Free beer and sex

I really don’t understand.  We have a president that has been asleep at the demographic for years.  He’s accomplished much but betrayed us handily.  The war on drugs.  In as much as it is a betrayal of African Americans as it is a betrayal of all Americans.  This tragic bullshit in the gulf and the painfully obvious consequences that will keep on giving.  Stocking his cabinet with the same fuckers financial that steered this huge boat into the berg.

And then there’s the alternative and this really chaps my ass.  The douche nozzle that is Willard Mittens Romney.  Guy Smiley.  Presumptive nominee.  Jackwagon extraodanaire.

Let me ask you something.  Honestly.  Do you really want this any way the wind blows, disingenuous, ridiculously wealthy blowhard running your shit?  This prickly pear cactus makes $20+ million a year and pays a lower, much lower percentage of that in taxes than you or I.  What sane, rational dumbass could possibly entertain the notion that this magic underwear wearing billionaire could possibly have his best interest in mind?

Nevermind heart.

How did we get here?  How is this even a conversation, much less a contest?

I want the pizza with the hot dog crust.  I hear Pizza Hut is behind some cheeseburger crust in Asia somewhere.  I saw a commercial and it looked to me delicious, notwithstanding the rather obvious calorically  cholesterol issues.  Who thinks about that shit when inhaling hot slices of cheesy goodness?  I like hot dogs.  I believe there should always be cheese on a hot dog.  And always onions.  Always onions.  Always mayonnaise and mustard.  Always.  It’s just not a hot dog without mayonnaise, mustard, onions and cheese.

I know a wine.  Ode to Turley Zin.  I got a call.  A fine zinfandel that is all cedar smoke, plum and voluptuous dry berries.  Then there’s that mouth feel thing.  The weight of it.  The fruit and the smoke. One bottle for now and one for later.  All I’ve ever tasted has been worth the price.  The woman is a genius.  It’s a hard bottle to find.  I afforded it.

Lavender mustard.  I don’t know yet.

There’s little doubt in my mind that this election is Obama’s to lose.

Polls are beginning to lean like trees in heavy weather in his favor.  The housewives and girlfriends.  The Latinos.  Kinda like those neat rows of trees in black & white footage from nuclear bomb tests back in the day before women dared speak their minds about their very own wombs while mankind had discovered how to destroy itself.

The flip top heads on television caution us to be vigilant and prepared, it’s gonna be close they say, but I just don’t see it.

Unless Americans are fucking idiots.

Like there’s no evidence of that.

Ted Nugent endorses Romney with an excoriating screed at an NRA convention.  Really awful stuff.  The Secret Service engages in lukewarm pursuit.  Whatever.  It speaks volumes for the Republican party that a hapless presumptive nominee like Guy Smiley would ever deign to seek the nod from such an insipid, ignoble dickbrain.  Terrible Ted was a decent guitar slinger in his day before being absolutely  eclipsed by a fertile and far more talented field of innovative pickers, pluckers, strummers and tappers.  I am merely appalled at his words.  I don’t anticipate losing any sleep over his intentions.  It’s an ironic beauty of the first amendment that allows shitstains like The Motor City Madman to open his mouth and remove all doubt.  It speaks volumes about camp Romney that they think an endorsement by this brand of “patriot” is somehow cool.

Fuck the NRA.

Volumes.

So yeah, it’s Obama’s to lose.

Here’s one tragedy that doesn’t seem to count for shit either way.

Ted Nugent and Barack Obama agree on one thing.  The prison industrial complex.  Both believe that their ardent supporters should go to prison for smoking pot.  Ted Nugent proudly proclaims he’s never used drugs and hates anyone who does, and loathes anyone who doesn’t own a gun with which to shoot defenseless animals.  Barack Obama admits using drugs and is rapidly outmatching the previous administration in the war thereon. More medical marijuana clinics busted, hassled and harassed than under Dick-in-Bush.  All this after an explicit promise not to pursue such innocuous matters.

Ted Nugent is an idiot of stratospheric jingoistic ignorance.  Our President is calm, cool and reasonable.

Why?

What the fuck?

What people don’t understand is that it’s not just big pharma that is threatened and vested in current policy but it’s big oil as well.  From efficacious treatment of pain management to plastics and textiles, owned and controlled by the pharmaceutical and petroleum cabals.  From sea to shining sea.  The dashboard of a Chevy Volt or your milk carton or your ice cube tray could be made from hemp you fools.  Our fear is fierce.

Both betray their followers; Nugent discards everyone who ever smoked a blunt and listened to his mediocre guitar playing and Obama,  with far more egregious cowardice, betrays his very own people who are disproportionately profiled, persecuted, prosecuted, imprisoned, vilified, and ultimately ruined by the profoundly absurd war on drugs.  America incarcerates more people per capita than any nation on earth and the most gargantuan sum to be had is the non-violent drug offenders.

Let me tell you a story.

A little over 20 years ago, I was in my hometown on vacation.  I found myself in the midst of an epic bender early one morning on a stretch of flat, straight blacktop between the town I grew up in and the the big city closest, traveling at a rate of speed that would have made a NASCAR amateur giggle.  I wasn’t driving, but we were fucked up.  Drunk and smoking dope like chimneys. Going so goddamn fast we didn’t know we were being chased by the cops from the town we’d just left.  After cresting the hill and slowing down into the town the three of us had grown up in, there were five or six police cruisers waiting for us, red lights angrily spraying the sagebrush and asphalt predawn.

Stupid is as stupid does.

Booked on felony possession in a state with draconian mandatory sentencing.  Remember, this was over twenty years ago.  All I had was my record company ID and a thimble full of shake in the bottom of one of those little Zip-Lock bags you buy  silver hoops in. They finger printed me and allowed me a phone call.  I had to tell my parents I’d been arrested for possession of a controlled substance.  It would make the hometown paper the next day.  They gave me an orange jumpsuit and plastic slippers.

My mother bailed me out after the banks opened.  The DA was a friend of the family.  It turned out okay.  I’m here to write about it.

Last weekend I had to renew my doctor recommended medical marijuana thingy.  I did that.  Then I went across the street to a place across the street from a recording studio I worked at for the better part of a decade and legally purchased an eight of Larry OG.

Having said all that, why would you still want this sycophantic, wankering, lying sociopath, used car salesman, clown car pilot as your president?

I’ll be voting for the sane guy, even though he’s kind of a dick.

Drinks for my friends

 

 

 

16 Responses to “Free beer and sex”

  • Veralynne:

    Great story, sad ending: no choice. Along with so many other freedoms and rights, we’ve lost our right to self determination and most importantly during this “season,” our right to choose our representatives. Do ANY of “our” representatives actually represent US? NO! They ALL represent the corporations as they are so well paid by the lobbyists to do. Since We, the People, have no lobbyists, the elections are rigged so that the powers-that-be select and install the cronies with whom they wish to play in the rigged game. Consequently, there is LIP SERVICE from our Repug in Dem clothing prez, delivered with charm, smiles and pretty words, but NO ACTION taken to benefit US! ALL ACTIONS TAKEN benefit only the corporations, to allow them to continue to make obscene profits, pay no taxes, receive tax REFUNDS and subsidies AND destroy the environment, our air, our water, our food, our medicines and our health care. IN NET EFFECT, we have just suffered through a Repug administration with a White House chock full of REPUG banksters and corporatists serving at the pleasure of a so-called Dem prez as they go through the motions and continue the illusion that we have a democracy. Our sons and daughters are being damaged and murdered in so-called “wars” which are actually invasions and occupations FOR PROFIT only–not political, not even for oil! Perpetual war is waged to provide high incomes for the corporations which serve them and the wealthy shareholders that benefit from the dividends earned on the investment of OUR tax dollars. Where is OUR share of the dividends?

    What we really need (short of all-out revolution) is a mass boycott of the election. Barring that, we need massive votes for third party candidates in order to send a message to the powers-that-be that we see through their bullshit. Sadly, too many people have been drinking the Kool-Aid and are in denial. They are stuck in the rut, thinking we still have their grandparents’ government, so they’re discussing old-school voting strategies AS IF they had any connection whatsoever to what the rigged system will produce in false results!

    The corporation-controlled government (otherwise known as fascism) that currently exists has no use for We, the People, which is why our so-called “representatives” do NOT represent our needs or wants in any way or make any effort to EARN our votes–they don’t need them! Those who agree to play the game THEIR way will be selected and installed as cronies. They don’t need our skills because they’ve sent away our jobs. They don’t need us as consumers because they’ve set their sights on the soon-to-be EIGHT BILLION people on the planet, many of whom are increasing their incomes in our old jobs in developing countries and can out-consume our measley 300 million jobless, homeless, whining Americans! That’s why they don’t care about our health, our food, our education . . . or anything. And it’s why they’re distracting folks with contraception and religion–those are the new “flag burning” that was the old distraction from the important social issues.

    Oh, well, what’re ya gonna do, huh? No one listened, but the Dirty Fuckin’ Hippies Were Right!!!

    • Michael Douglass:

      I can’t help but agree and disagree with you on every level. I too am in the grip of understanding that the average American is a pawn and powerless without our own lobbyists as opposed to our own elected representatives. We are neck deep in a plutocracy that stinks like a sewage treatment plant. You are absolutely right in that regard. I can’t blame you for sentiments so adamant.

      You’re spot on in pointing out that the culture war being waged on both sides is laser specifically engineered to distract all of us from what the real agenda is.

      However, as critical as I am of the current administration, it is important to point out that we have the most sincerely populist president we’ve had since Bill Clinton and before that, FDR. He’s accomplished more than you give him credit for in that aforementioned culture war and on the broader field of economic reform and fiscal responsibility in the face of reckless and illogical legislative obstructionism than we quite honestly had a right to expect. Someone supplied me with a metaphor, an analogy if you will, of progressives whining about the pony we were given as opposed to the unicorn we were promised.

      We would do best to remember to bear that in mind. To understand that voting is the first step. To understand that our job is not merely to elect but then to pressure and squeeze the bastard once he gets there to get what we want and deserve. Democracy is not pretty; it’s at it’s best when it’s this ugly if we continue to twist and shout.

      That’s where it starts. You have no reason not to vote.

  • Oh Duggy … they’re all dicks.

  • Gary:

    Excellent rant. :)

  • Whatever happened to good old wholesome family values like Wango Tango-ing your girlfriend to death for fun? Jumping all over that wang dang sweet poontang has always been the motto around our traditional family Thanksgiving dinner. Yank Ted, Crank Ted, but don’t bother to thank Ted. Oh the life lessons learned from the drug-free sage of the motor city. This guy truly has a coil of cocks in his brainpan, always has, always will. Ted Nugent for President. Yes revere Ted you republican stuffed shirts and dress suits, the Noodge was never in it for the drugs, he was only in it to bang and discard your daughters.

    • Michael Douglass:

      Awesome my old friend. I sent a link to this one to your pops. Didn’t think you’d have a problem there. Where’s my xmas present? I hope it’s art.

  • Joe G.:

    Great rant and also response to Veralynne.

  • Adrean:

    There is another choice, Ron Paul. Not a hair on his chinny chin chin would entertain throwing your ass in jail for a bit of shake. Also, he doesn’t speak out of his anus like the other two.

  • Michael Douglass:

    Whatever, he may have the courage of his convictions and I agree with his position on the war but just about anything else he says is batshit crazy and he’s a racist. He named his son after one of the biggest hypocrites in the history of literature. Sorry, but I wouldn’t consider his brand of compassion-less lunacy for a second just because I agree with him on two issues. Even a broken clock is right twice a day.

  • First off, Ted Nugent is a hypocrite of epic proportions. We all know the guy smokes weed. He’s probably toking while hunting for moose, or squirrel. I ignore him, because he talks to stay relevant. I saw him in concert (Damn Yankees), and he brought out his bow and arrow, and shot Sudaam Hussein right between the eyes. I had no problem w/ that. But, I did wonder why the poster wasn’t of Osama Bin Laden, instead.
    We have reached fascism, but not as much as the republicans would like it to be. They fight every bill from the democrats that come their way, as to not make Obama (and dems) look favorable. Obstruction is their middle name.
    As for the bankers/Wall Street, I am disgusted. I do disagree w/ Obama for that. The bailout, instead of criminal indictments for MANY banking officials, bothers me. And, the housing market suffered greatly, and we are recovering finally. Last year, new home ownership was historic. But, we’d never hear a republican admit that.
    As far as the wars, that pisses me off. Bush only wanted to capture and kill Hussein, in order to obtain control of all of the natural resources that Iraq has to offer. It sickens me, that not only did tens of thousands of American troops died, but innocent civilians. The disrespect for human life was rampant during the wars. I could go on for ever. You made so many good points, that I can’t even touch all of them.

    • Peggy Frigard:

      Peggy, I saw Damn Yankees in concert back in ’97 or ’98. They were great, too. But, as you said, Ted was toking it up on stage there, too. We all know the guy does more than just weed. Why else would he say such ridiculously off the wall things? He could be a Republican and a drug (other than weed) user.. He’s hypocritical, but that doesn’t surprise me. I used to think the “Uncle Ted” was cool, and entertaining because of his crazy comments.. it’s gotten old, and while I still enjoy his music, I can’t stand what he stands for.

  • Peggy Frigard:

    When I saw him in concert, Bush was ordering the military to hunt Suddam Hussein at the time of the concert. He had a huge pic of him right on stage. He took his bow and arrow and shot him right between the eyes. The audience roared. I saw them before 9/11, but after the World Trade Center bombing in ’93. Which Bin Laden was behind. Apparently, that wasn’t important enough. Iraq’s abundant natural resources were more important, than preventing more attacks in America.

  • Peggy Frigard:

    Sorry, my bad. Clinton was president. That might have been in early 2001.*

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