At Disney, nobody fucks with the mouse

So I’m watching Southpark tonight and it’s about the Jonas Brothers. I never watch Southpark but it can be hysterically funny, vulgar and nail on the head relevant all at once.

I guess I’ve heard of the Jonas Brothers. My brain performs some functions automatically. I’m grateful for my brain. The simplest notion of them as another boy band was was all that ended up in some tiny little neglected room full of dust and weird odors somewhere in my brain.

I didn’t understand they were Christians. Sheezus.

The scene where Mickey himself walks in, emasculates them then beats the shit out of them is a goddamn scream. Hollywood Records, bitch. At Disney, nobody fucks with the mouse. Harlan Ellison has an excellent story with the same title I think.

I need to add the following anecdote. The people from Hollywood Records whom I encountered during my time in the biz, from execs to staff producers, were quite honestly among the most clueless fucks from any business I’ve ever been involved in and that includes my teenage tenure as Der Wienerschnitzel management.

I spent eight hours one night punching the same eight bar guitar solo with a coked up CC Deville because nobody including the producer, had the balls to stop it. It was for some Pauly Shore movie, a cover of ‘Hey hey good lookin’. Julian Raymond had no clue how to run a recording session. Kaffel (Philo) was probably getting paid by the hour. Phil always looked like he’d combed his hair with a sharp rock.

Bristol “abstinence is unrealistic” Palin won’t be marrying oily variety bohunk Levi Johnston anytime soon. My sources tell me that at the same time Bristol had the epiphany about Levi being a worthless knuckle dragging dipshit, Levi realized that Bristol was merely one generation removed from elk eating trailer trash.

If they weren’t God fearing Christians, she coulda aborted that there fetus before it started thinking. Well, before the election heated up anyway. Then again, if she’d been wearing a Purity ring it mighta been different. Them Purity rings keep our kids from fornicating.

The biggest news of the day for me is Jon Stewart’s humanely brutal dissection of Jim Cramer. Jon Stewart has gargantuan balls. Jim Cramer no slouch, as after days of having his lunch punched down his gullet like a musket being loaded, he showed up on The Daily Show, mea culpa in tow.

What followed was some of the most compelling television I’ve ever seen. Cramer acquiesced while Stewart walked it forward, with class, humility and transparent anger.

Intelligent, moral and ethical clarity. Very, very impressive. Lest ye be tempted to draft this man into public office, understand he is exactly where he needs to be. He is achieving maximum good. Let us all be thankful for Mr. Stewart and The Daily Show. The most kaleidoscopic of ironies is that it masquerades as snake oil but consistently hoists the best truth there is to come by.

Well done.

Drinks for my friends.

A moment of zen?

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5 Responses to “At Disney, nobody fucks with the mouse”

  • Beeyix:

    You were very close on the Harlan Ellison reference–in his book, “Stalking the Nightmare,” Harlan writes a three-part autobiographical entry called “The 3 Most Important Things in Life.” Number 3 is “Labor Relations” and ends with the aforementioned Disney/mouse line. (Basically, Harlan got fired after less than a day of employment at Disney, for using his voice talent during lunch to come up with the concept of a Disney porno… without knowing that the head honchos were seated behind a screen a short distance away. Clearly they were not amused.)

  • admin:

    Ah, now I remember……

  • U ? Authority:

    “Nailed it”![J. Steward]
    They’ve stolen your money, tell you whom you can’t be with, what you can’t do, where you can’t go, imprison you for dissenting, there after your gun, want to control your food, and can shut off your water.
    What are we then, indentured naives[slaves]?

    How’s about another emancipation proclamation, and free all people from United States of America Incorporated’s “Individualism”?
    “…[among] them are Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness[not property]…”.

  • WaterPhlo:

    Funny, yeah you are! Really you got a job at a bank? Hey don’t rape, or hurt me you can have all my money!

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