Archive for November, 2012

It really annoys me when I  dig behind my ear with an index knuckle and it smells like inexpensive cheese.  I scrub there with purpose.  I’m thorough.  I do public transportation and read.  I’ve already worked through all my Elmore Leonard and now struggle with John Updike because he was pompous as fuck.  I think Fitzgerald is next because I’m so mature now.

Nancy Pelosi needs to stop flashing that I just did too much blow grin.  She was ushering in all these new women legislators on the news and she looked like a poodle in the rain.  I hope she’s just excited.  It was kinda hard to watch.  I kept thinking she should breath more.  Stop laboring so hard between speaking, smiling and trying to be serious.  Barbara Boxer is way hotter and Feinstien is like a mother with her wisdom and patience. Dianne Goldman Berman Feinstein.

I cannot escape estrogen in my own house.  If you count the cats, I’m outnumbered 5 to 1.  I’m the one. One is the loneliest number.

I don’t count the cats.

What had happened was, they lost their ass.  Because they showed us their ass.  David vs. Goliath.  Kinda.  Goliath had a lot of money but was challenged intellectually.  David had his house in order and was lethally organized.  David had a ground game.  David had enough more truth to offer.  Just enough.  Goliath had plenty of money but failed to use it wisely, listened to a bunch of clueless analysts.  Horses asses.  Yo Yo champions. Red Rover.  Red Rover.  C’mon over.

Salt & pepper calamari and the seared ahi appetizer that day.  The Pinot Grigio wasn’t as good as I remembered it so I moved on to the  Factory for Ritz Martinis and lost my eyesight to bright monochromatic visions before the election was done much later that evening.  I had every intention of taking the following day off.

I took the day off.

The very word entitelement.  They wield  it as an accusation.  Gobsmacked  and panicked over their old white burlesque losing teeth and dentures in a trapeze act not just for supremacy of political policy but social policy too.  The ideal that an old white fuck in a suit or stupid golf pants is entitled  to more.  More than young.  More than the really old.  More than Women.  More than minorities. The more money, the less women.  Fuck me.

Talk about left behind.

Grover Norquist cracks open a full fuel Zippo on a wet turd in hell while uttering the word “poopyhead”.

This where we are.

As a result of all this we now know better who we all are and where we all come from and what many of us believe and just how absolutely out of our goddamn minds we all are.

Bigotry, homophobia, misogyny, all a fresh layer of strata beneath the dirty vanilla dusting of post election topsoil.  Aging ethnosaurs.  Fossilizing.  Courting extinction.  Wandering grasslands with big stupid ponderous necks.  Adjusting to being marginalized herbivores.  Starting to see their place in history and archeology.

Sociology.

It’s crazy.  They are exorcising Karl with a “K” Rove.  They are molting.  FOX News didn’t melt down on election night.  They just showed us their ass.  They didn’t know shit.  Duh.

My advice to you.  Avoid sex with Republicans.  It will be anger sex.  Grudge Fucking.  Sorry.  I’m kidding.  Sort of.  They are silly.  But so are we.  It’s become a cartoon.  Republicans do appear to have anvil proof heads.  But we can’t afford to forget our own pictures are being painted by other than Sarah Hannity or Rush Ingraham.  We get chumped too.

Republicans desperately need to rediscover how to to talk to the American electorate responsibly and honestly about the fundamental tenets of your father’s GOP.  Back when the party was responsible and accountable as opposed to this wild boar social fuckery that NOBODY likes.  You guys lost everybody but white dudes wearing Dockers and it’s only gonna get worse.  There was a time I respected Republicans.  It was before I was born, and it wasn’t that goofecock Reagan.  His name was Eisenhower.

If Republicans can’t step up and pull something off, Democrats will become the giant bleeding vaginas all Republicans would flee department stores from.  We’ve got to get this under control and the only way to do it is to get Republicans to stop being such douche bags.  Please stop being so adroit at milking the bull semen out of Wall Street.  You fuckers embarrass me.  You’re so good at it.  Get your shit together.  Progressives merely want to stop the redistribution of wealth that’s been going on for decades because of BIG FUCKING GOVERNMENT.

COOPERATION, like on Sesame Street.

77 million voters sat this out?

Drinks for my friends.

I think the dumb people of America hate the smart people far more than the outnumbered smart people hate the dumb people.

I walk this planet and look up at really high buildings that have been there for decades.  Sometimes I worry that the really tall buildings will reverse the laws of gravity.  They’re so high and onerous.  Huge and technologically threatening. I now live and work in buildings with three elevators each.  People still look down in the elevator but now have smart phones to actually look at. Allegedly fresh produce everywhere.  Fresh bread on the shelves.  Freeways.  Cars.  Buses. Trains.  Airplanes.  Appliances.  But then. Sidewalks buckle hilariously, many Americans cling to God and guns and fear that Muslims may be living in their midst.

Still, it occurs to me there are smart folks.

And we’re ensconced in selecting a leader for our people.

The fulcrum of the sale never rests on reason but always reclines on romance.

It’s true.

It’s everyone’s problem everyday.  No one can escape it.  We buy according to emotional jackwagonry.  Whether it’s a saddle and bullets or a yellow goddamn Ferarri.  Outside of groceries and telecommunication bundling, we buy to feel better about ourselves.  We want to believe we’ve gotten the best deal and oh by the way isn’t it beautiful?  It’s gold plated with precious gems and very functional.

This is how we prosecute the election of a man who will be hugely consequential, far beyond just the face of America to the rest of the world.

And we are tied.  The starkest contrast between candidates in a decade, maybe a generation.  And we can’t figure it the fuck out.  Tied between a perpetually grinning used car salesman and a constitutional scholar.  A guy who’s religion requires  vestments in the form of magic underwear.  A man who championed the Vietnam war with zeal while earnestly avoiding participation therein by hiding in the folds of his bullshit cult/religion while galavanting around France on a bicycle in shirtsleeves and tie, spreading the good word of a fucking lunatic.  His god lives on a different planet you know.  Scientists don’t know anything about it.  I think his religion is fair game because anyone who believes in a Santa in the sky should be subject to scrutiny.  They all gush about faith. It’s always embarrassing.  Jesus Christ.  Pun intended.    I loathe religion.  I would abscond religion in politics in a second but at least I get to make fun of it.

Obama has Colin Powell and Bill Clinton and Romney has Meatloaf and Ted Nugent.

I can’t believe it’s a contest.

I’m no Obamabot or Obamanot or whatever.  I just can’t bring myself to care about that shit.  The idea that we’re either liberal or conservative, Democrat or Republican.  It’s an indicator of just where we are.  Banks and financial institutions have had no better friend than Obama.  Unemployment remains over seven point eight percent while the stock market has doubled and not one of the bastards that screwed us is even sweating indictment much less a club fed vacation.  What I am is progressive and cynical. You don’t know cynical until your forties.  That’s when you begin to understand that most American voters don’t give a mad fuck about truth and justice, but instead are dying to be sold something. To buy something to make them feel better.  All so willing to stand in line for the proverbial bill of goods both men have ready.  They both lie and I’m sick of that.  I can’t stand it so much that it makes me think about it and feel bad whenever I lie.

My cynicism is not merely informed but rocket fueled by the bellicose ferocity the entire Republican party has dedicated itself to.  One astonishingly slow and short term thinking goal.  The destruction of a sitting American President.  I have never witnessed such hatred.  They have pursued it with a velocity that goes beyond flirting with financial collapse to a whole new low of courting the dissolution of the American middle class with such casual ease and aplomb that I am terrified.  I’m confident these people don’t give a mad fuck about you.

And yes, race has reared it’s ugly head.  I overheard someone say something like “sometimes Obama acts like a black man and sometimes he acts like a nigger”.  What the fuck does that mean?  If anything like that has ever escaped your lips, then you my friend are a racist goddamn pig and your only excuse is we live in a society that just might countenance such a remark without you getting punched hard in the mouth on the spot.  Like right below and between the eyes, above the mouth but just below the bridge of the nose.

Romney lies more.  A lot more and that’s why I don’t like him.  He’s a seasoned obfuscater.  It bothers me how good he is at it.  He lies without any physical strain.  Like a rug.  Although when he gets called on it, he winces in a way that makes me think he shat himself.  I just don’t get this guy.  Everytime he’s in front of a camera he’s nervous and weird and saying something completely different than the last time I saw him.  All politicians are full of shit but this guy is a world champion sociopath hypocrite, with role reversals on everything from health care to war and women.  A most accomplished purveyor of both simple and elaborate falsehoods.  A shameless sweaty liar.

His latest ad in Ohio proselytizing that he had nothing but good intentions for the auto industry and Obama was and is hell bent on it’s destruction.  That as a result of the stimulus for the American auto industry, Jeep was sold to the Italians and now they plan to ship thousands of manufacturing jobs to China.  Grand Pooh Bahs of both companies issued statements effectively demonstrating Romney as blind shithouse drunk or lying.  The ad was a lie.  Nothing about it is true.  Mittens has demonstrated over and over that he is willing to say anything, anything at all, counter to what he said just the day before, to get elected.  Wouldn’t even answer questions about FEMA while pretending not to campaign in Ohio.  While pretending to load donated goods donated by Ohioans purchased by his own campaign staffers.  Willard Mittens Romney is the biggest fucking liar to ever run for president of the United States of America.

If he gets elected, which version are we gonna get?  The moderate who got elected in Massachusetts?  The one who invented Obamacare?  The self described  “severe conservative” who won the clown car contest of the Republican primary this year by being more disingenuous than any of the rest of the crazies?  The suddenly renewed moderate robot Romney who showed up in the last two debates?  Or the absolute dick that selected an absolute dick like Ryan to win over all those absolute neo-dick Republicans who weren’t buying in to his absolute dick, don’t raise taxes on the the severely dickish rich fucks who control our country?  Which one?

Seriously?  Who the fuck is this guy and have you ever seen ambition without conviction so naked?

Still, it’s a contest.  Dead even in the polls.

Paralysis of analysis doesn’t begin to explain it.  Why is this happening?  One guy doesn’t suck but the other one is a natural disaster who belongs to a cult that really does believe in magic underwear and that is the sum total of what he believes in as far as we are able to deduce based on what he says between Tuesday and Wednesday.  Obama isn’t the second coming but this guy Romney keeps changing wigs, tilting his head and smiling in the same creepy way while reversing every single reasonable position he’s ever taken on anything at all to do with compassion or common sense.  I’ve never struggled with this decision.  His only consistency is in saying what he thinks might just make him electable over and over again. Over and over again.  Whatever he has to say.

He runs on magic that doesn’t exist and half of us are line for a ticket.

It really sucks that we are in this place.  I am disgusted.  This polarization, this divide that exists only on paper and not in the real world is proof that the grand distraction is working.  We are mesmerized.  The whole thing is working all too well.  The plutocrats and oligarchs waltz through our intestines and dance on our fracturing skulls.  Distraction has become our satisfaction.  It is working all too well.  As long as we are at each others throats we will continue to lose ourselves and our identity as Americans, our identity as one America.  A singular country.  Pride without prejudice.

We are all the same and always have been.

Instead we battle each other with a violence that just doesn’t belong.  I talk to conservatives everyday and at conversation’s end discover that we agree on most of it.  There is no “there” there.  Most of us are reasonable people no matter which side we’re on.  Am I the only one that knows this?

I lament the absence of a viable third political party in America.  In particular, I am profoundly disappointed in the Republican party’s inability to produce any serious and rational candidates for president going all the way back to the last decent and honorable Republican president.  Dwight D. Eisenhower.  America so desperately needs a sane and reasonable Republican party but has gotten nothing but partisan, demagogging losers for the last twelve years.  The only third party to enter stage left is the abominable Tea Party.  Give me a fucking break.  Gutter slash Rovian politics that are more about the lowest common denominator than anything else.  Money.  Money.  Money.  They have too much and those that fall in line don’t have shit and never will if only because they dance with who the one brung them.  I can’t help but hate that there is now but one relatively sane man standing between us and bat shit crazy policies and the intended consequences; incumbent president Obama.

Having said all that, what is up with the overtly pernicious voter suppression effort at the behest of all the Republican secretaries of state and governors in the swing states?  People in Florida and Ohio waiting eight hours or more to vote early.  It’s constitutionally mandated that we’re all allowed to vote in national election isn’t it?  Can we get Rick Scott on the phone?  I want to ask him what the hell is he so afraid of.  Democrats are proactive.  They like to get it done and out of the way.  And they’re lazy-more likely to get shit done on their own time.  Many of them are frustrated poor and really need to vote on the weekends, like after church.  Godluvem. The people who wait in these lines with indefatigable determination are heroes. They can bring their kids if they have to.  Former Republican governor of Florida Charlie Crist calls bullshit on it.  He says it’s voter suppression.  All I know is I see the the lines on the TV and there aren’t many white faces. They are afraid of the general population.  Scared enough of the people to rig elections.  What more can I make clear to you?

If you are still confused, I would invite you to piss up a rope.

If Mitt gets elected, we so deserve it.

Drinks for my friends.