Poundcake

Biscuits and gravy baby.

Glazed ham. Mint Jelly and foul smelling lamb. Men in porkpie hats and seersucker jackets.

People who refuse to understand.

Me, I like to plumb the depths. Best way to go. People are always interested in the bottom. As am I.

Because I can’t stand it. So many men are boys and that confounds me. Dumbya is one bewildered little boy. He had no idea what he was getting into and no doubt he’s not even remotely cognizant of the damage he has wrought. Absolutely tragic.

I could tell you things. Crazy shit. Fishmongers. Surgeons. Sausage kings. Cigar aficianados. Whistle punks and excellent shovelers.

Sometimes I like to pile on, make something out of nothing, call a spade a goddamn spade. Always ends up being the absolute truth.

I gotta tell ya, craziness is pervasive. It’s everywhere.

I don’t like people or dislike them. I love them or hate them.

We are all just dust in the wind.

Matty is a punk.

He believes he’s funny. He is mistaken. I may need to wash my hands.

It’s as though he anticipates the worst place to put a foot when the time comes.

It burns burns burns, that ring of fire, that ring of fire.

Between me and mine. Stupid fuck.

Things are awful among those I know. Just awful.

I see their faces and I know to worry.

On the other hand, untruths. Bad ones. Ones that give me pause.

What to do now? This is fucked up.

Eddie Money’s first record is as pure a pop masterpiece as ever has been. Genius production and songwriting. Gorgeous. It rivals the Foo Fighters “The Color and The Shape” and Green Day’s “American Idiot”, in terms of butter flavor and bursting nuggets. We’re in Roger Miller and Neil Diamond territory. Don’t even look at me.

I’ll do my best not to embarrass you.

Here’s a tip: Crunchy brand Cheetos and Tostitos Salsa con Queso.

We move on from one place to another. Nobody notices.

My girlfriend is gubernatorial. Ever seen the movie “Excalibur”? It’s like three hours long and she knows every single word. “Gubernatorial” therefore being long for “goober”, as in geek. Who knew?

It’s crazy how we watch the the world literally atrophy while waiting for Our Man to assume the position. I suspect the attitude dividend will at least afford a glimpse at blue sky again. I’m counting on it.

Sometimes my own breath smells like an ass packed with gorganzola.

Reagan, what an anti-intellectual joke. George Dumbya is the labotomized brain on Reagan drugs. The Republican agenda. The post modern conservative doctrine. Trickle down bullshit. Stupid. Forgive me but Republicans are dipshits. Assholes. Idiots. Mouth breathing, crystallized snot festooned faced, barely distinguishable from the unfucking dead, unrepentant helmet wearing riders of the short bus to the goddamn mall.

To believe what they believe is a deformity. A genetic flaw that no amount of truth and/or physical therapy can correct. It makes me sad to tell you that they should probably all be institutionalized. This, for their well being as well as our own.

Here’s the thing. I found this Der Winerschnitzel that has beer on tap. Told ya about that already. The thing is this: my girl and I have discussed it; we can afford to explore the menu. It’s doable.

What I’m trying to tell you is that an open mind is optimum and essential. Don’t be afraid to combine various flavors. Combine Tater Tots with bacon, sour cream and avacado. All the sudden you’ve got trailer park nachos. The key is an open mind. Sometimes you’ll shit gravy and sometimes you’ll achieve a pinnacle of white trash cuisine. A palette of flavors deserving the accompaniment of wine from a chilled glass bottle.

At the end of the day, what’s to lose?

The other thing I’m trying to impart to you, in all seriousness, is that my significant other, much to my embarrassment, is a taco head. There are times where that is challenging in public. I worry. She has special needs. Certain ointments and protective gear.

I once knew a chronic masturbator named Sam. He was a damn good guitar player.

Sorry I couldn’t do any better Hunter. It’s all I had. This one’s for the lovely Ella. All six pounds and thirteen ounces of her innocence. Blessed be her red head. Welcome to earth. Peace to you and yours.

Drinks for my friends.

5 Responses to “Poundcake”

  • Kim:

    “Mouth breathing, crystallized snot festooned faced, barely distinguishable from the unfucking dead, unrepentant helmet wearing riders of the short bus to the goddamn mall.”

    I love it. 🙂

  • Kyra:

    Awesome writing, as usual.

  • Kyle:

    Love him? Hate him? How do YOU feel about our soon to be former President? Take part in a chance to immortalize your views in book form by visiting http://goodbyegeorgew.com/ and letting your opinion be read!

    Check out the following article about http://goodbyegeorgew.com/:

    A Movement for Participatory Democracy Sends Honest Goodbye to George W. Bush

    Time and again the U.S. Constitution has been trampled since 9/11 under the jackboots of the George W. Bush Administration and an all too complacent U.S. Congress. In the wake of the landslide election results nearly routing the Republican Party from Washington, the time has come to take back our rights. One place to start is at with the momentum being built by http://www.goodbyegeorgew.com.

    A veritable national movement is being facilitated by Kate Wheeler and her daughter Ashley who came up with the idea for this site as a way to speak out and release the frustration so much of America has felt after 8 years living under Son-of-Bush. The Goodbye to George W. Movement, as Wheeler calls it seems to be picking up speed rapidly.

    “We just started the site and dozens of people have already written their letters. We think that the American People and the world need this. It’s a chance to tell Bush what they really think, a catharsis after so many years of a White House that promoted hatred and fear,” Wheeler said.

    Wheeler pointed to the concept of homeland security as the ideological militarization of U.S. mentality. With the U.S.A. Patriot Act and subsequent legislation, Constitutional limits were taken off of federal law enforcement.

    For example, the FBI has been requesting reading lists from libraries and bookstores; librarians and booksellers are prohibited from even speaking with a lawyer regarding the unconstitutional FBI requests.

    According to the American Civil Liberties Union, by early 2008 more than one hundred anti-war protests had been attacked by authorities in recent years.

    “Freedom of expression and democracy are among the values that the founding father amended to the U.S. Constitution and they are what has motivated us to launch the site,” Wheeler said by phone from her home in Georgia.

    The Goodbye George Movement that Wheeler and her daughter initiated with http://www.goodbyegeorgew.com sets a challenge, in a real sense, to put participation back into U.S. politics. In the United States people may turn out to vote but beyond that are infrequently given forums for the ongoing voicing of their opinion to policy makers.

    “We see the Goodbye George Movement as the beginning of the end to politics-as-usual in our country. Today people are writing what the really think to President Bush. We are going to keep on top of Obama as well to see that the change this country needs really happens,” Wheeler concluded.

    The letters written at http://www.goodbyegeorgew.com are not only a historic undertaking as a step toward making American politics more democratic, they will also be preserved as part of history in the form of a book that Wheeler plans to publish. Copies will be awarded to the first 100 letter writers.

  • Nice. You’ve got a nice rage going, funny and smart and perennially set on “simmer.”
    I dig.

  • admin:

    Oh my. Thanks Miles. I’m not going to bore the rest of you with what this means, but I’ll tell you the day got a little brighter.

    I’d be honored if you continued to read, Miles. And if you’d like to contribute?

    Thanks man. A lot.

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