The age of reason

“Say baby, do you wanna lay down with me?
Say baby, do you wanna lay down by my side?
Baby, do you wanna lay down with me?
Say baby
Say baby

Say baby, do you wanna lay down with me?
Say baby, do you wanna lay down by my side?
Baby, do you wanna lay down with me?
Say baby
Say baby” -Primus

The day is upon us.

You woke this morning and by days end, the world will be different.

Regardless of the result, history will happen to us all.

I’m just trying to get some pot so I can watch the returns in SENSURROUND.

I can’t help it. I’m all aflutter. Veklempt even.

It goes without saying that if you don’t vote today, I’ll come down your chimney and stab you in the eye with a rusty fork.

If you’re a good Democrat, a responsible progressive or an honest liberal and you somehow manage to avoid the polls today, I will blind you with my fork and turn that fork on your car. Your rootbeer colored Ford. If I have time and enough mud, I’ll crap at your main entrance. I will leave a pile or nothing at all.

If you’re a dipshit conservative mindless Republican, I’ll be by tomorrow with muffins and juice. After all, that’s your day to vote because you’re so goddamn special and elite. Yes, just avoid November Four, the day my rent becomes delinquent. You’re a member of the ruling class. Who would deny someone of your stature a little next day action? No lines. No hassle.

Just sit this one out. Seriously. You’re not needed here. Not this time. We’re fine without you. You’re covered. No one will know. Don’t risk the hair on your knuckles.

My apologies. I had every intention to impart a sober and thoughtful message.

Finnegan begin again.

***CNN has just projected Barack Hussein Obama as the next President of The United States***

Salty water spills down my face and over my shit eating grin.

What we have here is a successful communication. The real deal. A man who’s intentions are good. Strong and confident. Steady. Calm. Intelligent. Resolute.

What we have here is a lanslide. A majority, an aggregate of Americans have spoken with a very clear voice. Resounding. Overwhelming. A mandate. We are saying we’ve had enough. Finally. En Masse. Finally.

I honestly don’t know what to say. Yep, the polls have been going our way, but it was such a long shot for so long. I’ve confessed before that I didn’t think he stood a snowball’s chance in a weapons foundry. Until this year, I had no reason to think I was wrong.

He just kept coming.

Then he impressed us. Over and over.

Instead of a mea culpa over Reverend Wright, we received a most sensitive and scholarly treatise ever afforded a national audience on the subject of race. Delivered by a man half black, in a way that compelled every thinking man to think.

It’s not that I didn’t like him. I just didn’t think he had a chance and I was overly protective of my political sensitivities. I can be fragile you know.

I was afraid America would come to covet a blowtorch after the seas we’ve been forced to sail. A firebrand blowhard capable of nothing but recklessness.

True to form, we flirted with disaster. A cranky old man on the verge of dementia and a woman so ill prepared as to force prominent stalwarts of her own party to flee braying nonsense with fear and confusion in their eyes.

Could the blackhats possibly have fucked this up any worse?

Nope.

It’s Comedy.

Comedy is not pretty.

Good comedy is always ugly. Always. Always funny as fuck though.

The eve of hope. Not merely hope, but anticipation. We now expect and have the right to anticipate change. A change in the way the world sees us. With luck, a change in the way we see ourselves. Not red or blue. Not clinging to one ideology while in disgust of another. A collective of independent Americans with a common concern for the welfare of us all.

“We the People of the United States, in Order to form a more perfect Union, establish Justice, ensure domestic Tranquility, provide for the common defence, promote the general Welfare, and secure the Blessings of Liberty to ourselves and our Posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America.”

Fucking A.

A triumph over racism, bigotry and ignorance. Arms wide open. Instead of a step, how about a running jump? Perhaps a little too awesome?

We need to make it an aspect of our culture that he who would harbor unfounded bias be ashamed and shunned. This, so the rest of us can get on with it.

America will never be one. Not one thing. Not one idea. Not one people.

Having said that, it’s not so exclusive for us to move in concert. Tonight is proof. There is a considerable chasm between nationalism and patriotism. We have moved together to refute the bullshit visited upon us for the last eight years. The American people are done with this shit. THIS SHIT. Is over.

The numbers are formididable. Decisive. Impressive.

It is time for patriotism. It is one thing to vote for the man. It’s entirely another to stand behind him. Time to get on your feet people. The worst is yet to come and resting on your knees won’t do.

There will be a Democratic House and a Democratic Senate. There will be a Democratic President. The window to turn things around opened today. It could close in a mere two years if we’re not careful. Understand, this victory only guarantees a seat at the table. We will be allowed to play. We will have some juice. That is all.

We must play well and with purpose. Change will commence once we’ve held our own for a few seasons.

I’m rambling. What I’m trying to tell you is that nothing ends today. Everything starts. Now is the best time to be not an individual, but an American. It begins today.

“Ill walk right out into a brand new day
Insane and rising in my own weird way
I dont want to be the bad guy

I dont want to do your sleepwalk dance anymore
I just want to feel some sunshine
I just want to find some place to be alone” -Everclear

What has happened here is the best man won.
Yes, he’s black.
He didn’t win because he’s black.
He won despite being black.

He kept the color of his skin from being an isssue by making it about the content of his character.

Here’s the deal. He’s so fucking cool.

Drinks for my friends.

19 Responses to “The age of reason”

  • Fuck you Mike:

    Well, I guess we’ll have to see how he does now.
    I don’t like him and never will.
    But that being said, he’s the president now.
    I cannot in good concience say fuck him. I only feel it in my heart but I will not and I urge evry angry americain like myself who is truly knows who this Obamma guy really is to try and give the support that is needed now to this new president. But watch him, keep tabs on him, write letters, keep fighting the concervative fight and don’t let him ruin this nation.
    Like it or not.

  • solsarosso:

    Dear “fuck you mike”,

    It’s Obama. O B A M A.

    One M.

    Get used to it.

    Dear Real Mike,

    Yeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaah baby!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We did it!!! Woooooooohoooooooooooooooo!!!!!!

    Champagne for everyone!!!

  • Kim:

    It’s a GREAT DAY!!!!

    More Champagne please.

  • kyra:

    It is a wonderful day for all. God bless the UNITED States.

  • Kelly:

    I’m feeling something like irony that here in the capital of the Confederacy, Virginia, we just put on our stamp of approval for a black man to be president of the United States. Amazing. If not a resounding blue, perhaps definately a nice shade of purple. I’ll take that for the time being. I finally feel like I recognize my country after a long time.

  • rainrapper:

    We have a rockstar for prezident. And I’m just so nude! We needed a break from that horrow show, called Dicknbush so bad. Were home again, then we toll the long road because there is much work to be done. Peace and Liberty will need to be rewon step by step, we now realize a struggle will be required of all of us on a daily bases. Gimme’ back my bullet!

  • the_kcar:

    Watched it last night, dumbfounded, as well…I had never thought I would see the Day.

    No time to rest on our laurels, we have two years to hold up our end of the bargains…

    Those who have voted, have the right to bitch if the people in their offices fail to responsibly carry out their duties – those who have voted have a voice which carries louder than those who have not.

    Still…it’s nice to see that America has Spoken!

  • Kmart:

    Yeah bud!

    I can’t believe it!

    I thought for sure the neo-con, evangelical, right-wing, elitist, scumbags would steel the election.

    Wow!

    The Dems won by a landslide. It wasn’t even close.

    I thought McStain’s speech was sincere.

    Thanks for all the great commentary over the past couple of years. Brainspank rules!!

    I’m happy to announce Kucinich was re-elected as well!

    There is much to celebrate. Campaign for all!!

    Love and peace always:)

    Chev

  • If you would’ve told me this two years ago, I would’ve laughed in your face, that a black man with a foreign sounding name would be President of the United States.

    If you would’ve spoken to me a few weeks ago, I still would’ve been a bit cynical, because I just knew, just KNEW that the Republicans were gonna FUCKING STEAL the election….

    When I was watching the Daily Show “Indecision 2008” and Jon Stewart called it at 8:01 pm that Barack Obama was President Elect….I still didn’t believe it…until I saw McCain’s concession speech….then I ran around my apartment jumping up and down like I had no sense at all…while my poor cats hid under the table probably thinking to themselves “she’s done lost her goddamn mind!”

    It’s all come full circle…I’m hoping it will only get better.

    As for Fuck You Mike…Bush fucked it up every President that succeeds him…we’re not gonna let anybody else get away with shit!!!
    Let go of your fear…that monkey on your back must be fucking uncomfortable….

    As for his win…the whole fucking world was behind him!!! People in China, Kenya, England, and other places were cheering his win!!!

    Congrats President Obama (and it has such a nice ring to it too!!!)

  • If you would’ve told me this two years ago, I would’ve laughed in your face, that a black man with a foreign sounding name would be President of the United States.

    If you would’ve spoken to me a few weeks ago, I still would’ve been a bit cynical, because I just knew, just KNEW that the Republicans were gonna FUCKING STEAL the election….

    When I was watching the Daily Show “Indecision 2008” and Jon Stewart called it at 8:01 pm that Barack Obama was President Elect….I still didn’t believe it…until I saw McCain’s concession speech….then I ran around my apartment jumping up and down like I had no sense at all…while my poor cats hid under the table probably thinking to themselves “she’s done lost her goddamn mind!”

    It’s all come full circle…I’m hoping it will only get better.

    As for Fuck You Mike…Bush fucked it up every President that succeeds him…we’re not gonna let anybody else get away with shit!!!
    Let go of your fear…that monkey on your back must be fucking uncomfortable….

    As for his win…the whole fucking world was behind him!!! People in China, Kenya, England, and other places were cheering his win!!!

    Congrats President Obama (and it has such a nice ring to it too!!!)

    I’ll have a White Russian….I’m fucking adventurous this evening!!!

  • Ooops…my computer had a brain fart…

  • Janice:

    I’m pouring a Wild Turkey mixed with pomegranate diet Hansen’s soda and typing one-handed.

    One giant leap indeed.

    McFeeb’s choice of Sarah Palin was absolutely horrifying. I think “Dumb Cunt” would be a compliment.

    My Republican friends/co-workers were a little subdued today so I offered them hugs.

    I’m giving my democratic friends free blow-jobs…yes…even the women.

    Time for change indeed Mr…errr…uh…President Obama.

    I just wish George Carlin was around to see this shit.

    Oh and to Mr. “Fuck You Mike” — You’re supposed to clip the gerbil’s nails before inserting them. Write a note and paste it on your fridge next to the “I ‘heart’ drag queens” bumper sticker.

  • Janice:

    I’m still trying to figure out what Repubs like “Fuck You Mike” are so afraid of.

    Seriously.

    Do you think Obama is going to strip off his suit, don a towel, grab his crotch and scream, “Jihad motherfuckers?”

    What on earth do you mean my “We know who he really is”?

    Why didn’t you keep tabs on Dubya or Cheney? They are about three steps down from Hitler and Mussolini. How can you not see that??????

    I’ll tell you who he is. He’s a man who loves his country. He’s fucking WAY smarter than Mr. “C” Student – George Bush. You don’t get to be in charge of THE FUCKING HARVARD LAW REVIEW by being a fucknuts.

    OK…I’ve been up for two days. I’m going to bed to dream of equality for all.

    ‘night, ‘night!

  • Janice:

    OOPS! I meant “What on earth do you mean BY “We know who he really…

    …ZZZZZzzzzzzz.

  • David Lee 3:

    With all the things that go wrong and are wrong, it sure was nice (shocking even) to have some things go right for a change.

    To the “conservatives” who cannot believe it — get the over it… And consider that it might actually be a shitty thing to be a racist prick like most Repugnic*nts are (if only in private among “their kind”).

    Janice, I kinda wish Obama WOULD freak out these dipshits, just for giggles. Maybe put on a turban – turn around real fast and dance a crazy jig,.. do that,”li li li li li li li li” jihad thing real loud.
    Too many heart attacks would occur though as not all members of our species possess the gene that helps them identify satire.

    Me? I’m gonna dance to James Brown songs for about a month. I wanna have a funky good time… POPCORN!!!

  • Fuck you Mike:

    As to who Obamma really is.
    He is a racist white hater just like his heros Louis Farrahkan and Rev. Wright.
    He is a Marxist like his heroes Sal Alanski and Bill Ayers.
    He against the consitution.
    He dispises this country as does his miserable wife.
    In short he is not a good man but a man of poor character.
    Bush is going to be a picnic compared to this assclown prick.
    If you think Bush is like Hitler or Mussolini, that is a choice that is under-informed and based from a perspective of historic ignorance.
    I and many of my political and historic pursuasion am dissapointed with Bush.
    But a United States of the socialist colloective is not a good thing.
    You all will get exactly what you asked for but then again the majority of those who voted for Obamma are in fact Marxists and for the rest of us, just wait and see. Obamma wantsa a “Civilian secruity force” which he wants funded as much as the US armed forces. Direct quote from Obamma.
    While it is alluring to make comparisions to Hitler and all I will not.
    But the fact remains a “Civilian security force” that has the firepowre of the US armed forces is a really sobering thing to ponder.
    Like i said, you think Bush was bad? You all ain’t seen jack shit yet.

  • admin:

    You’re very close to crossing a line. Stick to the facts cite sources and you’re golden. Any more of this shit and this will your last post on my blog.

  • To Mr. Fuck You Mike —

    “One of us…one of us…one of us…one of us…one of us…one of us…one of US!”

    Heh heh…

    You got in trouble! You got in trouble! Dad’s (The Admin) is gonna get the belt when he gets home.

    P.S. I love you “David Lee 3”!!!!

  • Hey!!!

    Is he (Fuck You Mike) that same dude that was like 19 years old and lived on the East Coast that used to pester you on myspace? Was his name Jeff or something?

    The constant misspellings are a dead giveaway.

    The rhetoric sounds identical.

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