Top Ten Reasons Sarah Palin Should Run For President in 2012

1. It won’t matter because according to the Mayan calendar, the world’s going to end anyway.

2. She’s  arguably HOT and definitely STUPID.

3. It’s unlikely the GOP will embrace her so she’ll “go rogue”,  run third party and split the mouthbreather vote.

4. Oh, the carnival.  Oh, the burlesque.  Sloganeering and jingoism will be the new vaudeville.  Late night television will crackle with the glut of comic opportunity.  I confess, this phenomena is much anticipated by yours truly.  It’s probably my guiltiest ulterior for hoping it all comes to pass.  Well, maybe not.

Somewhere in here McCain will fold in upon himself and blow away.

5.  The world will finally own the demarcation, previously a fine line, between the clever and the stupid America.  My very own “1/4 Paradigm”, will be accepted as an archetype by sociologists and political scientists across the globe.  The “1/4 Paradigm” posits that at least 25% of Americans are incorrigibly dumb.  Nixon’s approval rating was around 25% when forced to resign to avoid all out impeachment.  Dumbya’s was about the same when he left office.  These are the people who still believe Hussein was behind 9/11, Obama is a Muslim and not a citizen and that you might be queer if you don’t like steak or fail to objectify females and various ethnicities.  The Teabaggers who are still all obsequious for Reagan, despite that he raised taxes at least five times (mostly on the wealthy), tripled the deficit and expanded the federal government by some 61,000 employees.  The people who bring loaded firearms to peaceful political events when there own icon was felled by the bullet of some whackjob exactly like them.  Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you The Great Unwashed.  The “1/4 Paradigm”.

6. Hunter S. Thompson said famously, “When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro”.  I’m really hoping this little prophecy finds some purchase.  I understand this is congruous with reason number four but still, I can’t wait to see what the opposition affords us.  The neoliberal may finally emerge as some metaphorical anti-matter to the the neoconservative and we’ll finally enjoy the grace and promise of a reasonably sane and progressive society.  It could happen.  What would a neoliberal be like?  How would it manifest?  Discuss.

7. Millions of little girls will come to know that they too, can do anything……………as long as they don’t buy their own shit and believe they’re something they’re not.  Something they have no idea about.  Learn to recognize when they’re in over their heads.  Maybe they’ll teach it to little boys.  See, this could be good.

8. Honestly, the effect on men if she won would be fascinating.  If roughly the same number of bigots and he-man woman haters came out of the woodwork as did racists when Obama got elected, we’d have quite a show.  A lot of men would suddenly wear their inner asshole on the outside.  Trust me.  Lift kits will sell like guns.

9. I really want her loser ass to get plowed.  I want to see her humiliated.  I thought Dumbya was an empty suit.  I’d punch Dick Cheney if I had the chance.  I just don’t have much patience for people who think they’re smarter than they actually are.  I’ve dealt with them.  I want to push her face in.  Most of us understand she’s a two dimensional attention whore who’s never thought more than a few minutes into the immediate future.  I have no respect for her and I want to see her disrespected.  Politically and metaphorically, I want to see her taste her own blood.

I bet I just made somebody’s list.

10. See number nine.

Drinks for my friends.

24 Responses to “Top Ten Reasons Sarah Palin Should Run For President in 2012”

  • Gab:

    Love it!

    Neoliberal … think Star Trek. You know, where people don’t need to work, but do so to benefit world-wide humanity. But that would never happen. Sadly, the masses are asses.

    Number 11: Fodder. Lots of fodder and material. Could be fun.

    Number 12: See number nine.

  • admin:

    Ha! Thanks Gab 🙂

  • Gerry:

    At least there would be jobs and we would be getting our oil from Alaska and global warming would be shown for what it really is, Bull Shit. The kiss prinicipal works for me. Keep It Simple Stupid. Besides she has more education then Obama. When was the last time you were elected Govenor?

  • admin:

    Occasionally I’m forced to decide whether I deal with people such as yourself gently or brutally.

    Allow me to apologize in advance. You can’t even spell the word “bullshit”. It’s one word.

    You don’t understand the difference between “then” and “than”.

    That you posit she has more education than our President reveals a rather naked ignorance on your part. She went to four or five different less than noteworthy institutions to obtain a BA.

    Your president graduated from Columbia and has a law degree from Harvard.

    It’s just plain dumb to entertain the notion that America could benefit in any substantial way from even the maximum amount of oil Alaska could possibly produce.

    I would challenge you to explain how anything Sarah Palin has ever said or done would produce a single job.

    Lastly, you can’t even spell the word “Governor”. What’s the point in asking me when the last time I was elected governor?

    You are willfully ignorant and irresponsibly stupid and represent everything that is wrong with this country and contemporary politics.

    Go away. Please don’t vote. You’re an idiot.

  • Ronald Reagan:

    Jerry, Palin’s education compares very poorly. But the real question is why did it take her 6 years and 5 schools for her to get a Bachelor degree? Just think of it, 5 schools in 6 years; that’s unheard-of. Was she failing out and forced to find other schools? Did she have personality, psychological, or drug problems? We knew next to nothing about the background of potentially the (at the time) the next Vice President of the United States. That is scary.

    Obama = Magna Cum Laude – Harvard Law

    Sarah Palin would be better off to be a palm reader!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA LMFAO!

  • jeddy tranquill:

    I support Sara Palin for President of the United States of America for many reasons. The first one is that Yobama has us on the brink of socialism which will lead to the demise of life as you now know it. Palin wants for us to have cheap energy which lowers the price of our goods that are produced making us competitive in the world market. Now just what Democrat or Republican has that idea that hasn’t sold out to the foreign sponsored environmental conspirators. Energy makes jobs and jobs pay money which YOU then will have and so just what is wrong with that. Tea Party will rule with Sara Palin as President!

  • admin:

    If you can answer how, specifically, Obama has us on the brink of socialism, I’ll entertain you with a rebuttal.

    Everyone wants cheap energy. The Tea Party is a bunch of underinformed, easily manipulated racists.

    Grow up.

  • Jessica:

    Gerry, I’m going to restate, like admin, that going to 5 colleges for a semester each does not equate to graduating MAGNA CUM LAUDE from Harvard.

    This should be fairly obvious, and yet somehow, to you, isn’t…. which speaks volumes….

  • admin:

    Thank you. Well said.

  • David Lee III:

    She is such a cumb dunt! She is not qualified to get a quart of milk for me from the corner store.

    I like your “1/4 Paradigm”, it makes sense.

    Let her run, I need the comedy!

  • Ashley:

    Though I am not in support of Sarah Palin and do like this list, I just felt that the comments were a little unjust. Though it is admirable to have graduated from Harvard (obviously), I don’t think it’s fair to count out those who “only” attended a state college.

    Yes, I do understand that Sarah Palin jumped around a million times before getting her BA. However, I’m saying for the typical student, it doesn’t seem fair to say one is undereducated compared to another simply because they didn’t attend an ivy league institution.

  • Temy:

    Did you really say “lift kits”!?

  • admin:

    Yep, did I get it wrong?

  • Master Bacon:

    Let’s register for the Republican primaries just to get this simpleton in!

  • admin:

    I don’t think that’s a bad idea. Subterfuge!

  • admin:

    @Ashley: Seriously. I’m 45 and will have 12 college credits in May. Read back, there was an idiot named Gerry that chimed in oh so eloquently on the subject of Obama’s education vs. Palinoscopy’s.

    This isn’t about level of education, it’s more about smart as opposed to stupid.

    Work with me here.

  • admin:

    @Gab:
    You’re #11 is pretty much the same as my #4. Your homework is incomplete. I am disappointed grasshopper.

  • andykavanaugh:

    Now, I do believe anyone involved with the “tea-party” is dim (and i can’t help but snicker when they regard themselves as “teabaggers”…come on, that’s worth the press coverage of this “movement” alone, really it is..)-why is it when anyone dissents from President Obama, he/she is a racist? And that has been the problem of the Democratic Party since its inception…it’s the party that has decided “racial-etiquette”…first it was proper to keep blacks as property; then disenfranchised as more or less pseudo-citizens for the following century; and finally “infantilized” by the all-knowing-white-liberal -to have all the same expectations for everyone is somehow “racist”, while excusing the poor behaviour of someone because of their racial or ethnic vestige is not (ie: “it’s not the fault of the blacks and latinos who voted for the prohibition on gay marriage in California, we blame the Mormons-who live in Utah..uh, yeah it’s their fault, despite the fact that they HAVE NO SUFFERAGE IN CALIFORNIA, ya know, living in Utah and all that…uh, they’re white and we already don’t like them…”). You may right about somethings..like Sarah Palin should not be leader of the free world just ‘cuz she’s ‘right-fit’ (and so is her daughter -Bristol “Juno” Palin, I’d luv a mummy/daughter sandwich with me in the middle, anyhow..), but the President doesn’t garner amnesty from dissent for being black, and that’s what you’re doing when you declare that all the “teabaggers” (tee-hee, tee-hee; Christ, I never out grew Beavis and Butthead) are racists. Fucksakes, would we be any worse off with Palin? I mean if McCain had won..why there would be more troops in Iraq and Afganistan, and there would be no National Health Service….oh wait….But, somethings have changed since Obama became president like, errr…oh yeah, Republicans are having sex scandals with woman again, that’s kinda neat…oh, Sarah Palin is not a MILF…She’s a GILF now……President Obama hasn’t maintained fealty to any of the compacts he made to residents of my adopted land- and that’s what hurts more than anything else- not because he’s not white, or because he’s black; it’s a feckin’ blow to the bollix -because all he is -President Obama is just another politician.

  • NONLIBDUDE:

    You left wing kooks really piss me off. IT’s okay to attack a woman because she’s in the Republican party. If she was a left wing looney bird like the rest of you it would be a problem.
    If a Republican made comments like this about Michele Obama they would be hung. Tired of the double standard…. Face the facts your party sucks. America is tired of socialism. VA, NJ, MA, need I say more?
    You are all going down this year and in 2012. Palin is not going away in any form. Obama knows nothing and is clueless. I don’t care if if he went to school on Saturn. The man can’t even do a speech without a teleprompter!
    Also another note, for your “SPELLING NAZIS” find a real hobby. Just because somebody does spell correctly doesn’t mean squat. Some type fast and don’t care, others just don’t care.
    Keep drinking the Kool Aid. Thanks to you guys we won’t see another Democratic President in years!

  • Red Five:

    @nonlibdude (and others of your ilk)

    Seriously, I don’t know where to start.. Do you honestly think that comments HAVEN’T been made about Michelle Obama? Where are all the supposed gibbets said commenters are hanging from?

    It was SO much better when GW was in office! He got this country back on track! We had been fiscally responsible for far too long, he got us back in debt like we should be. We had been far too lenient when it came to the sovereignty of other nations. Can’t have that, can we? Tax breaks for SUV buyers? DONE. Corporate personhood and irresponsibility? Done and done. Environmental ignorance transformed into governmental policy? SO done.

    I try to keep an open mind when other people express their views. I try to maintain a tolerant attitude towards my fellow man. I try hard to find the similarities between us instead of dwelling on the glaring differences. The plain and simple fact is that this country needs unity. We need to work together instead of tearing each others throats out at every opportunity. Why is this so hard to understand?

  • reiyalight1:

    For Mr. Reagan sir, Palin Ho jumped from school to school, because after she sucked & fucked frat boy’s; & Fratman teachers, thus displaying herself as a Ho. Grades would not be the problem. She’d be well adept at cheating her way through college. “She played basket ball, that makes her a Jock”, as in all brawn no brains, & enjoyed sucking other players dick with her head bouncing up and down like a lap dog. I play basketball, tennis,and I’m an accomplished swimmer. Yeah I surf too, dudes. And the embarrassing fact that I lived under the reign of Dumbywa, so I’m like tardatious, myself. Only an experienced fuck cunt would dis, a prominent hero, like McCain, particularly after he choose her as a running mate. I don’t respect Arizona, and the lack of democracy that occurs there. But McCain was well connected and respected. By Choosing that Brittany Spears wanna be; Ho Palin, revealed his own disease of Dumbywa tardation.
    Obama, is not just the president of the U.S., we are an international economy. The new world order. The international community relies heavily on what happens to the U.S. banks, China, Israel’s money, and Middle east Oil, that is what make the world turn round n’ round. Not to mention the brains we import from around the globe, cause Americans are tardatious fools. Of course, global warming exist, we can HEAT it up with the press of a button, you fuckhead. So we don’t need a Ho in heat as president. She ever makes office, we will experience a military attacked, as the world has never witnessed. I’m sure you fuckheads would glory in that. Yes we liberals, were unwilling to accept Hillary. the Clintons were but a fancy new application, fun for a while, the they rapidly became outdated.
    Our man Obama,is a King. Not perfect but he will live. He will be president for eight years. So get off your ass, and let him know; inform him of what you want for the future of America. If you have children thank your fucking stars, he is our president.
    And Master Bacon, you should go get sucked any time it suits you. Same to you Michael!

  • Msss...T:

    Forgive my reprobate. In no way do I condone harsh judgments of individuals labeled “mentally retarded.” No idiot is better than the next as far as I’m concerned. Well with the exception, of the toxic politrickians we’ve allowed to turn this nation into fucking muck!
    Let’s just face it, George Dumbywa simply had his daddy’s hockey stick stuck up that little pee whole.., his wee.., wee. And he had Dick’s you know “Darth’s” baseball bat stuck in his ignorant ass. Must have been an aluminum bat greased with daddy Bush’s oil. I bet Darth is heavily invested in metals, aluminum, gold, you name it. Keeping us idiots employed. Yeah they will give you health care, just go kill some middle eastern’s for us. Do’nn ya worry none cause your benfits will be paid for, by all the little peon Americans bitches being taxed to death, on slave wages.

  • fuck off you piece of shit liberal asshole. Wait did I spell it right? FUCK OFF ASS HOLE.

  • admin:

    Sheezus. How did I not respond to this?

    Your first sentence isn’t capitalized and if I were you, I’d want to capitalize ‘fuck’. The second sentence needs a comma after ‘wait’, and I’m pretty sure ‘ass hole’ works as one word these days.

    Your elementary school teachers told you that you were smart only because they knew they couldn’t help you.

    Have a nice day 🙂

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