Archive for June, 2011

Let them eat cake

A vagina on a woman is a powerful thing.  On a man, it’s nothing more than a deficit.

On the other hand, I admit Johnny Depp is a lovely man.  Most women would hit that.

I went door to door for a while..  It was humiliating.

That was then and this is now.  Some days I wish I would be hit by a bus.  Most days,  I’ve no idea what to to do other than what I’m doing.  What I do is take sales jobs where I’m promised that if I don’t suck I’ll make decent money.  I don’t suck.  I’m actually pretty good, which is why I want to to kill myself.  Everybody wants to rule the world except me.

I keep running into men with vaginas.  They’ve actually lied to me to get me to work for them.  It’s happened.  It’s not exactly an employee’s market.

That leads us to Tim Pawlenty, Jon Huntsman and Sarah Bachmann.  I mean Palin, er….Michelle. Vagina vs. vagina.  I love it but I can’t stand it.  I adore it but it horrifies me and cracks me the fuck up.  Huntsman is well liked and respected but can’t possibly pull it off unless he walks back every position he’s taken in the last few years while actually working for the dark side.  Get it?  You know, the black guy.

Anyway, he’s got arguably less charisma than T-Paw which is significant in and of itself and neither of them can command the kind of attention the two milf barbies do when it comes to stages and cameras, balloons and circuses, dogs and ponies and all that.  Palin won’t run but she’ll pretend to as long as she manages to matter.  That ship has sailed.  Her expiration date is already a past due.  She’s done.  She’ll still be around but will continue to matter less and less until she melts under her pointy black hat.

Vagina vs. vagina.

Palin is stupid, but just smart enough to avoid buying her own crap and  Bachmann is batshit crazy enough to actually believe what she so vehemently pontificates.  Michelle Bachmann is the real deal.  Sarah Palin understands very well that she’s a joke even though she would never admit it, so Michelle Bachmann necessarily scares the maxi pad off a cunt like Palin.  Cross Sarah off the list.  She won’t run because she’s lazy and stupid and just sane enough to own it.

I hear she’s canceled her purposeless and directionless bus tour.  Wow.  Really sorry to hear that.  I am profoundly nonplussed.

Does that sound disrespectful?  I’m so sorry for the sandwich I’ve caused you.

So then, neither of them is as big a dick as Romney, who’s forced to flee like a scared little girl from his own biggest success, efficacious health care for all of Massachusetts of course.  Wildly popular of course.  Demonstrably similar to “Obama Care” of course.  So the Republicans hate Romney because he’s a secret double probation liberal in a conservative, but lustrous and gleaming ice cream suit.  I’m giddy that they hate Guy Smiley over what they imagine is his commie, pinko oblongata.  He’s long out front but they hate his guts.  He’s their only chance but he has none, whether it’s winning the nomination or the presidency.

And he’s a Mormon.  They hate Mormons because they aren’t “Christian”.

These people are fucked up.  In a time when most Americans think that homosexuals should be allowed to betroth,  exchange vows and consummate, when most people understand that taxing the egregiously wealthy could and should mitigate our fiscal maladies while it won’t have any deleterious  consequences for an already anemic job market, when most of us have come to understand that pounding the pride and money out of the middle class is a huge mistake, these assholes still cling to the rubric of obsolete cultural and social mores by waging war on shit we just don’t care about anymore.

Pile on to that, their relentlessly ridiculous insistence that a draconian fiscal austerity be imposed with an iron fist on the people in this country that least deserve it or have the most piddling ability to suffer it.  All in the context of record corporate and Wall street profits.

They aren’t just stupid.  They are willfully ignorant.  Hollow brinksmanship.

It takes my breath away.

We are witnessing the second act of a three act play about the collapse of the modern Republican party under a contagion of ideological absurdity.  The first act was the 2010 election.  This second act began with a  brief, but defiant rally by the patient who now speeds inevitably towards submission to a breathing apparatus and feeding tubes.  I can’t wait for act three, where we’ll discover whether the feeble and confused invalid signed a DNR (do not resuscitate) order.

Word is, the Darkman, Obama, is taking Pawlenty and Huntsman more seriously than the other vaginas.  That’s telling.  Color me fascinated.  They clearly know more than I do.  I still struggle with the idea that Obama, once the unlikeliest  of candidates, has no real competition as we speak.  Fucking crazy that the lock step, overtly disciplined machine has not anything but shit sandwiches on the platter.  Gingrich farts in a vacuum and Trump keeps showing up with turd festooned catfish lips and a notorious exhale.

Imagine being anyone of these desperate fools and understanding that unless Obama is caught with the corpse of Anna Nicole Smith in The Oval, there is zero chance their name will issue from the mouths of school children.  Much less a Texas text book portraying them strolling with dinosaurs.

I hear God might want Rick Perry to run.  Like we need another Christian zealot from Texas.   How much will the village miss it’s idiot this time I wonder.  Praise the lord and pass gas.

They are all jackasses.

I’ve been pointing this out for quite a while and I have a really good reason for doing so.  It is what it is.  What it is now, is a pretty goddamn good chance that Obama will slide into a second term.

What needs to happen now, is what they’re most afraid of.  This administration, without the specter of reelection hanging overhead, should rise to the occasion we’ve all been idealizing for years.  The sack we hoped for and had a right to anticipate given the rhetoric and message sermonized, should be on full display come next year.

But it’s up to you.  It’s always about you.  It never stops being just that.  This president needs to step up, but he won’t unless you do.  He won’t if you don’t.  All the things the “professional left” bitches about will never come to pass unless we and they continue to piss, moan and holler.  Nevermind them that would pretend at the throne.  FDR admonished, “Make me do it.”

“We don’t need need ‘new ideas’.  We need the balls to implement the ideas we already know work.  Cut corporate welfare.  Slash the defense budget.  Tax the rich.  Support the strong unions that created a middle class in the first place.  Build infrastructure and take the profit out of health care………”  -Bill Maher

As of this writing, the New York state legislature has passed a bill that allows for same sex marriage.  It’s an absolute unequivocal civil rights triumph.  The times, they are a changin’.  Suck on that you backward ass country fucking bigots.  Your obsolescence is planned and coming home to roost.

The sale is always closer than you think.

Drinks for my friends.

Fear Porn

I did the salad bar at Ralph’s tonight. The spinach looked fresh and there was three kinds of cheese. I should be in bed. The problem is, I’ve got this excellent salad and I’m not hungry and I should be in bed.  Conundrum.  Stress shrinks my stomach.  It’s been good to me so far.  I even bought a jar of Bob’s.  I’ve got luxury dressing.  Bob’s (big boy) Bleu Cheese Salad Dressing is among the finest things mankind has ever produced, recorded and mixed.

I’ve decided I’ll only get through a third of this salad but it feels good to eat plants.  Tons of fresh earthy spinach, tomatoes and onions and mushrooms and olives.  I always make it too big.  There’s a disconnect between my appetite and my stomach.  I threw on some of those little orange mandarin slices that look like bent index fingers, but orange and kinda translucent.  Red onion.  A modicum of oil and vinegar.  Fetta, bleu and parmesan.

I practice the high art of saladry.  Somebody bring me some water.

I can’t help it.  I think in colors and sounds and tastes and textures.  I wonder just how different that is.  Do most people estimate all that they take in on a scale that is from black to white?  I hear people discuss things in terms  of from one to ten.  Percentages.  Is everything gray?  Somewhere between black and white?  On a scale of zero to one hundred?  Do they oversimplify experiences and perceptions for the sake of convenience and or common definition?

Of course they do.

Yet there is no way we could have cell phones and computers or even the combustion engine if even half of us thought so inside the box.

It makes me think of the multi level chessboard from the original Star Trek.  Remember Spock kicking some crew member’s ass with an emotionless countenance?

We arrived at music long before the nuclear bomb.  I’ve learned that so many of us are dumb and quite a few of us are unbelievably smart.

The human race is what it is.

I never made music, but I facilitated it.  I was pretty good at it.  I did my best to make it sound like it did in my head.  It may have been selfish or egocentric to render it so accordingly but it was all I had.  All I knew to do.  The people who weren’t as good at it as I was didn’t even do that.  I felt it, tasted it, saw it.  I heard it in my head.

As a segue, it’s a stretch but bear with me.  The field of Republican candidates is a joke.  Silly fucks.  Today’s temperature indicates not one of them has a chance in hell.  Still, not one viable candidate.  They don’t see anything.  They can’t or don’t or refuse to picture a damn thing.  They don’t care.  They don’t want to.  Opportunists  all.  Present  for the opportunity, nevermind the job.  All there to boost book sales or speaking fees.  Republicans love money so much they’re not ashamed to run for president; not only hoping, but knowing they can’t win.  Okay, maybe not all of them.  Nobody’s ever heard of Pawlenty.  He’ll lose and write a book that no one will buy.

All resplendent on a stage the other night for the “debate” to say mendaciously fanciful things about the president.  Lies behind smiles.  So afraid to confront or actually engage one another.  Back to back they faced each other.  With their swords they declined to even shoot at each other.

Bachmann had the most composure.  What does that tell you?

I can’t believe they gave Newt a spot.  What does that tell you?

Did I watch it?  Can Sarah Palin name the capitol of Washington DC?  See what I’m saying?

The answer is fuck no.  I hate a predictable movie.

It’s a goddamn joke.  Not one of them is taking it seriously.  There is not one viable Republican candidate.  Not one.  Although Romney’s magic underwear is in a temporary twist because he’s leading the pack.  I love Michele Bachmann as much as I loathe her.  She’s dumb as a stick but makes Palin look like she suffers from fetal alcohol syndrome.  Both might be milfs so there lies the impetus for their popularity.  It sure as fuck isn’t brains or ability.  Whatever.  It’s the only reason anyone gives a mad fuck.  And the only people that give that mad a fuck breathe through their mouths and ears.

I used to be able to breathe through my ears but that was a few million years ago.  It’s no longer necessary.

You know, evolution and all.

Take Newt and Romney.  Guy Smiley is a used car salesman in that he’s clever but stupid.  Really nice hair.  Handsome.  Zero integrity.  A champion of health care before it was a liability among the truly stupid.  He can’t run on the only success he ever had in office because any power for the people is an anathematic litmus test for membership in good standing of today’s Republican party.  Gorgeous irony.  He’s rich and he’s got nothing else to do and running for president has been huge for his brand before, so he’s back.  He is an idiot.  I could smoke him at tic tac toe by persuading him to let me go first every time.  He would, because he’s a dumbass.

Newt is absolutely the same deal, but both smarter and stupider simultaneously.  All about his brand.  An intelligent man making a living off of willfully ignorant people. He makes me think in terms like pie faced, salamander and asshole.  Every important person in his campaign quit last week.  They told him to pound sand because they simply couldn’t live with themselves.  Nothing but a blowhard.   Newt is an absolute jerkoff who fancies himself an intellectual and then there’s his wife.  Talk about Stepford.  Weird Barbi vacant stare and mannequin grin…….haunted and soulless …..and she’s involved in all decisions.  Real First Lady material.  I’d be afraid of her in a dark alley because I know she has special powers.  She can mysteriously inspire a man to full rigidity only to fang all the blood therefrom.

Ever notice Trump has a mouth like a goddamn catfish?

Look. we all just want security.   And these people are clowns who just want us to be afraid.

What they will do for as long as they can get away with it, is peddle fear.  Fear porn.  Bullshit, hypocritical loathing of anyone different in any way.  Fags, dykes, niggers, spics, towel heads, socialists, peaceniks, Satan worshipers, atheists, union workers, the poor, the disenfranchised ……….anyone not White Anglo Saxon Protestant.  Even though that shit is so 1950’s, Orange County-Alabama.

They will continue their duty as profligates to promulgate the lie that America is broke and perpetuate the myth that it’s all our fault in order to propagate austerity so that the rich get richer, the poor get poorer and the global concentration of wealth marches on.  Understand that they know it doesn’t matter whether they get elected or not.  They know they won’t.  It just doesn’t matter.  It’s not about that.

I ate the whole salad.

The Republican party got me stoned for a month one night.  Then they drug tested me and I lost my job.  Now I can’t get unemployment benefits because  of the drug test I failed.  So I had an abortion.  Now I can’t vote.  That’s big government.  Does this look infected to you?  They seem to be afraid of me because I look white but there’s a chance I might be black.  Actually, I’m a Scottish Muslim. They hate to be confused.  I’d hate to be that confused too.

Bumpy and pink watermelon flavored pudding.

Just wait ’til Obama doesn’t have to worry about being reelected.  Howitzer’s may fire from the rose garden.  Gatling guns rattling and exploding I expect.  A conscious man who need not fear the courage of his convictions or his actions from here on in.  I hope.  This is what they fear most.  They do their worst.  They know they their chance is no more than a fart in a whirlwind.

Drinks for my friends.

It just can’t wait

We are different as Americans. We would be wise to understand that. It would be smart for us to own that we are different in ways that are profound and unique in the eyes of the world.  That lotsa people think we’re assholes.

If we could just do that.

I failed to close a deal with a couple from a certain culture the other day even though I understood the cultural division that existed like a turducken between us.  I knew what to do.  Where to go.  But I didn’t.  It’s all over but the shouting.  And that’s my point.  I know people.  I know how to do that.  I knew what to do but I didn’t do it.  I’m pissed at myself because I’m a salesman and I knew exactly what to do, and I didn’t do it.

I tell myself new job and don’t rock the boat on a very public sales floor.  Arena.  Coliseum.  So I didn’t, but I should have.

See, he lied to me.

I should have confronted him.  I should have addressed it.

It made me think.  People are different at least as much as we are the same.  I’m white.   You’re a lovely shade of olive.  We look different.  So what?  The difference in complexion is not the point.  We really need to move beyond the simple notion of racism and begin to know that cultural differences are what cause unrest.

Despite America being the melting pot of diversity, the last bastion for poor and huddled masses yearning to be free, only recently have we managed to entertain the idea of equality when it comes to those of a different color.  So now we opine about our cultural differences as though they’re inherent.  Yup.  We’re onto something here.  They aren’t inherent but they are the next best thing.  Indoctrinated.  Inside America we have profound cultural divides.  The very few Americans that manage to think beyond borders stare at a potent mix of animosity and defiance and realize it’s just outside the door.

We’ve begun to sag in the middle.  We’re not what we used to be.  Quite a bit of gray behind the eyes and above the ears.

If we could just see the world for what it is and stop viewing it in the context of us.  Stop thinking it’s about us.  If we could just do that.

And then if everyone else could do that too.

I believe I have just solved everything.

So yeah.  Skin in the game.  It’s all about how much you stand to lose.

Let’s talk about Anthony Weiner.

I am compelled to put his transgressions into context.  That word again.

You have your David Vitters, your Newt Gingrichs and your John Ensigns…………all champions of family values and absolute fucking hypocrites who’s crimes make those of Mr. Weiner look Fisher Price.  Anthony Weiner never staked a claim to any of that real estate.  Family values.  Horseshit indefinable morality.  It’s worth pointing out but really beside the point when all is said and done.  What he was, was an extraordinarily adept firebrand for progressive thinking, ideas and concepts.  He had the courage of his convictions and he demonstrated them with an enviable adroitness made up of equal parts humor, intelligence and aplomb.  As an unapologetic liberal, I liked and admired him.

An ideal beast.

What frustrates and disappoints me so profoundly is that his indefatigable pursuits and powerful confidence will be forever be compromised by pictures of his hairless torso and a horse package barely contained by a pair of gray, butt hugging briefs.  Just what the fuck is up with a man so obviously intelligent and talented, overtly courting disaster by so recklessly inviting a foregone conclusion via such  public media such as twitter and facebook?  Mind bogglingly dumb.  Obtuse.  Ridiculous.  Embarrassingly stupid.  What the hell?

Understand the danger here, if John Edwards for example, had managed to further his charade a step or two more, John McCain and Sarah Palin would be our current ringmasters.  If that doesn’t scare you, call 911 so at least a professional can check you for a pulse.

I’d love to tell you that I’m baffled.  That I’m confused.  That my mind can find no purchase into this mystery of hubris and foolishness.  But I think I understand.  It’s the same thing that mysteriously manifested with John Edwards.  Lead Singer’s Disease.  LSD for short.  I’ve dealt with a lot of lead singers and lead guitar players, programmers and producers.  I was one of those and I was a cocky motherfucker.  A lovely woman who now hates me described me as “puffy”.  Every public person, celebrity, elected official and local news anchor struggle with and suffer from such malaise.  The good ones rise above it.  The weak ones succumb.  The in between ones, the huge majority, end up being exposed or not but they are always guilty by degrees.  The personality requisite for fronting a rock band is more than similar to that of a politician.  When they don’t get that record deal or fail to get elected, the reaction is always bitter and blame is everywhere but on them.  When they do succeed, a sense of privilege or entitlement begins to take hold.

I was in between and guilty by more than a few degrees.

For an ordinary individual, this could very well be all but a victimless trespass.  No actual live penis insertion.  Nothing hot and sweaty.  No exchange of fluids.  Still, a matter for wife and husband.  But in the instance of an ambitious, publicly elected federal representative, victims are abundant and prolific.  His constituents, colleagues, friends and family.  I am none of those.  You probably aren’t either, but he was much bigger than all of that.  So at the end of the day,  it is you and it is me.  It is.  We pay.  His voice is no longer viable; he’s no longer credible.  He did take on dragons in his day.  Flying, fire breathing serpents will no longer be on his list.  He’s off our list of brave warriors for probably ever.

“Who are these men of lust, greed, and glory?
Rip off the masks and let’s see.
But that’s no right – oh no, what’s the story?
There’s you and there’s me……”
-Supertramp “Crime Of The Century”

I wish fiercely that Big Bad Bill would not have lied about his blowjob.  He should have told that vociferous asshole Ken Starr that it was none of his business.  Anthony Weiner should have done the same from the start.  After all, no crime was committed.

But, I’m absolutely furious with Mr. Weiner for so thoughtlessly engaging in behavior that jeopardized everything he stood for and everything we stood behind him for.

Anthony Weiner, you shameless prick, pun intended, do I think you should resign?

I believe Democrats should hold themselves to a higher standard than Republicans, who quite conspicuously do not.  We must be able to wake up in the morning, look in the mirror and own that we are better than them.  They claim the moral high ground but we actually hold the deed and we’re paid up.  I’m more than sure that Anthony Weiner is a better human being than Andrew Breitbart, Rush Limbaugh or any other right wing fucktard, goofcock, dipshit that masquerades as journalist these days.  It’s a tough call.  I really liked him.  I’m conflicted.  What he risked is all we who supported him hold sacred.  He did that willingly.  What he’s done is inexcusable, not for what it actually was but for the inevitable consequences.

I must tell you that I never judge a man or woman for such failings.  It’s not my business.

But his goddamn nonchalant insouciance pisses me off in light what is so glaringly evident.  He forced his actions into our purview.

So yes, Mr. Weiner.  I suggest you take a walk.  I sincerely hope you can repair the damage done to your family and friends.  I suspect you can still prosper in life as a private citizen.  You are clearly bright and accomplished.  You’ll be fine, provided you can make peace with those close to you.  It’s not that what you did is actually so bad.  It’s that you so casually disregarded why we all believed in you for some spurious pleasure.  You lied about it.  You are a rockstar no more.

Your best efforts from here on in, will merely bruise the message.

I suggest you start drinking heavily and walk away.

Today, because of you, we all lose.

I thank you with all of my heart and mind for your service.

Please step away from the vehicle.

Drinks for my friends.

Zen Second Memorial Dais

I used to dread dressing professionally. Now I’m okay with it despite my lack of professional clothes.  I compensate for ordinary shoes.  I have just enough to get through a week of work. I hate how obvious it is when I drip after pissing because I don’t wear underwear.  Tan slacks tend to belie the fact that you just took a leak if you’re not very careful.  I’ve hated underwear since I was in jr high; made my crotch itch like bugs were having a rodeo in my burgeoning thatch of barely pubescent straw.

The whole showering with other sometimes enormous dicks and harrier balls traumatized me too.  The last thing you want when you’re twelve is overgrown jocks evaluating your package and discussing it with cheerleaders.

Just like starting a new job.

It seems I’ve had as many new jobs in the last year as months on the calendar.  There was at least one asshole I couldn’t possibly work for without punching him in the mouth or bombing his house.  I absolutely could have made it rain for him but he couldn’t see past the line of blow in front of him.  Complete loser.  Been there, done that.  There was another group of people that I wish could taste their bad behavior like rancid their breath.  Dicks in vaginal clothing.  Seriously.  In between were all the random sales jobs.  Window treatments at Costco, two brief auto warranty jobs and a stint as a door to door for the environment.  I’ve got humility and experience.  I’ve sold everything from glass dildos to pot pipes, merchant services to customized rolling papers.

All the sudden I’m well rounded and middle aged.

I wash my hands and shake them at my pants to make the issue smaller.

My life is crazier than I ever would have imagined but I’ve learned that I’m not crazy and I’m not stupid.

Still, sometimes I try to think but nothing happens.

I see people.  I’m pretty sure I do.  It’s obvious when they’re amplified by the media.  Yet ordinary people are easy to spot but not so easy to figure out.  I’ve made a living for quite some time by figuring people out.  It’s what I do.

I am public.  I have become a face for yet another company.

Sales is one of the craziest things anyone could ever choose.  A former best friend drug me into it fifteen years ago.  He and I no longer talk. He wasn’t my best or only friend but he was a good one while it lasted.  I’m grateful he pushed my face into it.

It’s hard.

But it is nothing.

It ain’t shit.

Yesterday was Memorial Day.

I’m a peacenik.  A pacifist.  I’m absolutely confident that the war we chose to wage in Iraq was without reason.  Zero logical justification.  The sheer number of dead on either side was for not one goddamn good reason.  Not one.  It breaks my heart.  Because it was stupid.  Because it was never about justice or honor or decency.  Never about a legitimate threat or an impending threat or an inevitable consequence.  All of it, in it’s entirety, was absolute bullshit.  Talk about wanting to punch motherfuckers in the mouth.

It really pisses me off.

America has not waded into a conflict with just cause since WWII.  We are dangerously stupid and absurdly wealthy and our most convenient currency is human life, whether it’s us or them, and that makes us inexcusably evil.  What we are about now and how we are perceived beneath the world’s proscenium is abhorrent, audacious and awful.  Without question, America is now the glassy eyed bully in the bar.  Six foot five, two hundred and eighty pounds, fully willing to swing on you and give you a life threatening concussion for objecting to grabbing your girlfriend’s ass on her way back from the ladies room.  That is us.  That is America today.

There are lots of things, aspects of this reality that engender my bitter disgust.  The most profound is exactly how and without any care or compassion we execute such egregious and ridiculous madness with the currency of human life like it matters so little.  Pennies from heaven and dollars from hell.  Our four plus thousand dead and their hundreds of thousands dead don’t matter nearly as much as Dick Cheney’s buddies profiting like fucking pirates from the whole thing.  Profiteering.  Raping and pillaging both us and them.  I swear to you that if they lost a handful of thousands of lives and we lost hundreds of thousands, it would still be the same.  They would sell and we would buy the fear and it would be the same.  They don’t give a mad fuck because our military is nothing if not expendable in their eyes.  Because human life is currency to them.

Our men and women are free money and an absolute means to an end.  The end belongs to them and so does the means.

It is how they see it.

They should all be in prison.  They should all be waterboarded.  They should all be tortured and when it’s over, nail their gray bearded ball sacks to the floor, set the goddamn house on fire and give the bastards a dull knife to get away with.

God Bless America.

Afghanistan is the same deal.  Osama Bin Laden is dead.  So what?  Like he had anymore to do with anything than we did.  We made him.  We made Saddam Hussein.  Somebody tell me exactly what we’re up to and why we’re spending ten billion a month on this war while earnestly attempting to push Medicare and Social Security through the floor and into the basement.  Who’s brainchild is this?  How is it that any responsible American can countenance it?

Seriously, are you people new?  Are you retarded?  Was your nursery and crib painted with lead based paint?  Was the garage too close to your bedroom?  Why aren’t we in the streets when our very own people are dying tragically and violently for no good reason?  When hundreds of thousands who never wanted it and have no idea why there’s this sudden, lethal shitststorm, are facing death everyday?  When our veterans and mentally handicapped are living out of shopping carts and sleeping in cardboard boxes?  Or when our seniors or chronically ill can’t afford life sustaining medical care?  When our good and honorable soldiers are dealing death and destruction on a scale that I guarantee most, if not all of us, are ill equipped to comprehend?  Fuck me this is beyond stupid.  They keep ramming down our necks how broke America is and we keep spending the amounts of money it would take to fix it all every goddamn month on killing people who will never, ever be any kind of threat to any of us in any way.

Holy shit this is stupid, and so are we.

Sometimes I try to think about it and nothing happens.

I don’t wonder at all about why the rest of the world thinks we’re a bunch of ignorant, self obsessed jackasses without an ounce of compassion or self awareness.  That is precisely who and what we are.  We are dicks, losers and idiots.  How many actually took Donald Trump, the world’s most penultimate, most accomplished blowhard seriously as a viable candidate for president of the United States?  How many will actually entertain similar notions regarding Sarah Palin or Michelle Bachmann?  It’s looking more and more like both intend to run.  Both will end up as queens of fodder for comedians everywhere but what does it say about America when two such obviously brain dead bitches think they have a chance?  Don’t get me wrong, I can’t wait.  But really?  It, they, give me pause.

But I can’t wait because I still have a sense of humor.

So with all sincerity, here’s my toast for the fallen.  For the brave and unselfish.  I am sincerely sorry that your life was offered and given.  I can’t tell you how sorry I am about your missing limbs or that your blind or deaf or unable to process a thought or ever get a reasonable night of sleep.  I respect and admire your courage and commitment.  Thank you.  I don’t doubt you signed on with noble and selfless intentions.

Thank you.  And I’m really sorry about all of this.

It pains me to recognize that what you aspired to was never going to be what you hoped and thought it would.  What you were told and what you died for for was a lie.  It’s not your fault.  They lied to you.  Sixty years ago, men and women like you fought and died for very good reason.  Men and women like you did a wonderful thing.  You still did the best you could to be the best you could and you died trying to be the best you could.  You still died for your country.  Or now you’re an eggplant because of your country.  Your country has changed.  And that makes me sorry.  When I think about it and something does happen, my stomach rolls over and I want to puke and cry.  I am sorry to and for everyone who survives you.  All the people who now live without you or what you once were, with giant, gaping unfillable holes in their hearts.  I’m sorry and sad because sooner or later, many if not most of the people who survive you, will realize that you died for just south of nothing.

I hate that.  It breaks my heart, but it’s true.

What do I know?

I’m just a salesman.

Happy Memorial Day.

Drinks for my friends.

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