Archive for May, 2012

I gotta tell ya. What I really want to do is smash up a supermarket. I walk those long, peaceful aisles and I look at the glistening jars, the scrubbed and oily produce, and I have violence on my mind.  I’ve had this fantasy since I was a kid when we used to blow shit up all the time.  From baseball bats to sling shots, amateur bombs and sometimes shotguns.  A day of mayhem in a supermarket.  Show up early for pastries and juice.  Golf carts and liquor.  Afternoon sun lit sheen behind the arc of relish under fluorescents violenced by a hard swung axe.

A gallon jar of mustard exploding in golden rays of a twilight sun through thirty foot storefront windows facing west.  Huge jars of maraschino cherries slammed onto a bleach white aisle floor, glistening in the low glow of a sun settling below our hemisphere.

Admit it, if you could attack an empty Safeway with your buddies on a Saturday afternoon with a hillbilly arsenal along with a no host bar you’d be there in a heartbeat.  I sure as fuck would.

You know what’s sad?

That this election is thus far completely divorced from intellectual honesty.  There is not even mere resemblance to intellectual integrity.  The debate over who should lead our country and therefore, arguably, lead the free world by example, if not through sheer force of might and too often furious violence, is being waged on a field of rhetorical symbolism as opposed to intellectual responsibility.

I am proud of my President because of the position he’s taken.  I see the the issue of same sex marriage, of gay rights, as fundamentally in and of the context of civil rights.  I am absolutely certain that sexual orientation, gender preference, what sex you desire to fuck upon maturity, is inherent.  Nobody actually decides to be gay.  That’s as profoundly absurd as someone deciding at the age of  five or seven to want to get sexy with the first grade teacher with the huge knockers.  I don’t remember that decision.  It decided me.  It hurled itself upon me in ever greater heaps until I was thirty, maybe thirty five.  I had no choice and I’m still firmly in it’s grip. It’s sex, stupid.  It’s primal and carnal and meant to be.

No different than discrimination against women, minorities, the handicapped or anyone else actually born the way they are.  Born the way they are.  A matter somehow consigned to clueless, misinformed, ignorant and the indoctrinated of intolerance these days.  Always fueled by the inflamed.  Always fueled by religious indignation.

So in light of that, if you feel differently, with all sincerity and conviction, I say fuck you and your God.  Because that’s most of the impetus.  Religious intolerance.  I am absolutely sick of your shit and history will judge you to be abject fools.  Get the fuck out of my living room, get off my fucking TV, get out of my fucking life you goddamn mindless, drooling Christian heretics.  Hypocrites.  Tolerance my ass.  You people trade in judgment and hearsay.  All you motherfuckers should be taxed the same as the rest of us if for no other reason than you’re completely full of shit and you never, ever, fail to seize any opportunity to proselytize politically.  And you do so by threatening everyone within reach of your bullshit vitriol with the specter of some idolized and ridiculously cherished Santa Clause for grown ups.

I admit it’s completely genius.  If only because it works.  People are way dumber than I ever would have thought.

Look, whatever gets you through the night. No matter how stupid it means you are.

So please, by all means, keep it to yourself and shut the fuck up otherwise.

I’m a humanist.  I believe in humanity.  I understand that some people are good and some people are bad and it doesn’t have a damn thing to do with Santa or the Heat Miser.

“God is not some celestial party chairman” -Mario Cuomo

I will not apologize for my view that Mitt Romney is an an absolute idiot on so many more levels than just his belief in magic underwear and the fact that he gives all of his charitable contributions to a religious organization that maintained that blacks had no chance of divine holiness until the late sixties.  A religious organization that afforded copious filthy lucre toward African American males in California to subtract the right of Gay Americans to marry and enjoy the same rights as Heterosexuals in California, America.  They absolutely preyed upon a bias they knew to be nascent yet efflorescent.  These bastards decided to afford themselves multiple wives.  All decent men understand the fantasy as well as they understand the basic fact that it objectifies fully half of us.  And this dickhead who would be king tells us that The Gays don’t deserve to be treated the same as everyone else.  Not the same as you and me.  Less than.  Not the same.  Sick and shamelessly opportunistic.  The Mormons did that.  Mitt Romney says that.

He’s fucktard incarnate and if you vote for him you’re a soldier of spectacular stupid.

I will not apologize for that.  Mitt Romney is a colossal asshole.  He doesn’t belong here and that’s what I’m getting at.  All he has is this ginned up culture war.  This novocain, antibiotic resistant virus of a politician who has no position on anything except what’s convenient today.  This man who is intellectually bereft of any thoughtful notion or action, wants to lead you.  To pretend to inspire you.  And his stock in trade is to confuse you with this nonsense because he’s got nothing.

His own party spits a pubic hair off their collective lip before they invoke his candidacy.

This should be about the economy and if it were to genuinely be about just that, Willard Mittens Romney would taste his own blood on the playground of politics because he’s got nothing.  He’s an emptier suit than George W. Bush ever thought about trying on. They all stand around and entertain this badinage, but he is a phony.  A charlatan.  A used car salesman who fiscally rapes and pillages and seeks to wear it as an economic badge of honor while hiding from everything he’s ever done. I can’t stand it.

Can we just please focus on what matters instead of Guy Smiley delivering the commencement address at godweird Liberty University?  Can we please get beyond Obama’s princely conduct of making public that he has no object against same sex marriage?  It should be a given.  Evolved people want to know what happens next. I hold these truths to be self evident because the only time my 77 year old mother ever uses the word “fuck” is when the word “republican” is in the same sentence.

Stop.

Focus.

We don’t get better until we do better.

Drinks for my friends.