If I were a rich man…….

I’ve gone through a change.  Transformed.  Like menopause.  Suddenly, the Republican Agenda makes sense to me.  I’ve gone from liberal to vacuous.

Seriously.  Work with me here.

Torture makes complete sense in the context of liberty and justice for all.  Dick Cheney and his minions should not be investigated or prosecuted.  They were merely doing their best.  It’s hopeless silliness, not to mention unpatriotic, to pursue any form of persecution of these brave defenders of the American way.  As American’s, we are better than everyone else, we don’t deserve the scrutiny.  We are above it.  God put us here to rule the world and he is on our side.  Our unique responsibility is to rid the world of evil.

We are special.  Jesus tells us so.  The Bible tells us so.

Our qualifications are exclusive and divine.  Christian Americans are The Chosen.

Republicans in particular.

The faithful.

Those who’ve failed to reach their fiscal potential are not my problem, my concern and certainly not my fault.  Maybe God’s will is that they should be left behind.  A kind of religious natural selection.  Ha!  Take that you atheist Darwin lovers.  After all, God only helps those that help themselves.  Christ has no use or patience for the weak or impaired, they are unable to do for themselves and are therefore worthless to the Holy Spirit.  Never give a fish to a Democrat, teaching the worthless to fish is a waste of time. Some have been chosen and some have not.  The Christian way and obviously what the Heavenly Father intended for the Christian nation of America.

The rich should be taxed minimally, if at all.  Wealth drives the modern economy.  They provide the largess for jobs and industry.  They are the chosen.  Thus, their generosity is evident and already in place.  They do far more than the beggar or the homeless can or would.

I’ve come to loath the rotting toothed, stupid and desperate poor.  God has not chosen riches for me but I shudder when I gaze upon the worthless because I know my tax dollars go to prolong their miserable lives.  Poor but obese, they lack the sense to choose wholesome and nutritious food.  They neither know nor care enough too seek proactive medicines or practices and I don’t doubt that’s all part of God’s plan.  That these zombies are allowed to drain the money and resources of American society in general confuses me.  God does work in mysterious ways.

I don’t hate them because God says not to.

America is the land of opportunity.  Always has been.  Those who’ve failed to take advantage of America’s vast and ripe system of free education and abundant possibility are simply beyond hope, especially once they pass the threshold of adulthood.  I work, I have a job, so these greasy, dentally challenged trailer park dwellers, these weak and worthless veterans of our wars who can’t get it together and refuse to do for themselves, make me want to puke.  Look at all the goddamn foreigners that take jobs as convenience store clerks or manual labor workers that take jobs from worthy Americans.  Are these people less capable, less able than honest Americans?  Maybe they are, maybe they’re not.

Falls under not my fucking problem.  All I know is I’d much rather have my tax dollars go towards fighting the raghead terrorists than these wastes of God’s air.  I see these people in wheelchairs sporting an oxygen tank in casinos and I just know my money is paying for them instead of keeping us safe from Satan’s Muslim evil doers.  They should be euthanized like the diseased cat’s and dogs that make a mess of my trash and threaten neighborhood children with a cornucopia of malaise.  Tics, fleas and ringworm.

Ever heard that expression “Kill ’em all and lot God sort them out”?  I’m down with that.  I’m no judge and jury but get them off my block and out of my town.

Sometimes I think Hitler was more on the ball than he gets credit for.  Everyone knows the Jews control the banks and the entire entertainment industry.  You know “The Family” on C Street more or less agrees.  He really was just looking to rid his country of Faggots, Gypsies, Jews and the ethnically impure. Hitler was a Christian too, you know.  He had “The Ultimate Solution” and I think we could take a page or two from his playbook.

It’s a good dose of reality as opposed to the fascism and socialism pinko liberals try so hard to cram down our necks every fucking day.

See, they’re not patriots like me and you.  They love niggers and spics and anyone who isn’t from the Mayflower like us.  They are weak.  They give money to all the dirty and lazy regardless of their color.  Ask me for money on the street, I’ll tell you to get a job you piece of shit.  They wander around pushing their stolen shopping carts full of stolen trash and I hate them.  Their skin a map of rashes, their eyes bloodshot with their hands out and the cloud of foul stink they walk in.  This instead of a job?

Fucking lazy if you ask me.  No excuse.

Christ has blessed my soul with charity but these people have no will or desire and don’t deserve the fish I can afford.  If they won’t die, better off behind bars at $30k a year because they are a menace.  Know God or pay the price.

We should attack and punish those countries who threaten us.  The future of the world depends on the triumph of Christianity over Islam.  They’re heathens and there’s no chance of co-existing with a bunch of towel headed camel jockeys.  Crude and uncivilized.  We have nukes and they don’t.  Time to use them.  Negotiation is pointless.  Turn their the desert into glass.

Take a breath.

I hope you understand that I’m kidding.  I’ve painted a picture for you of what I hate.  It is a caricature for sure.  A broad stroke, the impetus, the catalyst, being a solid month of right wing talk radio and it’s blatant, overt dishonesty.  Sean Hannity and Rush Limbaugh are simultaneously American icons and stains on America’s aspirations and her identity.  What they do everyday is sick, irresponsible and evil.  They and their ilk seek nothing more than to pollute our national discourse so egregiously as to rile the stupid and offend the thoughtful to the extent that they are actually paid handsomely for their treason.  Shining examples of the worst of us.  The physical manifestation of everything that is wrong with American society, patriotism and all our precious ideas.

They are paid handsomely to stir shit.  Disgusting.  I would swing on either one.  I fucking hate these guys.

This blog is dedicated to Teddy Kennedy.  Not perfect by any means, I understand his flaws better than you can know, a lion nonetheless.  A champion of all those I’ve lampooned so harshly here.  The dynasty has ended.  It really is America’s loss.

His passing is poignant and symbolic.  It was with JFK’s assassination that the modern era of brutal politics flooded us.  The subsequent courage of LBJ and the assassinations of Robert Kennedy and Martin Luther King cemented the vulgar ugliness of right versus left in this once vital and proud nation.  We have fallen from those heights.  Those ideals and those hopes.

In so many ways, we are in the same place.  A half African, half Caucasian man as President.  We are back in that place more than you probably know.  Round headed idiots showing up to Town hall meetings sporting  loaded weaponry enough to slay everyone in front of them.  Adolph fucking Hitler invoked over and over.  There are so many children in America, both literally and figuratively.  I worry so much that despite the election, we are forced to choose between a martyr or Superman.

It would be convenient and gratuitously exculpatory to pontificate here, but I’ll spare both you and me.  Save this:  Both John McCain and Orin Hatch disingenuously lamented the absence of Ted Kennedy from the health care debate in the last day or two, insinuating that his presence would have made a difference.  Fucking pricks.  Shame on you assholes.  You and your ever shrinking party are beginning to trip over your own dicks in your own race for shamelessness.

Public option or bust.

Drinks for my friends.

29 Responses to “If I were a rich man…….”

  • David Lee 3:

    Good one Spank,

    I like to ask people who are somewhat similar to your caricature; Who would Jesus bomb?

    Italian Merlot please,
    grazzi

  • Soul Rebel:

    For some like me, the concept of Hell is the idea of a wasted opportunity… lost forever.

    Rich men will wail in our hell. Their compulsion to continuous hoard leads them to find they can’t take it with them. Their heirs despise them as parents but love their trust funds.

    The only lasting legacies are the selfless gestures.

    Ted Kennedy could have president. It would have been predictable and he could have become been corrupted by a process that turns men. But for an error in judgement, the curse of the Kennedy vanity… an unfortunate deed, and schandal what would have ended a career compelled Ted to fight harder and endure more insult than any other. He dedicated himself for the non priviledged.
    He more than redeemed himself and has earned his rest.

  • admin:

    All I’ve got is some Leonetti…….thanks for reading.

  • Master Bacon:

    At least the lion knew his victim and showed remorse. Those on the right prefer death by proxy and revel in their indifferent killing. See “Blackwater”

  • admin:

    Well said.

  • Robert Charpentier:

    My only problem with prosecuting Dick Cheney and his minions is that it will surely precipitate a political cycle in which outgoing administrations are prosecuted by their successor — whether deserved or not. Yep, Nixon was a crook. Ford was still right to pardon him.

    I believe Dick Cheney was, by orders of magnitude, the most cynical and corrupt individual ever to hold such high office in this country. At least Rove and Wolfowitz were ideologues. As inept and misguided as they were, they believed in something. Cheney just miked the system for the benefit of his cronies.

    Does he deserve jail? You bet. Should he go? No way. It would just make a martyr of him in the eyes of the radical right. He doesn’t deserve that. He deserves to be ignored and forgotten — not the lesson he taught us, but the man himself.

    We need to look forward as a nation and focus on the high aspirations you allude to in your piece. We should not condescend to wallow in the muck with the Hannitys and Limbaughs of the world.

    As for health care reform: how sad that Ted’s death may give his rivals the power to fillibuster one of his fondest legislative desires out of existence.

  • Thanks for posting this on FB. I like your sense of humor. 🙂 God what a mess this all is…

  • Julia:

    *THAT* *WAS* *BEAUTIFUL*… took the words right out of my mouth. I couldn’t have said it better myself.

    Cheers “Brain Spank”!!!

  • admin:

    @Richard: I too am concerned about precedent but these crimes are so egregious I don’k we can afford to worry about it. Maybe embracing the long flouted precedent for accountability is more imperative.

  • admin:

    @Catherine: Thanks for reading. Feel free to pimp me.

  • admin:

    @Julia: Thanks very much for reading and participating. Don’t be a stranger.

  • Temy:

    Outstanding write. How coincidental that my mind went to the notion of rich folks in my own blog.

  • admin:

    How do I find your blog?

  • the_kcar:

    Michael: once again, with a wit on the rocks, you have targeted and struck the nail on the head with a bazooka. Well done.

    Now, if we can just get the three stooges off the air…gfl, I know.

    Pass me the vermouth; I think I’ll slay a martian.

  • I believe you can find a person’s blog by clicking on their name, though in that case you might still need a bit of surfing from his myspace link.

    In my own case it will take you directly to my own research on the pathology and if we cannot cure it, the link there to George Lakoff has a great method of confronting it and making it less effective.

    Actually the rest of my blog kind of has that as a major theme as well.

  • admin:

    @the_kcar: Thanks my dear. Nice to hear from you.

  • admin:

    @FreeDem: Thanks for the input.

  • Misty:

    Loose Change; We iz a hearty bunch yep we R. While we Americans are always Up in the Buisness of others, we’ve become handicaped, and now need the Govy to do our health care & change our dypy’sers. You know Govy shoving & serving us up the Rx’s, to counter all our indulging in the other substance pushers. Moving soliders hear and there, pretending no noticing of all the tunnels & game playing like Monopoly real time. All over the fucking planet.

    Hearing excellent Beats in my head, I learned to contenplate starving, working many, jobs, all at once just to pay the rent. Nobody trained me for no airplane flying into Rockerfeller center automatic air jetliner crash, times one, two, three Timmoth McKyVee. Comprehending all the anxiety, Bin Laden, making sense to me. Minding my own buisyness, for he get very, very angry, again. Earth shaking me awake, don’t sleep tight on the fault lines, tonight.
    Oooh Good old Jet airliner, take me far away, oh sweet old jet airliner. It’s here that I want to stay?

  • Fritz Madzo:

    Should Cheney and gang’s crimes be investigated and laid bare? Yes, just as Nixon’s were. If it is expedient to then pardon him (just as Nixon was) so be it. At least Americans would know how close we came to being exact clones of the terrorists we proclaim we’re better than.

  • Misty:

    All I can say is “very Scary Cheney, and DUMBYA”. The electrons in my brain implanted; an alien force? Playing: “It’s getting near Dawn; Eric Clapton Sweet! Hannity????? I’m seriously busy,man. I Got shoved out of my job, then company & union lobbyist; went to work on the Libs and RIPtds to take away my private Health Insurance, they want me enrolled in their crap! Now that I’m not working 60 hours a week, mandatory overtime, finally I can hear, and notice things other than the scionic electrons bouncy in my brain, that would tell me joy, love, and rest are just around the corner. So I’m not Mexican! Silicon Valecito. Bonita! SHIT…, VAnHalen was really excellente’, forget El Norte. the sound should remain the same, forever por favor. Now that I’m not too starving to notice. All those 4 guys really tore it up. L Fing A. or O.C. that shit is the H.O.L.Y.

    By the way I’ve got LOCK JAW! Duh Right….? Dogs just KICK!, and I’m a Doberman Pincher.
    May I have A…,! Michael, I’ve noticed that you and yours have been easily marketed to. Guielded society! Look the Kennedy’s made tons of money in bootlegging under the table cash flo society. Minimal paid off, government officials. Bearecats, politicians & beauticians. The Game! They Profited big time. So they, advocated for their customers a little bit. Big Deal, greatness often comes from much suffering, I’d vote for Caroline, or many of her familia,s generation in a heartbeat.
    I’m sincerely sorry for their losses. I been there.
    War is like an artificial inflated penis don’t you think? I want to make peeps feel, good, but I can’t in all full consciousness, offer up free government run health care plans while my country is actively destroying, waring killing, thieving and plunder other societies for very questionable purposes. Lets not forget that My own brothers were shipped off to Vietnam, to do much the same. Often I myself make really, really dumb choices, and one of my siblings goes and tells me what a dumb ass I am. I need to hear this ugly truth. Peliagroso ! Just like my nation at times, I kinda go insane. But I can’t find one good excuse for children not having their medical needs tended too,. Universally. But can we require that their parents, proclaim who they are, like international credit checks which are way better than bombs and hate. Seriously I’ve been told since I was 18 or earlier they CoRpoATIONS AND MONEY PEOPLE have been electronically sizing me up. Saying you are not what we believe in or would back, so go get pregnant so that you can qualify for some sort of free your our mark, ON YOUR BACK free shit. The GOVERNMENTAL forces, have intellectual data, on everyone, and anyone they would want to. Like the Bat that flew into my open window and landed right on my rear view mirror as I drove in the dark, last night somebody is watching me; and all of you too. Always! Limbaugh? The Bat and I have become immune to artificial light sources. Hey How the Casinos treating you; Michael? You know when I was a kid; my brothers would pound the shit out of me for just anything reason, I guess I had a offensive Detroit swagger, on my face. The government could monitor the Health Insurance industry and create avenues for affordable Health care, or they should both get the F out of Dodge. My revenge is my Grande’ Pulma. Mandy Moore is the yang to Brittany Spears’s Yin, you dumb A.

  • Speechless…want to laugh and cry at the same time. And yet, a calm has come over me liken to the acceptance of death. The overwhelming totalitiy and finale of an abusive relationship…come to its lustful and prideful ending.

    Part of me wants to pack my bags & head for shelter…somewhere, anywhere…but not here. Part of me wants to stand up and hold my ground; but there’s no foundation on which to stand. So where do we go from here? The media is bought and paid for (ironic twist of fate there) so there are only a few and far between who’ll give their political guests…er, liars & hate-mongers… a “tongue lashing” for the hatred or lies they spew. The rest are just as bad or worse as the politicians who feed the flames of political and socioeconomic intolerances. I just don’t know anymore…but I believe you’ve pinned it here. And that’s the saddest part of all…what if people are really like this? God help us all. — peace, my friend

  • admin:

    People really are like this. Thanks for contributing.

  • Guy:

    You’ve hit the nail on the head with this post! Thx 4 sharing.

  • admin:

    Thanks for reading.

  • David Reilly:

    cheney? catch him, take him to a black site, and torture and re-animate him every time he dies from the pain. and show the whole thing live on fox news, pre-empt 24.
    meanwhile, get All the dirt on the american century gang’s very own pearl harbor – 911, and round up All the people involved, before and after. criminalize corporate lobbying. shut down blackwater or whatever that little hairbag freak calls it these days. investigate and convict the murdering crew they employ. let the military industrialists beg and bid for contracts.
    tired of this now. thanks for the drinks, i’ll have to pass tonight.

  • David Reilly:

    and further, none of it can change with the patriarchy in power

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