Somehow this is my biggest hit ……….

……from over three and a half years ago……..

 

 

A Tempest Without Flaw

October 31, 2007 – 11:59 pm

Nine ways to Sunday and from hell to breakfast if we’re not careful………… In the last quarter century, arctic ice has atrophied over twenty percent. We’re now staring at over nine percent melting each decade and the pace accelerates. The effects of that decline are exponential. While the disappearing ice reflects less heat and energy from the sun back into space, as it melts, it reverses ocean currents, weather patterns and ultimately submerges an ass pocket full of inhabited coastal real estate. In less than that time, world population is up by thirty four percent. Still no condoms in Africa, despite leading the world as a continent infected with HIV and far more people than can be fed. Central and South America are hot on the heels of Africa, thanks in no small way to Catholicism and a long line of morally bankrupt, idiot Popes drooling dogma and fomenting archaic and absurd doctrine in every impoverished region on the globe. These people are evil fucking idiots. The EPA submitted a fourteen page report last week that the White House “redacted” by removing nearly eight pages and then saw fit to insert propaganda from a report that was partially funded by the petroleum industry. These people too, are evil fucking idiots. Nothing new there. Dick-in-Bush have been censoring NASA scientists and government environmental reports since about the same time the GOP hung it’s own toilet paper in the Residence. Indeed. Show me a report that denies global warming and it’s effects and I’ll show you a body of work with a rather obvious oil slick on top. Atlanta is due to run out of drinking water within ninety days. California still burns. The bees are taking a holiday to who knows where and they’re not coming back. This, a very big deal. Weather in general is off the charts. In the last handful of years we’ve had tornados and snow in Los Angeles. What’s occurred climatically in every other corner of the globe made that look Fisher Price. In that same handful of years the only thing propping up the American economy was an unrealistically robust housing market. That’s over. Very 2005. That sector now bubbles and hisses in collapse like some agent of Satan firehosed with holy water. Where the American economy goes, so does that of the world. The US has more than one piston firing in the global economic engine. Our pistons however, disrupt the clock and rhythm of the engine. Ominous black viscera vomits from the twin exhaust. Grab a gear and put your foot in her and she hesitates, sputters and acts like she’s gonna stall. Sorry, but sometimes you gotta laugh while doing the metaphor thing. We owe China more than we make. We buy more from them than we can afford. We continue to fight an embarrassingly unjustified war in Iraq, costing over $700 million a day that we have no way to pay for and no way to win. Yet, we command the world stage with hands on hips and chest thrust out, clearing our voices and stomping our feet, picking a fight with every other country in the region that could be of incalculable help in mitigating this clusterfuck we have ignited and foolishly perpetuated. America has become a cartoon. Most nukes don’t cost nothin’ cause we paid for em’ a ways back. Nukes do what lotsa soldiers do but way faster and way cheaper. We got a shitload of nukes. All different kinds. Don’t forget that the Navy and the Air Force haven’t had much to do with things so far. Don’t forget that. Wait ’til that kinda shit goes boom. It will guarantee a degree of fucked so profound, humankind won’t be able to decide whether to shit or go blind. The genie in that bottle will do more than flirt with our demise. Don’t forget that Russia and China are standing by. Putin and Ahmadinejad have been seen holding hands in public lately. Who knows what they’re up to in private, I doubt it’s in our best interest. And hey, crude topped out at over $93 a barrel the other day. Up from around $30 just seven years ago. Good news for fucking EXXON, the richest corporation in the history of man. This is a reality that permeates every aspect of just about every human life. The only exception is a stroll to the bathroom to evacuate the colon. Actually, in light of toilet paper, only a sprint to empty your piss bag. Let me put it in terms the Great Unwashed will understand. Soon, cable and Tivo will become expensive luxuries, the cost of adult diapers will skyrocket and you’ll be forced to synchronize crapping and pissing to the advertising schedule of network television. Yes, just like the 70’s. Oh and, it will be really hot, lots more disease and your ass will be broke as a motherfucker. You won’t have to piss much because there just won’t be much water. The temperature of the sun is eleven thousand degrees farenheit on it’s surface. The speed of light in a vacuum is one hundred eighty six thousand miles a second. The last thing we need, is to be slugging it out in a world war, with an economy constructed of flimsy cards, while Mother Earth has long been sick and fucking tired of our shit and is in the throes of hocking us like a greasy loogie onto the curb of extinction. I riddle you this; how do you intend to answer the question of where you were and what were you doing when it became so obvious that that our entire species was facing the father of all perfect shitstorms? I noticed at the grocery check out that Oprah is blowing up again! Were you perhaps overly distraught about a dazed and confused Britney losing custody of her children to a loser like K Fed? Maybe OJ’s latest stroll through pigeon shit occupied your attention a little too much. Or perhaps you endeavored to man up to real political, social and enviromental issues, but ended up succumbing to the insipid corporate media agenda of which presidential candidate had the most faith, which candidate might be most likely to let fags and dykes marry or which might be the most likely to let a woman make up her own mind. Wouldn’t you at least like to be able to say that you were paying attention to the candidates and the salient issues? Wouldn’t you like to say “I was fucking paying attention and I voted for the right ones.” ? Wouldn’t you like to know that you voted for the right ones and that was the catalyst for change so crucial that humans may have become extinct without it? Ladies and gentlemen, the perfect storm is coming. Just pay attention. Think about it. brainspank.org coming soon. Drinks for my friends.

 

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