Rick Santorum is the great white hope

I was dwindling away the other day by noticing how much more grime my fingernails collect when I forget to cut them.  I’m eating as many bleu cheese dressing soaked salads as my gulliver can process.  Everybody vote for Rick Santorum.  Salads make me crap like a goose.  Sizzler’s salad bar in Culver City has a nice array of plants (fruits and vegetables), cheeses, dressings, soups, nacho pilings and deserts.  I love it there.  They have nice bathrooms.  I swipe the kiosk with my debit card, turn around and an attractive young woman or a smiling middle aged man hands me my tray including a receipt which qualifies me for the bread of my choice as well as extra plates and napkins.

These days I bring Greg Palast to read.  Total gumshoe retro contemporary, night stalker cheap suit.  He tells the truth and that makes him Gonzo.  I’ve been reading this guy for awhile.  Truthout.org

I try to read at lunch.  It’s my Zen.  What I do is scoop as much of the banana pudding off the top of the banana pile of vanilla wafer  bonanza at the desert bar, and garnish it with the syrupy berries meant for the flavorless soft serve.  I use the handle of the soup bowl to stop my new hardback from closing in the middle.

So anyway, what the fuck is up with this Republican primary?  What we have here is a room full of very pale primates.  It really is embarrassing.  They tear each other apart while angling for the lowest common denominator along with the richest bastards in the room.  They are confused.  So am I.  It’s the new normal.

Frothy Santorum says Obama is a “snob” for promoting academic achievement beyond high school.  What a dick.  Never mind it’s not even what the President said.  Then he picks a fight with a 48 year dead president, the most popular ever, a fellow Catholic, over the separation of church and state by saying the assassinated president’s speech on the importance of religion being personal made him want to puke. He’s made the man on dog argument about gay marriage and said that contraception foments immoral behavior.  Birth control equals irresponsible fucking in this man’s mind.  What an asshole.  The male equivalent of Michele Bachmann. Dangerous and crazy because he believes what he says.  Santorum milks his time beneath the proscenium as long as his voice echos.  He’ll write a book and get appointed to something.

Rick Santorum is a misogynistic, homophobic bigot.

Guy Smiley makes me cringe.  He’s it and Republicans know he’s going to lose, but he’s it.  He is the best they have and he is the most insincere, disingenuous, used car salesman to ever fly north of vice presidential.  He tells a story in the first person about some golden auto industry celebration he remembers from when he was about 4 or 5 that actually happened before he was born.  He has another story about his father marching in Selma with MLK that didn’t happen.  He sings too often.  Mitt Romney is the most shallow and out of touch candidate since George W Bush.

He’s an idiot.  Worst politician I’ve ever seen and the best Republicans have to offer.

Don’t worry; neither one has a snowball’s chance in hell.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, Obama would appear to have a better grip on everything except gas prices and the coming inflation.

I am cynical and paranoid but doesn’t this look infected to you?  It’s all a little too perfect isn’t it?

When Romney wins the nomination and loses his bid for the presidency, the hapless Republicans might probably jerk further to the right, dooming them in the eyes of the mainstream indefinitely. They are that dumb.  Their math will value Romney as too moderate for losing and therefore reason to revisit marching practice. Were Santorum to prevail, the GOP might actually benefit and move towards a more moderate stance.  Rick Santorum is our best chance for reasonable political discourse in this country and he’s a lunatic.

I understand that Santorum is mental.  Any family in this country with eight kids is automatically dysfunctional if they aren’t on a farm somewhere.  This guy is the real deal.  He means what he says.  That’s how I know he’s goddamn nuts.   Rush Limbaugh says what he thinks he has to.  He never even considers whether it’s true or not.  He doesn’t care.  Rick Santorum absolutely believes every batshit crazy thing that comes out of his weird foaming little rictus.

Yet he is our best hope.

We really need to help them go too far and nominate this douchenozzle Santorum so that they might understand just how too far they have gone.  Frothy will get crushed by a man that knows what he’s doing and the rounheaded might consider tacking towards the center if only too save the party brand. This clown show is titillating and hilarious but might still serve a purpose.

Obama will be President of the United States again.  It is what it is and it’s a done deal.  So Santorum is our best bet.  There’s absolutely no way he can win the nomination and if he does, liberals will all go on holiday.  And then maybe, just maybe, the idiots will understand shame.  The sky will open and they will begin to accept the theory of evolution and then discover that they are almost obsolete because of social Darwinism.

Then President Obama will stop pulling punches because the Republicans are now pussies and he doesn’t have to worry about getting re-elected.  He’ll show up in a cape and some ridiculous sandals and get shit done.

Rick Santorum for President of The United States of America.

Drinks for my friends.

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