Debatey debate VP freaky styley

This following portion of tonights blog is written live:

I find that realtime graph alternately compelling and distracting. Chicks vs. Dudes. It’s interesting when and where they converge and diverge. I wish I could turn it off though.

She’s doing well. She lies but she’s composed, articulate and informed. Biden’s facts are far more in order. He spanks her on Iraq.

She’s poised and pivots well. Biden’s jabs are stiff with facts but that’s as hard as he swings.

Fuck me, she can’t pronounce “nuclear”. Just like Dumbya. Hate us for our freedoms. Sheezus. Interesting how she flatlines on the graph here. She can’t compete with Biden on foreign policy.

I hate this Israel shit. We are paying in spades for our support of Israel. This teacher’s pet shit has to end.

If she says the word Maverick again, I’m going to punch my own ballsack. I can’t get get past that she can’t say nuclear.

She’s clearly been to school since she hung with Couric. Tempe been berry berry good to What’s Her Name. Her folksy schtick makes me want to crap a greasy rodent. She swerves and ducks. She even milks McCain’s P.O.W. history.

She says “team of Mavericks”. I punch myself in the balls so hard, I projectile vomit with a volume and velocity so volcanic that my cat’s flee and building security rings my doorbell like a claxon. I rip the door open festooned with my own gastrointestinal gore. They wrestle me down on my kitchen floor while I scream incoherently about nuclear debates.

I punch the older one in the mouth and feel bad. He looks a little like my new boss.

During this time, Biden parks one with sincerity while talking about his personal life. She talks in circles and soundbites and Biden plays smear the queer with the maverick thing. Fucking excellent. Do I have to punish my balls again?

He’s finishing strong and he smokes her as they approach the line. He speaks from the heart and that’s why we likes us some Joe.

She closes strong. Well done. A little cheerleaderesque………still, not bad.

Biden gallops. He beats her by a length.

The following portion of tonights blog is retrospective:

Race to Biden, but it was closer than I anticipated. Not close. Closer. She did better than I’d hoped. She held her own but was below her paygrade most of the time, particularly in the second half.

Begala said it best. Biden was there to hammer McCain and contrast him with Our Man’s policies and priorities. Palin was there for damage control. Both pursued with skill and executed.

Here’s the rub. One of these goals is not like the other. One of these goals just doesn’t belong.

A financial structure buckling, two wars and more on the way and and a Presidential running mate trying to make up for not being able to even think of a relevant periodical or a Supreme Court decision a month before the vote.

Biden was disciplined and on message. Restrained? Yep, he could of disemboweled her, he just smiled and stayed on the road. There were a few times the camera caught him with one hand on the wheel and the other thumbing an impressive antler handled hunting knife. There was that twinkling sound coming off his teeth.

Once I promised to shower and change my clothes, the security team that fought me to the tile forgave me for mixing my metaphors and decided to hang out and drink. Their walkie talkies are annoying. They seem like nice guys. Not very intimidating, I mean it took all three of them and they still couldn’t get the plastic cuffs on me.

Nice job Joe.

Drinks for my friends.

9 Responses to “Debatey debate VP freaky styley”

  • Betty:

    Biden was really holding his anger back. He did well, did great, if he’d just off the Israel thing 🙁

  • Dammit! My DVR erased the damn thing, so now I’m trying to scramble to find a copy online!!!

    I need Guinness……

  • admin:

    Sheezus! You missed it?

    Betty, agreed!

  • kmart:

    LMFAO! I want to punch myself in the balls every time she says “Maverick”. Brilliant! And “Newk ya ler”. I’m so glad you mentioned that. What a tool.

    Binden was great. Factual, well spoken, he had the numbers! I don’t recall her ever quoting one statistic. Her cutesy little winks and her darn tootin’, oakaly doakaly, hockey vagina slang made me want to crap out a greasy rodent too! What a douche.

    Her stupid bangs doing a little dance with her eyelash for the first 20 minutes of the debate was equally annoying.

    I really want her to go away. I just might consider suicide if they get into office. I can’t deal with a “dumbya w/ tits” for 4 more years.

    Nice commentary Mike. udda man!
    and as always, Cadillac rocks no salt.

    Kmart

  • admin:

    Thanks Chev! My balls are sore.

  • Metis:

    I won Palinbingo.com! You should have played it. Bingo gave the whole debate another absurd layer.

    Look if I can sway my accountants mind I know we have it won. She’s being swayed more and more. We printed out bingo cards for her and yes she played. Palin did ok, but Biden really captured her- more so than Obama. I’ll take what I can get…

    Just had two Margarita’s but you know if your pouring a good single malt…

    Metis

  • Solsarosso:

    You crack me up. I thank you for this with utmost sincerity. “Her folksy schtick makes me want to crap a greasy rodent” ?? That is some damned funny shit.

    Aw Gosh well Mike ya knoo, up there in Alaska we talk about these things around the kitchen table, ya betcha we do Doggonit!

    Jesus! The Nuclear thing was making my head spin too! I’m glad I wasn’t the only one.

    The way I see it, she set lowest of low expectations in hopes that everyone would be wildly impressed when she didn’t screw up epically. It didn’t work. She didn’t fall on her face. That was as impressive as it got for me.

    Joe Rocked. Hard. I love him.

    That thing at the bottom of the screen drove me crazy too! I couldn’t stop looking at it. Notice how it went way down every time either of them talked their requisite smack?

    Another glass of Valpolicella, please! Cheers.

  • Solsarosso:

    Oh – How fucking brilliant was it when Biden called out Cheney??? Methinks it was almost my favorite part.

  • admin:

    Aww thanks. Valpolicella and a single malt and here we go.

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