Archive for February, 2011
The goal thus far has been to hit the building across the alley with a flick of my smoked down to the filter cigarette butt. I’m guessing it’s 25 feet. Depending on the weather and the wind, I’m batting about 500. I can over power petite women with my right index finger.
The new objective has become a flick and arc so expertly executed that the butt comes to rest on the window sill of that building directly opposite mine. I believe this achievement will somehow magically coincide with a degree of prosperity that allows me to once again travel on a private jets to Vegas for no other reason than to eat expensive food, drink expensive liquor and party with loose and suggestible women. It’s true, I’ve been there and done that.
In the meantime, the regular guy is out sick so I’ll be working the door.
I rarely applaud or speak or perish the thought, tear up at the television. This last week I’ve found myself doing just that.
I don’t know about you but I’m fascinated and encouraged by events in Wisconsin this last week. A portent perhaps, in opposition to something wicked which surely this way comes. I long for this to be the real deal. We all know the filthy and obscenely wealthy Koch brothers funded the roots of grass that became the tea party. We should know the Koch brothers are the money behind the the Republican governors actively engaged in union busting in a dozen or more states. We should be cognizant that it was Koch brother’s vulgar lucre that elected Scott Walker as governor of Wisconsin. I hope we understand that unions are the very last power and money to stand behind the Democratic middle class and it’s ability to compete with Republican political action committees thanks to the “Citizens United” decision puked up by the Supreme Court late last year. Thank you Scalia and pubic hair Thomas in particular for signing off on the whole charade. Without mention of Thomas’ corporatist whore of a wife, thanks be to you two arrogant and conspicuously impeachable assholes for attending and speaking at events sponsored and held by the Koch brother dickheads to promote and implement their viciously avaricious agenda.
As Supreme Court Justices they should be ashamed yet there’s no imperative for them to give a mad fuck.
What chaps my ass is how they sell it. Like it’s actually good for the mouth breathing great unwashed. What draws blood from my calloused backside is how anxiously we buy it.
The Koch brothers. Their own father was a founding member of the John Birch society fer fuck’s sake. Those asshats were kicked out of the GOP forty years ago but……they’re back. And the mutual admiration between them and the pee farty hatriots is like watching a pedophile rub one out on a public playground. They can’t help but be aroused by the empty, unformed minds. It’s fucking sick.
I’m convinced the Republican intelligentsia is pursuing the remaking of America into a third world country with reckless abandon. Deregulation and lower taxes my ass, they drive hard and reckless for a one party America with two classes; a ruling elite and a working poor. Understand that’s where we are. More money, more power. This is the fight here and now. If you don’t realize and understand as much, you’re a goddamn fool.
The events in the Middle East and North Africa…….I mean what’s transpiring in Wisconsin, lends some hope.
It doesn’t get much worse than the here and now.
It may never get better.
There are strange and compelling things afoot at more than the Circle K. Yeah, not just here, but across the globe. Or rather not just in Libya, Egypt, Tunisia et al, but here. See what I’m saying? Here and now. The world is teaching us a lesson and for once, we are listening. Pizza has been ordered from a joint on State Street by folks in some 38 states and at least a handful of countries around the world including Egypt to feed the the non-violent protesters in Madison Wisconsin. I’m more than a little giddy at the notion that we may be witnessing a revolution by the working class. It’s about goddamn time.
The concentration of wealth that’s occurred in this country over the last ten years is mind bottling. Like your mind is a bottle……..work with me here.
70,000 in Madison today and the media is covering it, unlike the anti-war protests of nearly a million people during the run up to the Iraq war when the media could be barely be bothered. It isn’t so much that all the sudden Democrats and the people are abruptly recalcitrant. In many ways, they’ve been there the whole time. Certainly the people have, if not their elected representatives, who too often are so obviously without spine that it’s a wonder their heads don’t drag on the ground behind their legs and asses forcing them to pontificate up and back. Something has changed. Not only logic and common sense are on display but there’s an honest to Dog wind of compassion blowing not just through America but the world. Solidarity and democracy are bursting forth. And media is engaged. Paying attention and covering it responsibly. Or at least in earnest.
Might we have finally arrived at that tipping point so many of us paying attention have been pining for, anticipating, and some of us at least beginning to think might never come?
Fuck the queen, God save the honest, decent and hardworking. They tell me he helps them that help themselves.
Here and now.
Drinks for my friends.
One big toe looks like a melting tomato with a fang sticking out and the other has an absurdly broken countenance. I need to afford a podiatrist.
I’m so morbid, I check under the bed in my postage stamp domicile to see eyes on cats open and evidence of breathing. I adore my cats, I raised them to be aware of world events and be polite. Consequently they are current events adept and socially immaculate. I just wish the rest of the world made more sense.
Fear is an astoundingly good force multiplier.
I can’t help but think that the hyper rapid, instantaneous infusion of all available information plays a profoundly deleterious role in the ignorance of the modern American electorate. All available information means that at least half of that information is crap. It’s become far more convenient to actually know less while believing we know more. Social networks and cable news are an insidious culprit in a uniquely American context. No matter what you’re predisposed to believe or willing to own ideologically, is there to be reinforced and cultivated far more fiercely with the click of a button.
That click might be on the internet or a cable television remote.
If you’re of a particular mind, all you need to do is look for it, and you will be rewarded with real time testimonials from thousands if not millions of like minded dumbasses.
No matter what Obama says or does, there are specifically actionable instructions on how to oppose it; what to say, how to think and where to fear. Never mind how counterintuitive it so glaringly is. Nevermind how what they would have you do and say fucks you specifically. Nevermind. Pay no attention to the carcass in your living room even though it’s expanding bloat blocks the view of the TV. Nevermind.
Therein lies the rub. No need for actual news. No need for verifiable facts and information. If you’re an ignorant asshole, you’re no longer alone by a long shot.
To be fair, the opposite is simultaneously true, as evidenced by events in Egypt, Tunisia, Iran, Yemen, Wisconsin and the portent it all surely represents. None of these struggles and triumphs had a chance without phenomena such as twitter, facebook etc. How cool and ironic would it be if Arab countries, Muslim populations, serve to remind Americans of what the pursuit and sincere maintenance of freedom and liberty actually should look like?
Seriously. How cool and ironic would that be?
That tells us exactly what they’re so afraid of. You know, our “they”.
The same technology that just may be our demise, oppressed Arab countries have managed to harness as a formidable engine for fundamental change and justice. Pretty goddamn cool.
I’m pretty sure now is the time for Canada to invade us.
Or maybe Cuba.
America is the dumbest fucking country in the northern hemisphere.
The only reason America enjoys any respect on the world stage is because of former presidents like Clinton and even Carter. That and a legacy of goodwill that atrophies before my eyes. Reagan remains a pungent, lingering shit stain and Dumbya is so much the ever present embarrassment that he can longer travel abroad without a very legitimate threat of arrest for war crimes. Cheney was actually heckled as a war criminal at the CPAC prom last week. Hello. That tickled my ass with a feather.
The fucktardian right wing is overtly fond of accusing Obama of apologizing for America. They refuse to acknowledge the we’ve been the biggest dick on the world block for decades. We’ve literally killed millions around the world in pursuit of dominance for our corporations and the military industrial complex. Truth is, we owe an apology. We actually owe, *gasp*, reparations. If only we could see ourselves in that mirror. A mirror that is opaque for so many Americans because so many are so blissfully unaware of what we’ve been up to and so many more are so willfully ignorant.
It all comes down to the same thing it always has. Personal responsibility. Intellectual curiosity and accountability. People must still have their own minds. People need to understand that their own minds are the most important thing they have. Now more than ever, Americans must think for themselves. Who sane among us believes that current middle eastern upheaval is fomented by the left wing in America? That it’s some socialist/communist agenda propagated by liberals? Glenn Beck. Rush Limbaugh. Various other idiots. Ha. It’s profoundly and egregiously ridiculous. The impetus for it all is glaringly conspicuous. Wholesale paranoia and consummate fear of any genuine change in or for our very own homegrown plutocracy.
It’s all grassroots these days. It’s all ball bearings these days.
Fear is one helluva serious force multiplier.
Last I heard, America was supposed to be the stalwart, the bulkhead, against aggression.
Yeah, right. Yeah write!
Instead we stand by while they wage war on the planet and our environment, our people and every other people.
It’s why we suck. It’s why we are no longer able to lead by example or might. We’ve reached the point where we are a mere parody of our former selves. A nation of shepherds reduced to sheep.
Sorry kids, we are a joke that keeps getting funnier and the world is starting to laugh with abandon.
If you’re not embarrassed, you’re not paying attention.
I am disgusted.
Drinks for my friends.
So today is my birthday. I received literally hundreds of happy wishes from FB friends and I am humbled. Really, I’m startled and stunned. Thank you so much all of you. To my personal friends, and you know who you are, thank you so much but I don’t have time to respond to all of you so I hope my thanks here is enough. I don’t like most of you but love all of you. I love you all so much that I’m going to share some Dracula titles with you. My close friends will understand and the rest of you will be confused. The joke, for those of you not in the know, is very simple. Potential titles for new Dracula films. We’ve been doing this for 25 years. We even give them as Christmas gifts.
AT FIRST GLANCE, DRACULA APPEARS AS HAPPY AS A PIG IN A POKE.
IN THE INTEREST OF PROFESSIONAL DECORUM, DRACULA SHAKES THE TONER CARTRIDGE BEFORE COMPLAINING THE COPIER IS OUT OF INK.
DRACULA SMASHES EVERY BUD VASE HE EVER ENCOUNTERS ON THE FUCKING SPOT.
DRACULA THINKS HE LOOKS COOL BRANDISHING A BILLOWING, AROMATIC BLUNT WHILE SHOOTING NINE BALL AT THE LOCAL YOUTH CENTER.
DRACULA SLATHERS HIS COCK WITH A1 SAUCE BEFORE CALLING THE TOLL FREE JAMAICAN PSYCHIC.
DRACULA RELAXES WITH MACRAME, KIDDIE PORN AND WATERMELON SMOOTHIES SPIKED WITH GREY GOOSE.
DRACULA MAINTAINS A FEELING OF FRESHNESS BY SWIPING HIS ASS CRACK WITH BLISTEX.
DRACULA GRINS IMMACULATELY UPON FURNISHING THE MIDGET CHILDREN WITH YO YOs.
DRACULA LIVES IN MORTAL FEAR OF EARWIGS AND LOBSTERS, YET HE STILL EATS EARWIGS.
DRACULA COOKS WITH TONGS. DRACULA ONLY COOKS WITH MOTHERFUCKING TONGS.
WHEN DRACULA WAS A BOY, HE LONGED TO BE A COWBOY BECAUSE HE WAS SO ENCHANTED BY THE FRINGED BUCKSKIN WARDROBE THEY FAVORED.
WHENEVER THE OPPORTUNITY PRESENTS ITSELF, DRACULA DINES WEARING WHITE GLOVES, A GARISH PINKY RING AND YOUR MOTHER’S BEST HOOP EARRINGS.
DRACULA COVETS PUSHING THE ENVELOPE BY TIPPING OFF THE FCC THAT HE’S ABOUT TO CALL RUSH LIMBAUGH AND USE SEXUAL INNUENDO AS METAPHOR TO DISTRACT THE DRUG ADDLED FAT FUCK INTO STUMBLING OVER HIS OWN WORDS WHILE FORCING HIM TO ADMIT HIS PENIS IS NO BIGGER THAN A THIMBLE AND HE WANTS NOTHING MORE THAN TO ENJOY THE CHARMS OF A COMELY YOUNG SOUTHEAST ASIAN ADOLESCENT BOY DRESSED AS HIS VERY OWN GRANDMOTHER.
DRACULA CAN’T WRAP HIS BRAIN AROUND WHY THE EXCELLENT SUGARY PASTE IN THE MIDDLE OF OREO COOKIES ISN’T SOLD AND MARKETED BY THE QUART IN GIANT OPAQUE TUBS.
DRACULA PINES AND LAMENTS. PINES AND LAMENTS.
DRACULA CONSIDERS SUPERGLUE TO BE HUMANITY’S FINEST HOUR, SECOND ONLY NASA’S APOLLO PROGRAM AND THE POST-IT-NOTE.
DRACULA WOULD VERY MUCH LIKE TO CHANGE HIS NAME TO MARCUS.
Happy birthday to me. Thank you all. I hope I’ve offended you.
Drinks for my friends.
I guess if you read Twain, you’re inclined to think things have always been this crazy. Perhaps they have. I mean most of the things he had to say are totally applicable and completely in context for and of contemporary society.
I remember this episode of Bewitched where Samantha Stevens, pre-adolescent fantasy that she was, conjured Ben Franklin up and into the then modern world. It’s a scenario that has persisted with me since. I still drive clogged Los Angeles freeways thinking about explaining modern life and society to someone like Benjamin Franklin. Like I’m in my Audi doing 75 miles an hour or 25 depending on time of day and how he’d be frightened by one speed and terrified by the other. Or how I’d discuss current affairs with him and he’d be nonplussed on one hand but full to bursting with sagacity on the other.
If I could indeed reanimate a founding father like Jefferson or Adams or Franklin, I wonder how horrified would they be. I’m anxious about how fascinated and in awe of technology they would surely be. I’m really enchanted by the idea of exposing them to it and explaining it. I wonder and would obviously covet the view they would have of our world today. I can’t shake that. It would be so cool.
What would they have to say about a woman’s right to choose? What would they make of the conflict between a woman being able to choose her own life over that of her unborn fetus being influenced by a physician with archaic religious beliefs?
Despite all the absolute crap fomented by the religious right to the contrary, proof in thick tapioca pudding is clear that we were not born in any sense of the word, a Christian nation. These dudes were smart and aware of the dangers therein. They knew beyond the endorsement or adaptation of any particular denomination or specific set of beliefs that most of it not all of it was quite likely bullshit and the biggest mistake would be to go there at all. Ladies and gentlemen, I bring you as evidence of thus, the first amendment to the Constitution of These United States:
“Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.”
So Reagan’s centennial is being championed and celebrated. The Gipper stumbled over his own pudenda not for the first or last time.
“To those who cite the first amendment as reason for excluding God from more and more of our institutions and everyday life, may I just say: The first amendment of the Constitution was not written to protect the people of this country from religious values; it was written to protect religious values from government tyranny.” – Ronald Reagan, 40th President of the United States
No shit, Ronnie got it wrong. One of the few reasons righty zealots are so goddamn in love with him even though he wouldn’t last a day in tea bagger hell or heaven.
Reagan was wrong. It was written to protect the people from religious tyranny. They wrote that very thing because they’d just had their asses cheese gratered by religious tyranny and intolerance and discrimination and profoundly unfair judgment and bias and bullshit based entirely on righteous indignation and divine entitlement and the like.
Ronald Reagan was a clueless dickhead whether you’re liberal or conservative. I don’t doubt he had Alzheimer’s in office. I love to point out how gay the conservatives are for Reagan despite how politically incorrect it is because they all are gay for him, yet they hate homosexuals. There’s just a chili, lime bittersweet and therefore irresistible irony there.
He raised taxes 11 times. He presided over 10.8% unemployment after the one tax break he was so lionized for. Government spending, deficits and over all size erupted like the bowels of a fat drunken redneck 90 minutes after a six pack of chili cheese dogs with mayonnaise, mustard and onions. Then there was Iran contra; 14 convictions and more pardons than blow and vodka confused hookers and porn stars on Charlie Sheen’s birthday. He vetoed comprehensive anti-apartheid legislation and was efficaciously complicit in the creation Osama Bin Laden and the Taliban, the latter casting a lethal pall over foreign relations that may yet end in nuclear nightmare. Arguably most egregious in terms of legacy, is the culture of deregulation and dismissal of accountability on behalf of big corporations, industry and financial institutions that ended up as catalyst for the worst global recession in history, an avaricious precipitation to power of a world plutocracy and the consignment to oblivion of the American middle class. And by the way, he didn’t do shit for “Family Values” or social conservative causes much less those espoused by Teabagger blowhards. They would have run Sharron Angle against him today.
The guy wasn’t just an idiot, he was an asshole.
But I digress. Puh.
The madness continues.
Enter HR. 358.
Again the irony. Introduced by some Republican dickhead from Pennsylvania Joe Pitts (big surprise) and called “The Protect Life Act”.
It would grant hospital emergency rooms and doctors the legal right to refuse an emergency abortion to save the life of a mother and subtract the existing obligation to send the mother to a facility that would perform the procedure to save the mother’s life as exists under current law. They began by attempting to redefine rape as essentially only occurring if the female victim had obvious signs of having the shit beaten out of her (HR.3). I understand that died on the vine just like some fetuses do.
The Pitts bill effectively turns all hospitals into arms of the United States Conference of Catholic Bishops. In other words, your health care is now fully subject to fundamentalist religious ideology.
The so-called Protect Life Act is one of a slew of pieces of legislation that seek to effectively ban abortion in the United States, establish personhood of fertilized eggs, and outlaw contraception.
In short: Fertilized eggs are people; women are not. -RH reality check.org
Fucking Catholics are the last people who should have say in anything. Evil hypocrites. Phony disingenuous bastards. Hopelessly dishonest and willfully self delusional. I loathe Catholicism. I’d like to think I hate all religions equally, but I hold them to a lower standard in particular.
Much of the language is based on the now infamous Bart Dickcheese “Stupak Amendment” and co-sponsored by all the usual suspects like Bachmann, Bachus, Barton, Broun, Gohmert, McClintock, McCotter, Paul (of Ron), Pence, and Sessions. I doubt a more ridiculous cavalcade of stars has ever joined the national parade of mental invalids.
How much more proof do you assholes need about the difference between Democrats and Republicans? Let me know how I can help because I’m sick to puking with your incessant whining. Oh yeah, Democrats are fucked up too but shut the hell up. No Democrat would ever take it upon itself to introduce or sponsor such vaingloriously abominable legislation. Nope. No fucking way.
Drinks for my friends.
There’s no wind in the alley between my building and the next one over. I can flick a butt and hit it.
It sails downward but sparks against the brick on the other side.
The least I can do.
I wish I could spit that far. With volume and velocity befitting a camel.
I’m on the ninth floor.
I’m sick of the view.
I walked it the other night and it was insane. So many flower vendors just southeast of here with funeral wreaths out front so I wondered about the amount of death. I passed a few shelters with men my age smoking cigarettes. That was odd. You see more people smoking in public downtown LA than any other place I’ve ever been. I read a book once I liked called “Everybody Smokes In Hell”. I was looking for a bottle of gin. The crappiest liquor store I’ve ever been in just south of 8th on San Pedro. No credit cards, cash only. An elaborately worn ATM. I didn’t buy the hooker on a bike who offered to suck my paste despite her nice big ass. I wanted to get home for the state of the union speech. Pink, blue and golden twilight.
Downtown LA is weird about hooch. It’s either behind the counter or locked behind glass requiring the assistance of a salesperson with a key. I ended up with some Seagrams. It’s over flavored like a diet soda in a creepy urine hued, mottled bottle. I like Bombay Sapphire or Tanqueray but I’m not affording that these days.
Sometimes, I hate everything.
“…..There’s nothing on earth that can’t be improved by adding either Jesus or Bacon……Sarah Palin knows fewer words than Koko the gorilla” -Bill Maher
I’m broke but today I treated myself to a tuna melt on rye and an iced tea at this little diner on my block. I splat a pool of ketchup on the plate for dipping. There’s just no denying the excellence of ketchup as a sauce. Catsup; which spelling do you prefer? I really enjoy eating out. I’ve found that a sandwich is almost always better if someone else makes it for you. I’m pretty good about making sure I have something to read. I carry a book and or magazines in my briefcase sometimes for months. They’re like unopened presents until I’ve read them cover to cover.
I like how crime fighters on TV can commandeer cars from innocent citizens. They used to do that a lot more, at least on TV. Events always seem to climax in cemeteries, shopping malls, churches or banks. People diving for cover as the chase commences and opposing forces brandish and discharge weapons. Television would have us know that all cops and criminals are in Olympic shape but can’t shoot worth shit.
I like A1 Sauce on fries and eggs with feta, cherry tomatoes and green onions.
Sometimes I wonder how much longer I can be interested in life when life doesn’t seem to be interested in me.
What scares me the most these days is revision of history. From the word nigger being removed from one of our most famous of tomes to the Bachmann full up past the calf planting a foot fat pump in a runny shit deal. Sheezus. She tried to sell that the founding fathers eliminated slavery. While she stared hard at the wrong camera. Pukes of plenty going straight after history. I know it’s old news at this point but don’t let it get lost on you, this woman is an idiot. I think Meghan McCain called her something like the poor man’s Sarah Palin last week.
I love these bitches of the right but they make me sad for women in general. What I’m trying to say is that I adore women but loath these two in particular…..but I love them for the comedic fodder they unwittingly supply. Because they are stupid. I love these two because they keep proving just how goddamn dumb they are but one quarter of the people still adore them no matter what. I love them in the most cynical of ways because they are so inexcusably dumb. I love the people that love them because they are no different and that’s why they are there.
My love is conditional. Stupid is as stupid does or I won’t love either of them anymore. I want them to remain dipshit, deer in the headlights, clueless.
Drinks for my friends.