Clusterfuck Revisited
September 17th, 2015 | 
Author: So I watched as much of it as I could stomach.
Almost the whole thing.
Actually, my DVR cut off the end of it and I found myself all little grateful.
Relieved.
I’d had enough.
Here’s what I learned:
The most important issue America faces today is the funding of Planned Parenthood. All them goddamn job stealing Mexican rapists is second. Third, America is being bullied by every country from Mexico to China so we need to spend even more money to somehow rebuild what is already the most powerful and well funded military the human race has ever seen. A globally celebrated deal with Iran to prevent them from enriching material to build a nuclear weapon is a deliberate betrayal of Israel that will inevitably lead to the apocalypse comes in at number four. Last but not least and a solid number five, is Donald Trump’s acuity for substance free ad hominem improvisation.
Also:
Carly Fiorina has poise, charisma, specifics and is completely full of shit. She won the debate for the biggest lie about a fully formed fetus, heart beating, legs kicking, being kept alive so it’s brain could be harvested. Unfuckingbelievable. Jeb Bush is a weak chinned wuss that thinks Margaret Thatcher should be pictured on American currency. Huckabee is a shameless theocratic zealot. Ted Cruz is becoming so transparent he’ll soon disappear. Chris Christie is the last dipshit in America who thinks marijuana is a gateway drug. Donald Trump will solve EVERYTHING by getting along with EVERYONE even though he’s a belligerent asshole. George W. Bush kept us safe because 911 never happened despite the aftermath, which was a bonus. Ronald Reagan, notwithstanding selling weapons to Iran for six years and flooding our inner cities with crack as well as presiding over the most indicted, arrested and convicted administration in American history, is virtually indistinguishable from Jesus by anyone running for president as a republican.
Rand Paul, despite being a hypocritical, plagiarizing, racist, was sane, sensible and compassionate on the issues of national drug policy and American aggression. It was the only fresh air all evening.
It was exactly the festival of outrageous mendacity and deliberate fomentation of fear appropriate for the level of emotional intelligence that has become the common denominator for the republican party as a whole.
Drinks for my friends.
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Republican candidates had the perfect opportunity to address pay inequity at the debate with the ten dollar bill question, but chose instead to send a very clear message to Americans: women’s issues are still a big joke to them. That’s not a “real” issue, like building massive walls or who has the uglier face. The receptive crowd seemed to agree.
I waited anxiously. How many Republican candidates would respond to name ONE iconic American woman to grace the ten dollar bill? A REAL response, I mean. Not their daughter, wife or their mother. Which Republican would elevate an American woman to such towering heights as appearing on one single denomination of our federal currency?
I held my breath waiting for the booing to begin with the first ingenuine response. It never happened, though I did hurl a few of my own profanities at the television.
When women address matters of rape and domestic violence, THIS IS WHY we’re forced to say, “What if this happened to your daughter… wife… mother?” These are the only women Republicans consider almost-equals. If a woman is not related by blood or marriage to a Republican, she’s fodder for jokes or smears, not deemed worthy of equal consideration.
What if the question had instead been directed toward naming a non-white for our currency? I’ve no doubt every one of them could’ve come up with at least a couple of names (hail Martin Luther King). But the majority of these men, even under public scrutiny, could not name *ONE* NON-FAMILIAL, AMERICAN WOMAN THEY SUFFICIENTLY RESPECTED. Think about that. They hadn’t even bothered to take any time to prepare for a question about equality.
‘Jeb!’ certainly couldn’t name his mother, after Mommy Bush’s statement about ‘another Bush in the White House’. She became a political cactus. He clearly couldn’t name his Latina wife. Not in the face of the GOP’s attack on immigration. Jeb! had to traverse the Atlantic Ocean to think of one woman he respected, suggesting we put Great Britain’s Margaret Thatcher on our money. I think Jeb! forgot that our nation was founded in objection to British taxes.
Kasich had to carry his Diogenes’ lamp all the way to India to find one worthy woman. He suggested we put Mother Teresa on our ten dollar bill. A woman whose charity is now considered questionable at best by many, and inhumane by more than a few.
(Here’s an idea, Republicans. Convert the ten dollar bill idea to a penny, put Nancy Reagan on it and then eliminate the penny. Problem solved, right? You’ve nodded toward women while making no effective change. Politically de rigueur.)
Meanwhile I’m left thinking: Pay equity would become an overnight national crisis if politicians earned 78 cents to the median American’s dollar…and it most certainly wouldn’t take decades to consider address.
Maybe that’s not such a bad idea…
Michael, I can’t watch-just can’t do it.
You captured the evening’s Zeitgeist (if you will…) better than any article I’ve read. Bravo!
As I write this I’m sitting here scared shitless and on the verge of projectile vomiting. It’s not the so-called candidates; I knew their level of intelligence and psychosis going in. The scary part is those people who took it seriously and are willing to argue their support of points made during this therapy session turned clusterfuck! I mean, really! I know we don’t have a critical mass of educated, psychologically grounded, spiritually whole people in this country I call Dumbfuckistan. But, dammit, do we have to make it so obvious?
Consider supporting the petition #ARRESTTRUMP and please read A 5 year old’s observations on the Republican debate
Peace,
So no surprises of any kind. As Vonnegut likes punctuating his prose with in “Slapstick,” Hi ho. As good as your favorites of Yup, and your ever-intriguing ‘See?’. These sham debates are so pointless that I’m at a loss for a simile. And in my opinion, your above synopsis is so spot on. Gonna need another round of drinks after that one…
Thanks! I needed some good laughter…
That has to be the funniest stuff I’ve read in a long time. I also agree with everyone. Yep, I’m a Democrat and how about a woman named Susan B Anthony on the $10 bill? If it wasn’t for her we women would probably be begging the men to let us vote. A few years back I heard Barbara Bush on TV say “when my husband was President I couldn’t voice my opinion but I feel and still do that women should have a choice on abortion. Should be everyone’s choice.” I agree and that’s my opinion. Thanks for all the great posts, I really enjoyed them.
I don’t understand why there is little mention of the fact that it seemed instead of wanting a debate it was more of a platform for CNN to get the candidates to fight. Reminding candidates what was said by another candidate and asking them to respond to them face to face. A childish and immature attitude for a third grader let alone people running for the highest office in the land. The biggest surprise was when the debaters called for questions about issues and were completely ignored. Where are the real “news” networks? People who will ask the questions that need to be answered? In the next debate I almost expect to hear questions about what their favorite movie is or their favorite color. I want to see the hard questions asked and the pandering to petty egos left at the way side.