specifically regarding the military and our flagrant use and abuse thereof.

Couldn’t find any evidence of political experience, yet he aspires to fill the shoes of the most powerful and experienced man from Nevada ever?

His positions on health care are typical Republican boilerplate and therefore suck.  Allowing the purchase of health insurance across state lines isn’t a bad idea, but hardly a panacea.  The entire notion of tort reform is obtuse and betrays a frustratingly homogeneous and alarmingly plutocratic stance.  Malpractice litigation accounts for significantly less than than a single percent of health care costs.  It’s a two dimensional effort to afford big insurance ever more autonomy.

Needless to say he waves both flags with the gusto of a lockstep Republican.

Stupid.

On the economy, he supports the repeal of the inheritance tax (realistically only effecting and protecting the hoarders of the filthy lucre), extending the Bush tax cuts to the wealthy including the tax on Capital gains.  You know, the ones that have cost us two trillion dollars and allowed for the top five percent to own and control ninety five percent of American’s wealth?  The most egregious, precipitous and momentous concentration of wealth in the history of humankind.

If that weren’t enough, he opposes a woman’s right to choose.

Don’t know about you, but that’s all I need to know.  He’s a douchebag.

It cracks me up when they have the pompous audacity to label us socialist when they are so overtly fascist.

Less juice than even playboy Ensign. The only aspect of what he did that interests me at all is the money. The payoffs and all that attendant drama. The monkeys of C Street and the inevitable blurry stills of visits by the Devil and Little Red Riding Hood. Pixilated and enhanced.

Nevada will be shat upon without Harry and with either two of these three roundheads.

I’m not crapping you negative. There’s plenty more shit for the fan and now is not the time to surrender to anti-incumbent myopia. I’m saying the challengers might be retarded. Work with me. Ketchup little tomato.

Go with the Trader Joe’s Puttanesca. Honestly, a little good olive oil and the requisite white cheeses and Bob is your uncle.  Remember to cook the pasta “al dente”, drain and refry with a little quality oil stirring rapidly, plate and add the cheese before and underneath the “gravy”.  It never hurts to add fresh tomatoes to the the sauce while it simmers and a little of the wine you’ll be imbibing, especially if it’s the cheap shit.

Ever flashed on how the contemporary cell phone resembles the “communicator” on Star Trek? Of course you have you bitches. If art imitates life, I cant wait for the “tricorder”.

Drinks for my friends.

Ever clock that riff in that song “Firestarter” by The Prodigy? It’s the coolest fucking sound. It’s so fluid and menacing. The song is genius because of it. Man, that’s an awesome Crimea. Live to toast, with beans, tomato and bacon. Or points of with Creme fraiche and caviar.

Sometimes I get up and check my computer. I won’t remember why I checked the spelling of fraiche in the morning.

That black death is filling the Gulf. Latest efforts in the lobby of the pizza joint at that old claw game have failed to tame the beast or inspire confidence.  What kills me is they’ve no fucking idea what to do.

They want us to believe they can drill five times deeper but they couldn’t prevent this or so far even mitigate it.  What’re we?  A month in?

This will end up a nuclear meltdown. Worst man made disaster ever.  I’m not here to downplay Chernobyl but we have no idea the total at the register there, so it only kinda counts.

How do you stack the animals and the environment against human disease and suffering? Let’s just say fifty fifty for the sake of argument. I believe animals to be better than human beings because they are innocent of greed or prejudice and they are capable of unconditional love. So let’s say sixty forty in favor of the animals because I can’t imagine my two kitties waddling and shaking trying to lose the oil, that no bird, fish or reptile would ever be able to deal with on it’s own.

This has me spooked.

We’re looking at weeks before anything. This thing volcanoing at thousands of pounds psi, the most toxic shit there is short of radioactive. 200,000 gallons a day? Bad news boys and girls. The entire gulf coast is gonna look like the surface of the moon. Wait til it bakes in the sun for a few years and the mosquitos mutate. Cockroaches the size of shuttlecocks.

It will come to shore thicker than hog snot and erase any reason to visit any gulf coast for a long time. We will all witness it and some will even understand what they see is but a quarter of what was wrought. Every American will feel this one. It’s gonna suck and they will lie to you about it over and over.

Louisiana is gonna choke on it.  I mean turn blue and flop around.  The entire state is gonna need the Heimlich.  Chemo and radiation.  Leeches.  A mustard poultice.  Mississippi probably.  How much of Florida, Texas……….we know they’ll need surgery.

The puppets are out, pretending to fail on their swords by appearing to be idiots in front of congress.  Understand that by wagging fingers right and left, they accomplished just as much as having embraced each other minus any social gratuity.  They all got to look resolute and confident at least.

Ain’t nobody gonna get caught accountable.

Pricks.

So how soon until even them that might be paying attention, succumb to the relentless serial lies, perpetuated beyond the pompous blowhards, by a simple wondering they might be confused?

Hard to say because it’s an ongoing conflagration.

You know, NASA has reached far further and has enjoyed a far lesser payload of consequences.  Total lives can’t be more than ten or so.  Anybody?

Here’s a government agency that screws the pooch now and then but generally gets really complex shit done.  The fact that the space hog of a shuttle is still flying, and yes despite the catastrophes, says this is pretty vast and special program.  Thy did a bang up job on Mars except that one time.

Someone neglected the differences between the metric system and ours.

It could happen.

They don’t have an answer,  BP or Haliburton or whoever the other clowns are, but the second they do you’ll know about it and you’ll begin to forget.  Hammered out of you passively but insidiously as soon as.

You know, by the liberal media.

We have not yet the capacity for this age of technocratic information saturation, yet and so, it accelerates despite us.  We have lost control of it.  We have lost control of too many things.  Sometimes I wonder where the line is between our lack of mere accountability, and our inevitable demise.

I’m doing the roadshow at the Reno location and a cranky looking, bald bird of man with gray teeth and a shit eating grin walks up to me and says, “Where’d ya get that wig?”.  I sized him up and said, “Can’t tell you that.  Can tell you it was expensive”.  He said it was a nice wig as he walked away.

Drinks for my friends.

Julie Brown

Is Rubio becoming the Latino Clarence Thomas? There is a reason why more blacks and Hispanics don’t join the Republican Party and the "conservative movement." It’s not just their ideas, which often seem hostile to people of color, and which have had very real, negative consequences, not just for minorities, but for America. It’s that in order to … See Morebe in the club, you have to sell a little too much of your soul, by becoming an ethnic parody or by openly repudiating your own ethnic group in the strongest, harshest terms, in order to prove that you have more fealty to their notion of America, which often translates to a particular white historic and corporate elite, than to people who look like you. In an ideal world, there should of course be no ethnic tribalism in a pluralistic, multi-ethnic society. But America has not reached that ideal, and empathy for others, whether in your own ethnic group or not, is at minimum, a sign of civilization. To the right, however, empathy is seen as a threat, particularly when those being empathized with are not, to be blunt, white.

……from over three and a half years ago……..

 

 

A Tempest Without Flaw

October 31, 2007 – 11:59 pm

Nine ways to Sunday and from hell to breakfast if we’re not careful………… In the last quarter century, arctic ice has atrophied over twenty percent. We’re now staring at over nine percent melting each decade and the pace accelerates. The effects of that decline are exponential. While the disappearing ice reflects less heat and energy from the sun back into space, as it melts, it reverses ocean currents, weather patterns and ultimately submerges an ass pocket full of inhabited coastal real estate. In less than that time, world population is up by thirty four percent. Still no condoms in Africa, despite leading the world as a continent infected with HIV and far more people than can be fed. Central and South America are hot on the heels of Africa, thanks in no small way to Catholicism and a long line of morally bankrupt, idiot Popes drooling dogma and fomenting archaic and absurd doctrine in every impoverished region on the globe. These people are evil fucking idiots. The EPA submitted a fourteen page report last week that the White House “redacted” by removing nearly eight pages and then saw fit to insert propaganda from a report that was partially funded by the petroleum industry. These people too, are evil fucking idiots. Nothing new there. Dick-in-Bush have been censoring NASA scientists and government environmental reports since about the same time the GOP hung it’s own toilet paper in the Residence. Indeed. Show me a report that denies global warming and it’s effects and I’ll show you a body of work with a rather obvious oil slick on top. Atlanta is due to run out of drinking water within ninety days. California still burns. The bees are taking a holiday to who knows where and they’re not coming back. This, a very big deal. Weather in general is off the charts. In the last handful of years we’ve had tornados and snow in Los Angeles. What’s occurred climatically in every other corner of the globe made that look Fisher Price. In that same handful of years the only thing propping up the American economy was an unrealistically robust housing market. That’s over. Very 2005. That sector now bubbles and hisses in collapse like some agent of Satan firehosed with holy water. Where the American economy goes, so does that of the world. The US has more than one piston firing in the global economic engine. Our pistons however, disrupt the clock and rhythm of the engine. Ominous black viscera vomits from the twin exhaust. Grab a gear and put your foot in her and she hesitates, sputters and acts like she’s gonna stall. Sorry, but sometimes you gotta laugh while doing the metaphor thing. We owe China more than we make. We buy more from them than we can afford. We continue to fight an embarrassingly unjustified war in Iraq, costing over $700 million a day that we have no way to pay for and no way to win. Yet, we command the world stage with hands on hips and chest thrust out, clearing our voices and stomping our feet, picking a fight with every other country in the region that could be of incalculable help in mitigating this clusterfuck we have ignited and foolishly perpetuated. America has become a cartoon. Most nukes don’t cost nothin’ cause we paid for em’ a ways back. Nukes do what lotsa soldiers do but way faster and way cheaper. We got a shitload of nukes. All different kinds. Don’t forget that the Navy and the Air Force haven’t had much to do with things so far. Don’t forget that. Wait ’til that kinda shit goes boom. It will guarantee a degree of fucked so profound, humankind won’t be able to decide whether to shit or go blind. The genie in that bottle will do more than flirt with our demise. Don’t forget that Russia and China are standing by. Putin and Ahmadinejad have been seen holding hands in public lately. Who knows what they’re up to in private, I doubt it’s in our best interest. And hey, crude topped out at over $93 a barrel the other day. Up from around $30 just seven years ago. Good news for fucking EXXON, the richest corporation in the history of man. This is a reality that permeates every aspect of just about every human life. The only exception is a stroll to the bathroom to evacuate the colon. Actually, in light of toilet paper, only a sprint to empty your piss bag. Let me put it in terms the Great Unwashed will understand. Soon, cable and Tivo will become expensive luxuries, the cost of adult diapers will skyrocket and you’ll be forced to synchronize crapping and pissing to the advertising schedule of network television. Yes, just like the 70’s. Oh and, it will be really hot, lots more disease and your ass will be broke as a motherfucker. You won’t have to piss much because there just won’t be much water. The temperature of the sun is eleven thousand degrees farenheit on it’s surface. The speed of light in a vacuum is one hundred eighty six thousand miles a second. The last thing we need, is to be slugging it out in a world war, with an economy constructed of flimsy cards, while Mother Earth has long been sick and fucking tired of our shit and is in the throes of hocking us like a greasy loogie onto the curb of extinction. I riddle you this; how do you intend to answer the question of where you were and what were you doing when it became so obvious that that our entire species was facing the father of all perfect shitstorms? I noticed at the grocery check out that Oprah is blowing up again! Were you perhaps overly distraught about a dazed and confused Britney losing custody of her children to a loser like K Fed? Maybe OJ’s latest stroll through pigeon shit occupied your attention a little too much. Or perhaps you endeavored to man up to real political, social and enviromental issues, but ended up succumbing to the insipid corporate media agenda of which presidential candidate had the most faith, which candidate might be most likely to let fags and dykes marry or which might be the most likely to let a woman make up her own mind. Wouldn’t you at least like to be able to say that you were paying attention to the candidates and the salient issues? Wouldn’t you like to say “I was fucking paying attention and I voted for the right ones.” ? Wouldn’t you like to know that you voted for the right ones and that was the catalyst for change so crucial that humans may have become extinct without it? Ladies and gentlemen, the perfect storm is coming. Just pay attention. Think about it. brainspank.org coming soon. Drinks for my friends.

 

I don’t know.

I mean I do but I don’t.

Let’s be honest, the immigrants in question are pretty unlikely to have blue eyes.

Having said that, the weakest among us are those that have chosen to hate Mexicans. Hate is something you choose.

I was raised not to judge. Nevermind the color of skin; I was taught not to for any reason save for character, integrity, honesty, reliability and a consistency thereof in total. I cannot fault any individual for coming to this country under any circumstances with the honest hope and purpose of feeding family or loved ones. My father would do the same in a heartbeat and I sincerely doubt he is alone with that ethic.

This particular issue hits closer to home than any I can remember as an adult. It’s understatement to say my parents are weary of rampant unchecked migration of illegal immigrants from the south. It is fair to say that I sympathize with them on a number of fronts. My hometown of Carson City, Nevada is plagued by all manner of sheep’s clothing socioeconomic issues manifesting as ugly circumstance. They winter in Yuma, AZ and on the ground conditions there are worse. Crime and violence have exploded not merely due to a clash of cultures.

It’s bizarre. I’ve lived in LA for the last 25 years. I figured the onus to adjust was mine.

I took it upon myself.

This is less simple.

What began as an issue so convenient, has begun to bite asses hard. To ignore it is to pretend that while business is reaped, in a fashion not unlike the engine of the agrarian age, slave labor in Dixie, only profit is sowed. Not so. Then there are the ordinary folks for whom there is no dog in this hunt. Folks who are frightened. Folks who are inclined to resent and even hate as the bombs they did not plan or place, explode around them constantly. On both sides.

Phoenix is the kidnapping capitol of the entire country. Violence spills across our southern border in frightening ways. More people dying everyday than Americans in Iraq and Afghanistan. It is real. It is visceral. It’s next door and coming through the mail slot. Again, avarice has morphed into carnage and fear. It’s exasperating that we cannot seem to learn this singular lesson. It ultimately is, America’s fault. It’s tragic indeed that them who created the problem suffer the consequences so much less than them that didn’t have a goddamn thing to do with it. Ain’t that America?

Yes, it is.

Giant swaths of our infrastructure are reliant on immigrant labor. Honest hardworking human beings trying to feed families. No different from any family in America for their willingness to do anything to survive. I cannot in good conscience begrudge them a damn thing. They are human. They love and need and wake up hungry. They do what they have to do. Happy to work hard for pride and the necessity of providing for their loved ones. Human beings.

We must not lose sight of the fact that they are people. They are we. We are them.

Something’s gotta give. It’s unsustainable.

Is the new Arizona law wrong? Absolutely. Not only is the slope it invites slippery as hell, in that it throws wide the giant doors for abuse and racism, it’s un-enforcible and enjoys little potential for an efficacious conclusion. "Papers please". Note the omission of a question mark you bitches. It’s unconscionable and naive to place the ignoble affliction of judge and jury on the workaday law enforcement officer. As a notion on it’s own, it’s crazy absurd and dangerous. How can the officer know anything about a random man or woman beyond the commission of a crime observed? No officer has time or occasion to walk in the shoes of everyone encountered. A purview beyond any one peace officer.

Peace officer. Think about it.

It makes no sense. How will this be enforced or prosecuted? Were it to prevail, it’ll be backward ass country fuck, Porky’s style justice. And it will because it would. That scares me. Absolute power corrupts absolutely. It will in no time at all, assume the most vulgar iteration of whatever the original intent may have been. It will get ugly fast.

The subsequent blowback is likely to be just as unseemly.

Or maybe we’ll get a civil rights movement v2.0.

Talk about passing the buck. The powers that be have no problem with the rest of us being consumed by the maelstrom. They rather want it. They anticipate with delight the worker ants scrambling toward threats once not considerable but now so pervasive. They adore it.

I can almost guarantee that upon reaching it’s obvious conclusion, and despite the Supreme Court’s rather dubious decisions of late, such law will be struck down. I see it as inevitable. It could happen.

What should I do?

Ever seen someone eat a burger while operating a five speed manual transmission? Answer yes even if you can only picture it. What about texting with both opposable thumbs while pissing in a urinal? The answer is yes. Work with me. Something needs to be done.

What really gets my blood up is this ignorance of the obvious. An attempt that does less than nothing to address the cause of the disease, and that makes it dumb. Wrongheaded. There has been a law on the books in Arizona since 2008, it mandates any and all employers to verify the legal eligibility of every employee. Approximately six percent of businesses have complied. Whew. Six percent.

Um, what happened there?

An earnest legislative endeavor to pragmatically confront the root of the problem completely overlooked and ignored. A law. On the books. See what I’m saying? Doesn’t that at least sound like a better start?

Therein lies the rub. It’s American contractors, factory owners, large and small agribusiness owners that are the most egregiously culpable. What they do is exploit slave labor. When the great unwashed screech and stomp about the dearth of an honest day’s work for an honest day’s pay, they have only cousin white devil to blame.

The highest most robust fences won’t solve it and neither will draconian laws or battalions more border agents. Treating people like shit inevitably leads to more and more shit. It must be exclusively and specifically egalitarian in intent and implementation. Pejorative rhetoric eschewed post haste. Human beings being debated here and like it or not, part of your economy. If they disappeared tomorrow, you’d be in a very bad place.

You would. Don’t shit yourselves. You would.

This is not a racial issue and it cannot be allowed to become one any more than it already, regrettably has. Trust me, it has.

This, another aspect not unlike a cheese grater applied with vigor to my ass. I don’t doubt that what I see here is a concerted effort to foment hatred, suspicion and fear of the brown man. George Carlin said that what we do is bomb brown people. If you’re brown, sooner or later, we’ll get to you. It’s no coincidence that during an eight year run amok by the GOP, nothing, fuck all, was done about immigration. All the sudden their all about it because it will inevitably distract from financial reform for example.

They hope.

Not a single senator with an (R) by his name has thus far even expressed a modicum of willingness to participate in any bipartisan effort to craft or endorse meaningful immigration reform. Instead, as with so many important issues, they choose to "wallow in a mosh pit of demagoguery" -Anthony Weiner. Cowards. Fucktards.

Man I hate these guys.

I will tell you that my loving, compassionate and very liberal parents spend a good amount of their time living along the Arizona/Mexico border as "snowbirds" and they tell me I can’t understand the depth and breadth of the circumstances. I own that I can’t. That they are frustrated speaks volumes to me. It tells me the problem is huge. Still, that they lean in favor of this legislation, if only as a catalyst for the federal government to finally act, breaks my heart a little. My little political heart.

It is not the right thing and it will do more damage than good for all involved.

This issue has been allowed to become overly complex. It is simple. We understand the malaise. Treating a symptom is myopic. It doesn’t and won’t get short term gratification. The disease lies in the avarice of our own. The brown people are pawns whether they pick fruit or sell drugs. Fisher Price boys and girls. If you really want them gone, you’ll pay for it in tomatoes instead of taxes. Grapes and dope. Six of one or a half dozen of the other.

You would miss them, I promise. The deliberate architects of this clusterfuck could give a mad fuck.

Drinks for my friends.