autoerotic asphyxia

Bill O’Reilly, who’s likeness appears along side the definitions of both ‘hypocrite’ and ‘blowhard’ in the most reputable dictionaries, said in an interview today that he boycotts any film in which Sean Penn appears because of his political views. In the words of Snoop Dogg, “Fuck Bill O’Reilly”. And, “He’s a motherfuckin’ prick”. And, “Suck my dick”. And, “so I can kick his motherfuckin ass when the show is over with”.

I don’t really have anything to add here.

In other news, I thought it was pretty cool to hear that the CEO of GM, Rick Wagoner, was walking away at the behest of the Obama administration. That is, until I read the greedy bastard could tip the fuck out the door with as much as $20 million. Excuse me, there seems to be some sort of canker on my penis. Does this look infected to you? It’s like deja vu all over again.

Also, thirty thousand pythons as long as twenty feet are threatening to go forth, multiply and overrun Florida and there’s a million pounds of pistachios out there that will kill you in your bed.

The world is an increasingly perilous place and I’m almost out of pot again. It’s legal here in California as long as one suffers from a serious and/or chronic malaise like ingrown toenail, sebaceous cysts on one’s genitalia or say, brewer’s droop from drinking beer.

A prescription costs between a hundred and a hundred fifty bucks. My fridge is broke.

I watched a comic tonight on Comedy Central. Josh Blue. Self deprecating, brave, honest and very funny. He suffers from cerebral palsy. Walk a mile in another man’s shoes but never forget about the man with no feet.

I’m an agnostic. My position has more to do with the abject silliness of just about every organized religion on the planet, as opposed to some sort of soaring epiphany. Honestly, I owe my stake more to the vacuum of logic that exists in every dogma fomented by people of faith on up to, but not exclusively, the goddamn Pope.

For example:
YAOUNDE, Cameroon (March 17) – Pope Benedict XVI said condoms are not the answer to the AIDS epidemic in Africa and can make the problem worse, setting off criticism Tuesday as he began a weeklong trip to the continent where some 22 million people are living with HIV. -AOL news

Don’t lose sight of the fact they boink all the little boys and girls they want.

Good luck with that crap you pointy hatted pontiff. I’m not sorry to tell you that Catholicism just may be the most egregious and archaic “faith” practiced in America certainly, and under the world’s proscenium without a doubt. I will be as blunt as possible here. Catholicism encourages me to root for Satan. Catholics are fools. So are Baptists, Mormons, Anglicans, Protestants, Muslims and especially Evangelicals and Born Agains.

They are all petty children in the eyes of the universe.

My sincerest apologies if I left any one out.

Buddhism occurs to me to be the only discipline that bothers to address the existential nature and uniqueness of the human condition. I just can’t help but appreciate a fat guy with a shit eating grin in the context of all the other tragic and sometimes stigmatically bleeding religious icons.

Most of it is about guilt and non intellectually curious blind shithouse faith. What I mean to say is it’s spectacularly dumb.

You gonna eat that?

Drinks for my friends.

9 Responses to “autoerotic asphyxia”

  • Twaddle:

    It’s funny, that people can eat someting, say, head cheese, for years, and not have any idea what it is. They can enjoy the hell out of it, too, until one day someone shows them what they are eating and they start projectile vomiting, trying to expell years of eyelids and noses.

    Yeah it’s like that! I feel like at some point during my university studies, I found myslef on a tour of the hot dog factory.

  • Betty:

    i see you’re on a roll here, roll me one too, funny and outrageous, and true as always

  • admin:

    I never understood head cheese.

  • admin:

    Thank Betty, very much. And thanks for the pimp.

  • Max:

    Siddhartha Gautama, I love that Buddha actually has a real name. I’m not sold on his mothers controversial pregnancy, but on the whole I find Buddhism to be at ease with the modern world.

    I had to google “head cheese”, apparently it’s called Brawn in Australia. Not a f’ing chance will find out how it tastes.

    Good to see you you haven’t lost your touch mate.

    Take care.

  • admin:

    Thanks Max, very much.

  • Misty:

    I’m so afraid of the Christians. Particularly, the Jehova Witnesses. Apparently many of these religious groups worship the God of the old testament. I know these people, they are judgemental, gossip, rumor Ho’s! I believe in karma, hey remember when I stole those pictures? Now we are Karmicly tyed together. I believe that Budda had a protruding stomach because, he was vegatarian. Vegatable metabolise at a very slow pace in humans.

  • Tony:

    Back in the neighborhood I grew up in, we used to have a phone tree, specifically for when the Witnesses came to cruise the block. Unless grandma saw them, then they were invited in. Dad always said the rest of us were Catholics, though he was about the only one that applied to, and not all that much.

    As for Bill O’Really?, Sean Manatee, and Rush “Fat Fuck” Limbaugh, they really have their nerve, after worshipping the ground that Dubya walked on. Add that faux populist revolutionary Glenn Buck to that list too.

    Remember Urkel, when he used to smile and ask “did I do that?” That’s what I think every time one of the Crap Pack talks. As if these degenerate assholes had nothing to do with our economy being mired in quicksand.

    These guys are what Orwell spoke of when he mentioned duckspeak in 1984. Vocalizations totally disconnected from any higher brain function.

  • admin:

    Yup. Thanks for reading.

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