Ebullient

I’m pretty pleased the world didn’t end whenever they said it would last weekend.  I’m kinda pissed too.

It’s incredibly sad that so many of us actually bought into that shit.

I need to point out how ridiculous this nonsense is.  Was.  Will always be.

Give me a break.  Nobody knows anything about the end of days any better than anyone else.

My theory is that we’ll see it coming.  The rest of the bees will die off or Pakistan will get all jiggy with their nukes.  It’s going to be obvious.  We’re going to see it coming even if it’s an asteroid the size of  a Double Western Bacon Cheeseburger.  It absolutely will not be a surprise.  That doesn’t mean it’s not coming.  But it does mean we’ll see it and fear it for concrete reasons and the concept of ‘rapture’ will be the last thing escaping our lips.

I hate that there’s so many jackasses in America.

Fuck me, we’re stupid.

I’m just so frustrated.  I guarantee that most, if not all of the people who believed this ridiculous crap actually vote.  That doesn’t just scare me, it makes me authentically paranoid.  Lots of really dumb people voting.  Oh my.  It’s why Dumbya got elected.  It’s why jackwagons like Gingrich still enjoy the Sunday morning political talk show circuit, no matter what he says.  It’s why kids in Kansas or Texas have to suffer through an absurd curriculum that includes creationism and walking with dinosaurs.  These limp minded, backward ass country fucks are desperate for a reason to believe in a Santa Clause in the sky.  Someone to absolve them for banging their sister or lusting after Timmy, the nine year old paper boy.

They use God to justify racism, bigotry and sexism.

They can’t handle the truth.  They suck and they are morally and ethically reprehensible but they want to blame it on the Devil and be absolved by Jesus because the bible tells them so.

These roundheaded mouth breathers vote.  Consistently.

They are what’s wrong with all of us.  What’s wrong with everything.

Assholes.

They tell you that America is a “Christian Nation”.  That our forefathers intended as much.  Bullshit.  We fled England in large part to avoid religious persecution.  Most of them sought to insure that we’d forever be protected from divine intervention or any kind of God fuckery.

They lie. Excellent liars are excellent liars because they believe their own lies.  I’m a salesman.  The only way I could sell crap is if I didn’t believe it was crap.  I don’t do that.  I know the difference.  The people that thought the world would end last weekend don’t know the difference.  They are tragically gullible.  They shouldn’t be allowed to reproduce, much less drive or vote.  But they can and they do.

I am not at all sorry to tell you that the alleged master of all ceremonies according to any religion never existed at all and was only made up thousands of years ago to explain natural disasters and the attendant human suffering because science was in it’s prenatal stage.

I am sorry to tell you that the millions of people who still believe such horseshit still vote and that’s why we have the Republican party.

We need to get religion out of our politics.  How many times do they have to be proven absolutely and completely wrong about every single goddamn thing before we stop paying attention to anything and everything?  They tell us not to fuck everything in sight while they do just that but then ask for God’s forgiveness and that makes it okay.  They are vociferous and obstreperous in compelling us to limit a woman’s choice about her own body but then refuse to provide any care or alternative to that woman when she brings that fetus to term.  They railed against “Death Panels” but tell us two years later that we need to end social programs that would prevent grandma from dying on the street.

You know it as the Ryan budget and they are staring at their own demise.

Still, this is regoddamndiculous and these people should all die in the first frost of the soonest winter.

God is the problem.

Ronald Reagan said something like government isn’t the answer to our problems.  Government is the problem.

Wrong.

God is the problem.

Drinks for my friends.

33 Responses to “Ebullient”

  • Hey praise Jebus, that was a good one. Lets get together later on in the fiery pits of Hades to yuk it up. We can party, take a hot tub. Fuckers, self-righteous crook-wielding crooks trying to scare everbody, get everyone all worked up over imaginary revelations, telling us all to be meek moral family jesus loving sheep while they bang their big tit-ed secretaries or bugger little kids. I’ve never been a God-fearing man, but I confess to being a God-fearing-man-fearing man. Sort of anyway. Not in my art making, just in general. Tom Jefferson was an atheist, Adolph was a Catholic. Beware the thumpers of the outmoded manual of UFO worshipers. That being said, I predict the world will end on a nice summer day anywhere from two to 6 million years from three weeks from now. See if I ain’t right. God spoke to me through the steaming hole in a man-hole cover as I stumbled on a curb shithoused on fortified communion juice. God is the problem. God is the Devil. Jesus is a jerk and he hates us all. Those fucking sheep do tend to flock the poles- damn them all to fallout city.
    It’s shitty…
    Have a nice day.

    • Michael Douglass:

      Good stuff my old friend. I too fear the man who fears God more than I fear God hisself. That man is demonstrably crazy for sure and I tend to fear crazy men as much or more than anything. Free fortified communion juice for everyone. I Think Hitler was a Lutheran. I could be wrong.

      • Shit, Adolph was a Lutheran? That fact checker is fired! Whatever, I’m no Hitler expert, but he must have been a Lex Lutheran, what with all the megalomania and all… Hey I heard today that the nutty preacher who just missed the end days says he got the date wrong by five months. Crazy-ass true believer. New dooms-date is October twenty-ninth I think. Something to look forward to.
        Dracula lops off his own foot and pounces on it, bats it around like a cat-nip mouse
        CH

        • Michael Douglass:

          C-H-R-I-S………PUNCH!

          I read somewhere that he was a Lutheran. He was a real enemy regardless unlike the paper tigers of our own invention these days.

          I think that shit spewing millionaire said the 21st of Rocktober. I set aside that day to clean all cheese and greasy lint from my taint.

  • … just when I think you can’t possibly top yourself …

  • karen husted:

    It’s not God that is the problem, it’s the abuse of God that is the problem. We need to be specific here.

    • Michael Douglass:

      It really is specifically the idea of God.

      The abuse of everything in the name of God.

      The collective idea of idea of God is a genuine problem because it’s flawed and it sucks and is used as an excuse and/or justification for every bad AND good thing we might or might not do.

      The dumbest thing we do.

  • Tim:

    I have lefty friends who are Christian and they vote. Go figure.

  • Linda:

    A very enjoyable read. And I very much agree! Thanks Michael!
    And make mine a light organic beer, please! I’m still looking for one I like!

  • Rhonda Z:

    Amen, Mike! Pardon the pun, please. 🙂

  • Angie Jackson:

    I am originally from the South and am a Spiritual person who yes, does claim God as my maker! But I aree wholeheartedly, there should be a separation of church & state… the Reich Wingnuts have disgraced Christianity and the Constitution!

    Bravo for your insight and the balls to put it out here!

    • Michael Douglass:

      Thanks. But I fail to see how it takes balls to put it out there. It’s just the truth.

    • Michele M:

      Great name for them. The “Reich Wingnuts”. Beautiful. I will be spreading this phrase around. Perfect. Thanks!

  • Pamela Veselinovic:

    Even though I was raised attending a Christian church, I have never been able to buy into it. Even my mom doesn’t buy it anymore. The whole idea is absurd, really. I do, however, believe in a higher power: a giant collection of souls, so to speak. As someone who had tremendously improved with age, I hope this life isn’t my one chance to get it right and I do not believe it is.

    You’re right that the worst people in history, recent history included, believe themselves to be Christians. It’s hilarious. Organized religion encourages the ugliest traits in human beings, in my experience. Also, in my opinion, the white conservative “church-going” usually southern male is pure evil and ignorance all wrapped up into one not-very-attractive and pudgy package. From hunting everything that moves to fearing other colors/cultures and to driving that big gas-guzzling pick-up…….and let’s not forget voting (twice) for W and then enthusiastically for Sarah Palin, they disgust me to the bone.

    • Michael Douglass:

      A giant collection of souls….I like that. I would like to see you again someday. I’m happy you and and I share common things these days after all these years. I can only hope I’ve improved with age as much as you if at all.

  • Mike Saraceno:

    I feel your blog in a couple of spots was quite spiteful and prejudiced. You told me you feel you offended me and wanted an explanation so here it is. I would say offended is too strong a word. It’s your blog and it’s your right to say what you need to say. If I were offended I would’ve stopped reading halfway through your blog and probably not commented at all. I would say I am surprised. You refer to yourself as an unapologetic progressive liberal. That being the case I expected you to show at least a small amount of acceptance for Christian people. One of the many endearing qualities of liberals is that they believe in equality and protecting the rights of people. I was looking for at least one sentence that said something like “Not all Christians are crackpots” or “I don’t mean to suggest that if you’re Christian you’re a total loser”. I was amazed at how relentless you were in your distaste for Christians and at one point even called for the death of all Christians. Heavy stuff Mike. You referred to Christians as bigots in the same breath that you used to speak about Christians like a bigot. While I would agree with you whole heartedly that there have been many Christians that have done unspeakable acts and that religion in many ways has been used to commit great evil, I would also say that it is not a Christian belief that we can sin as much as we want then pray and then just keep sinning. Most Christians know that that is a road to ruin. Most Christians did not believe that last weekend was going to be Judgement Day. Harold Camping (the guy who caused all the BS with this May 21st thing) was challenged and had his so called prophecy condemned by more Christians than by anyone else. I am Christian. I am registered as an Independent. I voted for Obama and will again. I occasionally drink booze and smoke cigarettes. I have gay friends that I love dearly. I use profain language from time to time. I believe in women having the freedom of choice when it comes to abortion as long as they don’t use it as birth control 50 times and I have no problem breathing through my nose. True Christians are not Christians because they are Republican or because they salute the flag with a tear in their eye or because they are hell bent on furthering some right wing agenda. What makes a person a Christian is believing in what Christ did for all of us. You did what most non-believers do when they’re bagging on Christians. You took Republican, dumb, backwards ass country fucks, gullible and close minded, racist, bigot, and sexist and attributed all of those things to Christians in a very general way. I’ve heard KKK members speak about black people and Jews in the same manner. I know you’re more intelligent than that Michael. If you’re going to claim that the bible is a crock of shit then read it cover to cover before doing so. And if you’re going to attribute the failings of the Christians the media likes to focus on (the crackpots) to all Christians you should get to know some first. I’m not angry with you Mike. And I’m certainly not bleeding from your blog. I enjoy your blogs and more importantly I enjoy YOU. You’re one hell of a guy. I’ve always thought so. Much love my brutha. Oh and another thing….I don’t believe for one second that man walked with dinosaurs 5000 years ago. A lot of Christians don’t believe that at all. We can get into bible interpretation and some of the new ideas Creationists have been spitting lately another time. Take care friend.

  • Michael Douglass:

    Yeah Mike, my new old friend, you have a fairly serious point. Forgive me but it wasn’t my intention to impugn all Christians.

    I assumed my point was rather clear in distinguishing the “rapture” fools from the millions of other well intentioned Christians. For the record, I hold the basic tenets of Christianity to be wholesome and sound. Do unto others and love thy neighbor and all that. I have no problem with any of that.

    I am sorry if I offended you. I have tremendous affection for you.

    It’s just that as a religion, Christianity along with all other, for lack of a better word ‘prominent’ religions, have been so egregiously perverted that they’ve become a parody of what they probably intended to be.

    I’m just so thoroughly disgusted by what America does and doesn’t do in the the name of Jesus Christ our lord and savior, that I have difficulty looking at any self proclaimed Christian with anything less than a jaundiced eye. Forgive me for being beat over the head with their indefatigable nonsense. I can’t get away from it. It’s fucking relentless. It just won’t leave me the fuck alone.

    I hope you see and understand the self righteous indignation of religious zealots and how it infects every aspect of society, politics, entertainment, war (Christians vs. Muslims), gender equality, civil rights……..I can go on forever.

    I absolutely believe a higher power exists but I’m confident it has nothing to do with what’s currently served up as the way and my only salvation. I don’t buy it. It’s crap and my heart tells me so.

    I know you and love you and you know that. I hope you do. I find it interesting that you mention smoking and drinking and being friends with gay people as obvious caveats and/or exceptions to your beliefs as a Christian. I have to ask why should they be and why if they are, would embrace such an obviously flawed system of beliefs?

    Why would a man as smart of as you, in light of the adversity I know you face, not abandon such an archaic system of obsolete rules in favor of your own mind and convictions?

    I respect and love you because I know first hand you are a good human being. I know this and I know you well enough to say it with all sincerity.

    My intention was certainly not to insult you. I’m pretty sure you don’t feel like I did.

    I do not fear God. I fear myself far more. At the same time, my belief in myself is far more powerful than anything like that could ever be and trust me, sometimes that’s not saying much.

    I have to tell you that I think you’re a little naive when assuming that most Christians are well intentioned.

    See, organized religion has a pretty well established track record of doing far more harm than good. Hitler was a Lutheran. Every right wing nut job in this country that’s ever assassinated an abortion doctor or a witch in the 16th century has done as much because they claimed to be God fearing. You will never find a bigot, member of the Klan, backward ass country fuck, bigot or Republican that doesn’t cling fiercely to Christianity.

    Never ever. And they’ve been doing it all in the name of God long since before the media ever even existed.

    I mean no disrespect but I’m confident I’ve made made my case. I think the majority of Christians are judgemental. I see no reason to read the bible other than literary edification. Beautiful and gorgeous language. Nobody alive today has any idea who actually wrote it. Why would anyone in their right mind trust their life and alleged afterlife to a document written by “Anonymous”?

    For what it’s worth, I know plenty of Christians. Plenty. I grew up with them and I’m still surrounded by them.

    And Mike, as much as I admire, respect, love and like you, please do not foist the argument that American media is at fault for photographing Christians in some contrived callow pale yellow light. A great deal of my anger comes from the media’s obtuse willingness to carry water for a bunch of sanctimonious blowhard hypocrites, over and over and over…….

    My argument is that it’s big picture stuff. Forest forsaken by trees. Dangerous and misleading. Pollution of sanity and logic. Forgive me but it makes no sense.

    I thank you for posting this here and allowing me the chance to respond. You are among the best men I know. You sing like a bird and a riot. I thank you for this opportunity to air our philosophical differences. I hope to see you soon and hug the shit out of you.

    Be safe my friend.

    • Mike Saraceno:

      Thanks for clearing some things up for me. Sometimes I need help reading between the lines. I do feel that I failed to articulate my point when I brought up the media. I should have elaborated a bit more and explained how I feel that non-believers tend to glean much of they’re information about Christians and Christianity from other mediums rather than find out for themselves what it’s really about. On the other hand Many Christians are guilty of the same thing. Merely believe out of fear or because of parental indoctrination. And again I absolutely agree that those at the helm of Christianity have really botched things up. They wouldn’t recognize Christ if he slapped them in the face. To be honest they would probably burn him at the stake. You asked how I could subscribe to Christianity knowing how fallible Christians can and have been. I can subscribe because I can wade through some if not most of the bullshit. When I read about what Jesus taught and what Jesus did it rings true and warms my heart. I absolutely have your back when you talk about the Christian who judges, who is racist, to sum it up…who hates. It goes against the very person they base their beliefs on. Many many Christians are not like Christ. I totally understand your frustration. I am confident if Christ were walking the earth today he would be serving up an ass whoopin’ to those folks. I guess we could go on and on. I certainly could…lol. Thanks again for your words and your friendship. Get your ass up here already!!

      • Michael Douglass:

        I think we’re on the same page with the exception that I just don’t buy anything about Christianity. There are good Christians the same way there are are good cops and teachers and it’s really that simple.

        So, write and record more and I’ll do my best to be there and lend a clumsy, heavy hand to the mixing process.

        You’re a good man Charlie Brown and it occurs to me we should have this conversation in person.

  • Terry Miles:

    Thanks for sharing Michael, I’ll read this to my “Free Thinker” BF! Glad to see that someone is speaking up about all this nonsense, and with humor! 😉 One thing I NEVER understood was the saying “God Fearing”…. It always confused me, because I thought to myself as a very young child, IF there’s a God, why in the hell would anyone fear him, and why would he want anyone to fear him? Craziness! Pure craziness! Glad I never bought into any of that as a child… I always looked at those “God Fearing” people trying to “convert” me as really crazy individuals!

  • Rachel Harger:

    That’s why Dumbya got elected! Good one! I appreciate this post because just reading it helped me vent a little of my own frustration. I agree, the religious right is a danger to liberty in this country. They claim to love the Constitution, but they don’t like anything about it except the second amendment. I think they have also become a danger to their own party. I wish they weren’t consistent voters either, but let’s be clear that is just a wish that they wouldn’t. Not a wish that they lose their voting rights.

    I was in sales too. I can’t sell crap either if it is crap. I know exactly what you mean! I think they are good liars because they believe their own lies. But, I’ve also seen preachers interviewed anonomously that say they no longer believe. They aren’t qualified to do anything else so that just keep preaching stuff they dont believe. Anyway, good post. It was raw and emotional!

  • Gail Coleman:

    I am LMAO!! Honestly, I was a lifelong Christian, converted to Islam and now question all of it! This was a great essay!

  • VillyBob:

    WOW! Incredible writing! Hurt my ego a bit to know I’m not the only good writer in the area, lol. Very very good writing.

    “Lots of really dumb people voting. Oh my.”

    Yep!

    “The only way I could sell crap is if I didn’t believe it was crap.”

    EXACTLY! That’s my mission as an e-cig salesman failed. E-cigs are RETARDED, lol. I tried them myself and they did not work. Mind you, my website claims otherwise, haha.

    “Ronald Reagan said something like government isn’t the answer to our problems. Government is the problem.

    Wrong.

    God is the problem.

    Drinks for my friends.”

    Hah. NICE!

    Great piece man or woman, though I hope to God you’re a woman because I don’t like to write sentimental stuff to guys. Don’t even get me started on the awkward relationship I have with my brother, Mr. Lovey Dovey “I LOVE YOU AND WANT TO BE CLOSE.” Ohhhh SHUT UP! Lol.

    Have a nice night and thanks for the great writing!

    CHEERS!

    (it’s almost comical how juvenile my writing becomes when I attempt social interaction. it’s an enigma. i write so well when in my zone, but i turn into a 12-year-old when in somebody else’s zone. wtf!??)

    PS – I wish I had the courage to set up a formal blog and deal with commenters. There is no greater prison on Earth than fear. Scared of Bubba? F**K Bubba. Try anxiety. Anxiety will fuck without a condom KNOWING FULL WELL it has aids. Yah… anxiety is a BITCH!

  • Michael Douglass:

    Thank you so much. Please read back, I have a lot to say about just about everything.

  • jv wilhelm:

    Michael, brilliant and I love your fire. The evangelicals need to see they aren’t the only ones who have the floor. When you say, “(god)…was only made up thousands of years ago to explain natural disasters and the attendant human suffering because science was in it’s prenatal stage” I would like to add that some sociopathic remorseless genetic subhuman back then also noticed, beyond the natural disasters, that if greater fear was introduced and backed by violence then many of the people would buy the hierarchical game that slowly amassed into patriarchy, feudalism, etc.

  • jv wilhelm:

    By the way, jv wilhelm = jesse voll on facebook.

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