I heard the news today.

Oh fuck.

Bloodiest month in Iraq since September of last year. It’s Iran’s fault, they tell us. It’s not that the surge is no longer working, they assure us.

It’s that it never did, I assure you.

Stupid idea. Too little. Too late.

A band aid applied with the hope it would staunch the wound long enough for Dick-in-Bush to make a getaway. It was a matter of time until the dam breached itself by an artery that just wasn’t able to contain the pressure of all that blood.

They don’t have another one.

In what may be the cruelest and simultaneously most hysterical whirling dervish of irony I’ve ever witnessed, our nation has an immediate and affordable solution to the shattered back of our fighting force. The numbers are somewhere between twelve and twenty million. It’ll be a little less logistically efficacious if we decide to build that stupid border fence, but still doable.

Just think, we could all sleep a little easier knowing that we’re finally justified in paying them a fair wage as well as covering their medical needs etc.

See, they’d be dying for us while we sleep and have barbecues on Sunday. Well, not us, but the military industrial complex.

Draft the illegals!

I feel comfortable playing the race card.

Not really.

In other news, our Little Bootlicker pissed all over a bill that sought to mandate equal pay for women because he feared the lawsuits that would emerge. Um, isn’t that the point asshole?

Don’t forget, Doubtfire is on record as in favor of permanent tax cuts to the wealthy while we are facing perhaps the worst economic disaster since the Great Depression. Rice is being rationed in America for fuck’s sake. He’s cool with us staying in Iraq for a hundred years and it explains it with the example of our presence in Germany or South Korea.

Anybody remember any American soldiers dying in either of those two countries in combat in say, the last three decades?

Both Shrillary and McCain are in favor of a moratorium on federal gas tax for the summer. Great idea. Profound and inspired despite it’s being another goddamn blatant and pandering populist band aid to demonstrate how they feel our pain.

Never mind the jobs and money lost to our highway and bridge repair infrastructure, it won’t save you shit.

Check the crab in a bucket metaphor from the last blog.

Another suggestion along the same lines would be a mandate that all children, everywhere walk to school. Not even parents can drive them. They must get there under their own power. Can you imagine the money that could be saved?

We should go back to making everything out of wood. Soft drink containers and dashboards and polyester pants for fat people as well as the the stylistically challenged. Lenses and guns and amplifiers. Imagine a wooden computer.

You could safely use Pledge on it.

Why, it’s a renewable resource.

In America, the lights are on, but nobody’s home.

How did we become the stupidest and richest country on earth?

Wait. I know

Lust and greed?

Beer?

Gin!

Tonight on CNN, Michelle Obama said of the Wright controversy, she was finished talking about it. as is her husband, and that the issue would only die when the media diegns to acquiesce. I shouldn’t be allowed to say it after that last sentence but. WORD.

Every once in awhile I wonder if we all aren’t just stupid enough to not realize we are pell mell towards either the sun melting us, or a demise of our own.

Like the sun melting us.

I can see the world on my plasma TV. I communicate with all of you via a MAC. I have hand held devices that I can talk to the world with or control the signals beamed at me from a satellite in orbit.

I don’t see much progress. So far, no big picture shared by a majority of our species. It’s still neanderthal. Set huge fires. Everyman for himself. Get yourself a woman. Bacon is good.

Drinks for my friends.

7 Responses to “I heard the news today.”

  • David Lee 3:

    The experiment is failing.

    I’ve called the motherships in, they will be here in less than 8 nars (a little less than 5 of your earth years) to wipe the slate clean.

    Head for a cave in high ground is my best advice.

  • Trueblooded:

    Mr. Admin:
    Once again, prove yourself as well as your whole left-wing ilk as nothing more than a bunch of holier then thou elitist fucks.
    Fuck you and your assertions of high and mightiness.
    Newsflash asswipe, you are not better than anyone else.
    You and your ilk are the reason why this country is so fucked up.
    You and yours refuse to drill for oil, refuse to allow any new refineries to be built, refuse to believe that Muslims want to kill us, refuse to believe the illegals are ruining the whole social infrastructure of this nation, refuse to believe that this nation, the USA is the one and only hope of mankind on the planet and instead, bestow that mantle on the UN and you want to put in place the most dangerous and psychopathic person since Mao to be president of the USA who will in turn, grind his totalitarian heel of Marxist egalitarian cast of left-wing terror into the very heart and soul of this nation.
    Fuck you. Fuck all of you Obamma-Nation supporters.
    Bacon is good motherfucker
    As for the “Mothership”?, well see the above.
    You are all so full of shit.
    Fuck you and fuck your no good leader MFJ crack head Obamma-Nation.
    James Earl Ray, you are needed now more than ever.
    Obfuscation eschewed yet again motherfuckers!

  • suzie Q:

    @Trueblooded: Not only are you a motherfucking asshole, you’re spiritually retarded.

    A very wet fart in your direction.

    Sicko.

  • Trueblooded:

    Suziie Q

    I think your hot too.

  • suzie Q:

    Oh, you dig good cock, TB? Interesting, for a homophobic slime bag like you–Typical closet homo rightwinger fuckface. Such a moron.

  • Tony:

    Drill for oil in ANWR? Brilliant idea. That’ll stave off the inevitable oil crash for a few more years. After that we’ll still be living in the Stone Age. Do economists have a chart which demonstrates what happens to demand when the supply crashes to absolute zero? I’m sure the gist of the idea is in an economics text somewhere.

    Did I say Stone Age? We’ll be lucky to be that technologically advanced. If we don’t nuke ourselves all to hell first. My money’s on the latter happening.

    Civilization? Fuck, all we’ve done in the past ten thousand years is figure out how to devise bigger and better sticks with which to beat people over the head.

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