Sometimes I got nuthin

My cat has been peeing on me lately. Seriously. She sneaks behind while I lean forward on the couch working the keyboard and performs a hot moist drive-by on my lower back. She’s in heat, Got to get her fixed. She’s crazy like a shithouse rat and I’m a broke ass procrastinator.

I’m disgusted but it cracks me the fuck up.

You can’t actually expect to communicate consistently and effectively with any given cat. They really just choose to understand what is in their best interest. They love and understand you with laser accuracy. If you’re confused because Einstein Feline can’t be taught some basic thing, ask yourself who benefits. The answer will be you and there’s a good chance you’ll never get your way.

If you’re looking for the upper hand, get a damn dog.

She’s very petite girly girl with the longest tale to body ratio I’ve ever seen. It touches her face. Wouldn’t be suprised if she was under six pounds. Outstanding jumper. Bed to the top of my over six foot bookcase with the grace of a flying squirrel.

She trots into every room with the urgency of feline curiosity and a dancing tail.

Le Chat Noir.

I’ve got several plants and a young ficus about to expire on the balcony because of heat and laziness. When it comes to phlegmaticalness and brutal temperatures, I try not to move much. Pretty cool word huh? I avoid exertion and soup. I love soup and adore soup weather.

This is not soup weather.

Now is not the time for soup unless The Fish makes it. She understands completely.

This is gonna be a brutal season and I intend to lay low.

I’ll try to maintain some focus on this election I suppose, but I’m thinking of a good Rose’ and some barbecue.

Gotta get me some popsicles and creamsicles.

Just so you know, I don’t like most people. I’m an elitist, in that I think most people are douchebags.

I have one of the world’s most impressive handblown marble collections. I’ve sold more glass penises than anyone else on earth. Therefore, I know about as much about glass as any layman can.

I’m somewhat of an expert on music and sound. I have a bullshit degree and worked as an engineer/producer for a decade or so. I was pretty good at it.

Now I sell an intangible. This pleases me if only because stock and inventory are no longer a factor. They’ve been this grown man’s nightmare for years.

I’ve gotten word that someone who owes me a shitload of money is going to pay up soon. That makes me smile.

I’ve almost finished the first draft of my first novel. I imagine that there will still be a lot to do but it’s a good tired. I have a friend with multiple impressive writing degrees and she has pledged to work through it page by page with me. How fortunate can a dipshit be?

“I’ve seen things you people wouldn’t believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. I watched c-beams … glitter in the dark near Tanhauser Gate. All those … moments will be lost … in time, like tears … in rain. Time … to die.” -Blade Runner

Life is crazy and I often wonder if I’m conducting mine responsibly. Correctly. I have no idea but I’m confident I can do much better.

I think I want to see the sun on the ocean.

I like girls a lot. I like boys too, but in a different way. I’m ok with it. I’m pretty sure I was born that way.

It’s been a while since I expressed my fondness for any cheese product in any kind of jar, plastic container or can with a nozzle. Let me tell you that they are among the products I’d miss the most on a desert isle.

No bacon or pork would really suck.

Wild Boars, heh.

Beans, onions, pasta, tomatos. I simply cannot afford to get stuck in any remote or abandoned place. It’s ok. I’m making a note. It won’t happen if I take a note.

By the way, who exactly does Jesus save?

I learned today that our own solar system is dented. Not symmetrical. From probes launched by NASA in 1977:
“Voyager 2 hit the southern edge of the solar system nearly 1 billion miles closer to the sun than Voyager 1 did to the north. Voyager 2 hit the edge at 7.8 billion miles from the sun.” -Yahoo News

Apparently, what lies at the end of our solar system is something called the “Heliosheath”. This may be the coolest word ever, naming the coolest thing, “the thick edge of the solar system”, I’ve ever fucking heard.

I want to be a superhero named, Heliosheath.

A few weeks ago I found myself in a place where I was the only white male. I didn’t think twice about it. I’d been there before. I’m a people watcher gawker. So I just stared at everyone the same as I would regardless. They didn’t seem to mind. I was with my girlfriend, she is of the color and on the pot. She thinks my nappiness is suspicious and that walking in to a place like that with her gives me the benefit of the doubt.

They assume I’m mixed. I’m honestly starting to think I am. Fascinating. I just want to know.

I just went in and cracked her on the ass a few times.

I’m not sure it would be wise to say more.

Drinks for my friends.

4 Responses to “Sometimes I got nuthin”

  • the fish:

    I made gazpacho last night and will be busting out some avocado soup before the weekend’s over…

  • the fish:

    Oh, and let that ‘mixed’ idea go…your lack of rhythm and your flat ass makes that a near impossibility.

  • Well….since I’ve moved into my new apartment one of my cats Miss Parker leaves a very large turd right outside of the litter box at least once a day.

    I think she’s expressing her displeasure from all the activity that went on while we were moving.

  • dr. zot:

    Jesus saves his nickels and dimes. he is saving up for something special.

    “page by page” – hm. I believe I actually said chapter by chapter so let’s not get our hopes too high, alrighty? but that offer does still stand. unfortunately I believe my writing degrees may have expired.

    xoxo

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